Wisconsin isn't a state.

I've had my suspicions for some time now, but it wasn't until this weekend that I got my proof.

Wisconsin isn't a state... it's a cult.

I was at this wedding and everything to this point had proceeded as normal. The ceremony was beutiful (a short Catholic ceremony... not the long one thank god). The reception was underway. The father of the bride gave a nice welcome speech, thanked everybody for coming and had some funny yet beutiful memories of his daughter. The best man gave his speech (which was really bad) and we were all about to sit down for dinner when things got weird.

The sister of the bride stood up and began her speech. But instead of an actual speech she invited in a special visitor who I can only assume is the leader of this cult called Wisconsin.

Until then I thought the leader was a man called Brett Favre... but in reality it is much more bizzare. In runs this gigantic headed, furry creature. I searched the web and found a photo of this elusive creature:



Notice the threatening stature of this creature. He obviously uses his size to bully non-believers into joining his cult.

Well anyway, upon entering the room, the place erupted. People shot out of their seats like jack-in-the-boxes sprung from their dark musical prisons. Cheers of praise bellowed from every man, woman and child in the room.

I looked around nervously as the large headed leader raced around the room with out stretched hands, his followers reached toward him with their own hands, eager for even the slightest touch from their leader. Soon a strange rythmic clapping began and the tension grew even higher.

My wife and I glanced at each other wondering what we should do. The only other people in the room apprently not taken in yet by this strange cult and even stranger chain of events were the two South African chiropractors. They sat in their chairs rigid as two statues... frozen with fear.

The wedding party rose as one as the leader finished his tour of the room and entered center stage on the middle of the dance floor. He suddenly flipped upside down and stood on his head with both his feet and hands stretched out and wiggling franticly towards the heavens.

This must have been some sort of sign because people started singing a slow melodious chant and waving their hands in the air overhead. The meaning of the chant eluded me, but the wedding party now walked from their head table and formed a circle around the leader. He rose and joined the circle.

They locked arms with one another and slowly started rocking back and forth while singing yet another chant.

Then it was over. The people roared and the leader, with a wave of his hand, ran from the room and left his elated cultists behind.

I don't think anybody noticed that I was not part of the cult, but in case you don't hear from me again....