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Is my ex guilty? Did she cheat on me with old man?

 
 
Edith5
 
Reply Tue 6 Feb, 2024 03:56 pm
Ok so I ended my relationship with my ex months back but I wanted to know people’s opinions on one particular issue. What does everyone think about this story I am about to tell you.

My ex is an extrovert, confident, personable and sociable with everyone especially men. She’s also an alcoholic. During our time together she would often visit a pub in her local area. The pub is ran by an old man named Charlie, who’s married and is in his seventies. She met him a year into our relationship through her sales job.
One day she was took me to his pub to meet him. I met him, he seemed ok but there were things I noticed about their dynamic that made me suspicious. Firstly, she went into his office for almost thirty minutes, I had no idea what they were doing but when she came out she just said they were talking - “business.” My ex is somewhat of a wheeler dealer. Her & Charlie would often work on secondhand cars to sell for profit. Case in point, the day I met him, we were at a garage next to the pub as she was inspecting a car that he wanted her to work on.End of the night as we were leaving, she was saying her goodbyes to Charlie, she was very drunk at this point, having regurgitated a few hours prior. I noticed she grabbed hold of his arm tightly as they were walking. Initially I brushed it off as just a friendly gesture. The type of gesture you would express to a close friend or relative.

Two months later, i asked her if she had seen Charlie recently and she told me no because apparently he had sent her a lewd text message. She claims he sent her an explicit message which made her feel uncomfortable therefore she cut ties with him. I found this insanely odd and I told her it’s due to her flirtatious nature with him when she’s drunk, she may have given off the wrong signals, especially the night I met him, when she hugged him tightly.

A few months later she tells me she she’s been visiting the pub. She obviously forgot about the text to which I reminded her and this caught her off guard. She denied receiving any message from him instead she tells me it was sent by accident. Apparently someone else got hold of his phone and sent her that message. Again I was suspicious but I brushed it off and forgot about it. Long story short we split a few months later for very different reasons.

Plot twist:

One day I bump into two of the barmaids who work for Charlie, they informed me that my ex was always going into Charlie’s office every time she visited therefore what I witnessed, wasn’t the first time. The ladies also told me that my ex would often receive free drinks but only after every meeting they had in his office and in that order.

So for over three years she was going into his office and every time he would give her free alcohol. Eventually I confronted my ex about this matter. Naturally she was defensive, claiming they were just friends and that they were just doing - “business” in his office however she would never clarify what type of business. She then tells me that there were times she was alone with him after business hours. She claimed she would sometimes stay with him to ensure he would drop her back home safely.

She then tells me that one time he gave her extra free drinks with shots and cornered her in his office. He made advances to her but she resisted him. When I asked her why he was always giving her free drinks her reply was - “because he hoping to get somewhere.” At the end of the conversation I was left miserable, confused and insulted. Furthermore she would also say this and I quote - “and even if I did have sex with Charlie, I wouldn’t tell you.”

The two barmaids had also informed me that my ex began dating other men from the pub and one particular night, she literally seduced Charlie at the bar whilst her date for the evening looked away with shame. They told me she flirted with him and told him she wanted to go home with him but ironically she got off with the DJ that night instead abandoning her date and Charlie in the process LMFAO!

I’ve met Charlie three times and every time he was very awkward with me. Never smiled, or cracked a joke, he wouldn’t even talk to me, in fact he seemed envious/jealous of my relationship with my ex. He just gave off this awkward energy every time I met him. The last time i saw him (after the split) he had the nerve to ask me why we split to which he asked - “too much sex?”

Anyway what do you guys think? Clearly somethings not right, something doesn’t add up. Unfortunately I will never know the truth, it will always remain ambiguous, controversial.

I’m happier without her now but it still takes the biscuit.

The irony is during the years that we were together, I’d always get suspicious about her affiliations with other men but the one man I never considered a threat, might have been the biggest threat of them all.

Have any of you experienced something similar? Can any of you relate and what do you guys think? I appreciate the feedback.
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Tue 6 Feb, 2024 04:25 pm
@Edith5,
Be happy that she's out of your life. Now get her out of your head.

The answer to this is: it doesn't matter.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Did she cheat on you? Yes. No. Maybe.

It. Does. Not. Matter.

Let it go.
glitterbag
 
  4  
Reply Wed 7 Feb, 2024 12:11 am
@jespah,
I remember getting addle brained over an old boyfriend and alway forgave him for whatever punishment he dealt out. The Boyfriend was so bad, that by the time I finally got rid of him I met a man who seemed to love me to pieces.....had some rough spots, but eveytime I called for a time out, he would swear he would change. I actually married this asshole and wound up suffering for about 4 years. It starts off slow, and little by little they rob you by millimeters until you have nothing left of your ego or self-worth. Frankly we all marry because we believe we are in love and it seldom occurs to us that our new spouse might just be a jealous narcissist who can't be happy until they beat us flatly into the ground.

My saving night was when we had an argument he started asking me if I wanted a divorce (I didn't), did I have a boyfriend (I didn't) and threw such a tantrum he pulled the drapes off the curtain rods (I don't know why, it was extreme drama queen ****). He tossed all of my clay pot shrubs in the kitchen floor, shattered everything to dirt , roots and shattered pottery. I remember talking him into going to bed and then got a dust bin and swept up a ton of near death green plants. it was all on a white tile floor that I installed myself. Drapes were a lost cause so I just folded them near their windows. I somehow knew it would be extremely stupid to stay another night with him, but once I cleaned everything up (My son was 2 and a half, I didn't want him to see the ruin. About then, dawn was starting to break, so I walked into the living room tried to lie down on the sofa. As soon as my head hit the cushion I heard him pull back the bolt on an M-16.I sat up and looking down the hall I could see him sitting with the weapon in his mouth, full bandana clip. I can't explain the mix of emotions that flood thru your head at a time like that, but he had been saying he would kill me and Eric and I'm hustling down the hallway almost frozen stiff just begging him to put the gun down, just put the gun down. I was afraid he's shoot himself or change and shoot me but as I got closer to the bed, he laid back on the mattress and dropped the gun. I rushed to grab the gun but he sat up immediately and wrestled the gun away from me. I went completely lightheaded and passed out.

I came back to consciousness as he was redressing himself and heading to the hospital because he broke his hand slamming the wall right next to my head. He also insisted to taking the baby (probably to make sure I wouldn't leave) But will all this craap, his first move was to drive over to my parents house and told his ridiculous story to the. My mother was fully collected, offered a few comforting words then talked him into leaving the baby with her. So he heads off to hospital, thinking he has proved what a deviant over demanding woman he had to live with, but the phone in my house rang before he completely left her street. My phone rang immediately, It was Mom (MOM with MOM voice authority). All I heard was 'janice'? What the hell happened over there last night.....I had never really complained about "DON" as a problem, I just thought he was a little mislead by the yak herders who raised him. My Dad ran over helped me put some clothing in a few suitcases, and I fled to their house....oh And I also took the 3 guns he owned alone with the Ammo boxes.


I apologize for repeating such a long story (I did shorten it) but try not to get 'compelled to belong' lock stock and barrel to a seemingly nice man who may just want to love you and lock you into fertuity (and make you sleep under the bed). And don't wear chains on your necks EVER.
acesteknik
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 Feb, 2024 04:05 am
You should be happy that she left you
0 Replies
 
hightor
 
  2  
Reply Fri 9 Feb, 2024 04:52 am
@glitterbag,
Jeezus, girl, sorry you went through that.
0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Sat 10 Feb, 2024 01:42 pm
At this point in time does it really matter. What are you looking for? Justification for your anger? Looking for things she may have or have not done to you? Need more reason to carry this cross?

Seriously: forget it. Let it go. Just.Let.It.Go.

Don't be surprised if your friends and family start having you around again if you can come up with more topics than, "she-treated-me-like-a-bitch".
0 Replies
 
 

 
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