Godddaughter’s wedding

caring for an elderly parent is a tough job, both physically and emotionally.

but you still have to live your own life...

can you hire an aide to keep her company while you're at the wedding?

Your mom needs friends and activities. It's probably a bit late for this week although you could probably hire an aide for a day. Warning: they are not cheap.

Or if there's a senior center nearby, see about getting her in there for the day. You may have to pack a lunch or give her cash to buy it.

However, no matter what, you need to have a backup plan in place, so now's the time to start thinking about it and getting it squared away.

And before you say that you can handle all the caregiving, you want to do, it's easy, you're strong, etc.—save your pixels.

If you were laid up with the flu, or you broke a bone (heaven forbid), how would your mother cope? If you were burned out and needed a day off, what would happen? If an appointment ran over and then you hit traffic on the way back, how would that play out?

All of these are reasonable, common scenarios.

I would also add that caring for your mother is only going to get harder as time goes along. You may need someone with medical expertise to do something or other, such as inserting a catheter or treating and preventing bed sores.

It's time to work on a backup plan. And since it sounds like your mother is competent, involve her in the discussions and decision making as much as possible. She will probably appreciate it.

Go to your goddaughter's wedding! Your mother is only 85 and will be just fine. Mine is 87 and running circles around people. I know not all elderly are as fit, but you make no mention of any particular worries you have. Barring any, go!

Find someone to sit with her for the day.