Getting my wife to satisfy me when she isn't wanting to have intercourse

In my household, it starts off with me being emotionally satisfied, knowing that he doesn't think in terms that I am a Edit [Moderator]:
Inappropriate phrase removed.

Not sure where you're going wrong with that though.

Have you tried self flagellation? I recommend you try it with a good old fashioned ash Louisville Slugger. Or, unless your hands are smaller than Trump's, I'm sure you could at least strangle yourself into unconscientiousness, and give the poor woman some sleep without the unwanted pawing.

Just think: maybe if you were half as studly as you think you are, maybe you wouldn't have to pester your wife. Have you tried showering?

Seriously, what are you, 16 yrs old?

Relive the golden age of steam with the wankmaster 5000.

Just a shovel of coal will keep it running all day, and you're guaranteed to "give issue" after ten minutes, especially if she shouts something sexy like "knickers!"

The wankmaster cannot be held responsible for any "big circumcision that may inadvertantly occur.

Seriously? You mean a feller can get his joint out of joint?

I'm not a lawyer, but if I was I'd advise myself to shut my fool mouth.

Just unfounded allegations, that's all.

They just want to be left alone. If the situation doesn't improve they just want to be left.