@PATTIWRESTLER,
PATTIWRESTLER wrote:
... At home while my husband knows I smoke no one else does...
Oh, yes, they do.
It's very hard to get the stench of tobacco smoke out of drapes, carpeting, etc. This is why nonsmoking rooms in hotels exist. It's to keep those rooms as clean as possible without having the maid service deal with getting the smoke smell out of linens, etc.
It can be equally difficult to get the smell out of your hair and breath.
We can often get "nose blind" to smells we're around all the time.
We can also get used to a bunch of other things, including all of the stuff you think you're doing well to hide your affairs.
Your husband probably knows. He certainly suspects if he's asking about it. It's also likely that your son suspects something is off. Yes, even if he's still a minor. Even a child as young as 5 years old can sense if something is different between Mom and Dad, unless that child is profoundly challenged.
Your house of cards may be flimsier than you think.
And another thing. This is all self-destructive behavior. IANAD but you may want to start seeing one. And doesn't the league have physicians? Talk to them if to no one else, about quitting smoking, because it will kill you and the end stages of your life will be very unpleasant and ugly. If that's too far away for you to think about now, talk to the league doctor(s) about getting drunk, fist fights, and the like.
I know at least the WWE wants its female wrestlers to be very, very attractive, due to being on TV but also due to the money from merchandising posters, etc. Losing a few teeth in a barroom brawl, or developing the ashy skin that comes from a lot of drinking and smoking will make you unattractive and age you very quickly. If absolutely nothing else, you may want to work on these behaviors to try to end them simply to be able to hold onto your job longer. At age 41, you may be getting close to the end of your career anyway. But there's no reason to hasten that along.
Look ahead to the endgame, just like I imagine (hope) you look to the end where it's pin or be pinned. Even in a scripted sport, there's a beginning, middle, and end to matches. Well, there's also a beginning, middle, and end to your marriage, your career, and your life. What you're doing now is going to drive the end of all three of those things, and it's going to drive it more quickly than is necessary.
Only you can decide if that's okay.
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