It all feels too much. How should I deal with this?

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I feel like an idiot when I ask complete strangers questions like this, but I can't talk about this kind of stuff with my family because they'll use it against me later. So last year, I heard a family member talking badly about me to my other family members. Talking badly about me in this family is completely normalized. My whole family seems to hate me, my mom especially, but they all do it behind my back in the form of spreading lies and gossiping.

Two siblings (who are adults. We all are.) Kept not only consistently calling me a loser, very loudly I might add, but shouting "names" at me as I went by the window. It made me feel very uncomfortable and even angry. My parents and grandpa sat at the table where they also sat and did nothing to stop them. I was outside the door. (Not inside the house with them.) All of it made me feel very uncomfortable. I listened in at one point and felt extra uncomfortable.

Well, the sibling who moved out is coming back to visit for one day and all the same people will be there. Should I just ignore it? I get so mad though. My family loves making fun of me and I won't lie, It makes me mad, but every time I call them out for it they always say that it's in my head and gaslight me.

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 233 • Replies: 10

@CandleCutter77,

Why do you bother with these people? Just because they're family? Family is nothing if they act like this. Seriously. If these were friends of yours, you'd drop them, wouldn't you? Newsflash - you can do this if you're related to them, too. They sound horrible.

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@CandleCutter77,

... and if you absolutely must deal with them, just record them next time.

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@Mame,

I've thought of this multiple times. Currently saving up to get a car. It'lk be used, but good.

Thank you for your advice. I'll listen to it.

1 Reply

@CandleCutter77,

Why are you still living at home? You should be moving out and live your
own life. This way you don't have to listen to their bullshit.

1 Reply

If I may ask a direct question: what have you done to call them out on this bad, immature behavior? Have you spoken up in your own defense and in what way?

To my mind, it seems there’s a choice of either speaking up for yourself or absenting yourself from their company for a period of time of you choice. Non-confrontation is not the path of least resistance and doing so is hurting your geothermal. Restore your self esteem and put a stop to it.

I just noticed your posts from October. Have you sought out counseling. If you did what is your diagnosis and what have you been advised?

2 Replies

@Ragman,

Geothermal! Damned spellcheck. Self esteem is a soundalike?

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@Ragman,

I've been direct with them saying that I knew they speaking ill of me. I admit, I handled it bad and it turned into an argument more times than I'd like to admit. Usually counselors tell me that it might be me just hearing things that aren't being said. I am not schizophrenic, but I am bipolar.

Most of the time, I'm told that I'm "ill" or "need help", but I've heard them say things about me very clearly because they don't go far. Every time I've told that that I don't like that they're talking about me, they'll say things like "I never said that" or "we're not doing that" or "nobody talks about you". I know they do though. These are things I've confronted my family about.

My sisters have always spoken ill of me. I was very direct once and asked them if they were talking about me and they said no. When I left they scoffed and said "NOW we are!" And proceeded to laugh at me.

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@CalamityJane,

I really want to, but I'm currently on disability for bipolar disorder. It's really affecting me bad at this point. I get so depressed I can hardly get up or take care of myself. I'm working towards solutions to these issues and overcoming them with my counselor and doctor. I'm trying to find a med that works, but also some skills in counseling.

I depend on them too much and I need to stop doing that.

1 Reply

@CandleCutter77,

Am I correct that you are also perceiving this same sort of behavior in other settings like work or school, in stores? You’re currently disabled and receiving disability for it. There’s no way to tell what your family might be contributing in a negative way. Not that anyone is doubting you. You’re in an emotional turmoil at this time.

This is difficult situation and you have my sympathy but until you understand it better and work more with behavioral specialists and allow them to find the right type and quantity of medication , this’ll be a difficult period of your life. It’s hard to remain positive but you must find a way to get through these tough times. And remain resolute.

It all feels too much. How should I deal with this?

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