1
   

Indian Diary of other not-so-smart travellers

 
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Sep, 2005 09:15 am
very funny!
0 Replies
 
brahmin
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Sep, 2005 09:43 pm
another india-based quip !!


You all must have heard of ABCD = American Born Confused Desi. (pronounced Deci - indian word for a native)

His distant cousin is the DCBA = Desi Confused by America.


But how about ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ ?

thats,

American Born Confused Desi, Emigrated From Gujarat, Housed In Jersey, Keeping Lotsa Motels, Named Omkarnath Patel, Quickly Reached Success Through Underhand Vicious Ways, Xenophobic Yet Zestful.
0 Replies
 
brahmin
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2005 08:03 am
copy-pasting a post from my own blog -
---------------------------------------------------------


today (sept 22) i saw a program on Bogus Broadbrushing Control - called "city cabs" or something.

the city is mumbai.

dude gets into a taxi. driver is an english speaking muslim with a bin laden beard. father of 7 kids . without asking the anchor/tourist where he is from, he straight away asks about whether he is married and when given the answer tells him how having gfs (anchor says has had a gf for 11 years) is not good - marriage or nothing.

next he meets a woman middle manager in a ad-company in bombay - she is hep and dressed in western clothes - she goes on to explain stuff to him - how indians believe in karma so much that they gladly slog it out in poverty in mumbai. how they accept their fates without trying to better their economic conditions (& u thought people flock to mumbai to get work and improve their financial conditions !).

so english speaking educated muslim - who has no alternative in life but be a taxi driver
and
hep suave media manager of mnc company - who believes in karma and also believes all indians live by it.

then he goes to a bar - where women smoke and all boose - and meets a jain - who tells him withing seconds of introducing himself that he doesnt eat carrot cos organisms may die when the root is pulled out of the ground. then takes the anchor on a ride in his swank car - all the while talking karma and the pros and cons of jainism. and how he does not invest in leather companies and other companies which may need to kill animals (the jain is a stock broker).


i just couldnt help get the feeling that the whole thing was staged - just so it would fit western perceptions about indians - you dont always run into a muslim who lectures you on marriage and then a most westernised hindu (jeans, sleevesless, dyed hair, accentless english) - who's neck deep in karma and then finally a jain who tells you off the bat, about the many strict rules to be followed to be a good jain.....(no need to run into a christian - cos westerners know all about them!!)


i mean, whats the point doing the program then, if they are so hell bent to show every community in exactly the same light as viewers/armchair experts, want to see them ??


and we wonder why people have stereotype opinions about india and indians !!
0 Replies
 
McTag
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2005 05:13 am
Yo, bramin and other travellers

I posted off this morning my request for a visa to visit India in November.

Looking forward very much to that.

McT
0 Replies
 
the prince
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2005 06:28 am
Brilliant McTag !! When are you planning to visit ? I may be in India early Dec (work calls) for a week or so !
0 Replies
 
brahmin
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2005 06:32 am
McTag wrote:
Yo, bramin and other travellers

I posted off this morning my request for a visa to visit India in November.

Looking forward very much to that.

McT



well all the best !!

hope you have a good trip.

let me know if i could help,... let us know which places you mant to see and when you are back, do post a thread of your indian travels (suggested name - "mcTravels in india!!")
0 Replies
 
dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2005 06:45 am
oh, mctag, can i come as your personal servant? i'll do anything.... almost. i will not cut your toenails. other than that, you name it.

great thread, brahmin. i sure would love to have that e-cook book. should i PM you my email address, or is it too big?
0 Replies
 
Algis Kemezys
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2005 06:53 am
On Christmas Day in Benares by the Holiest Gat I got run over directly by a car among the thousands persons while working on my documentary project called Holy Cow ! I made the front page of the newspapers as an official miracle. Was it jesus who saved me because I was from a Christian faith or was it Shiva who looked down upon me from his famous Nandi granting me more life for the honest and fun homage I was making to Indias Cow as the pinnacle of society and hense because of my good work Shiva the destroyer granted me life. Or so said the editorial. More metaphysical mayham came later.
0 Replies
 
brahmin
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2005 06:56 am
dagmaraka wrote:


great thread, brahmin. i sure would love to have that e-cook book. should i PM you my email address, or is it too big?



ty.. its a copycat thread.. from yours Very Happy

whcih e-book ??

that lady traveller's diary or the e-cookbook ??

you can have both.
0 Replies
 
brahmin
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2005 06:58 am
Algis.Kemezys wrote:
On Christmas Day in Benares by the Holiest Gat I got run over directly by a car among the thousands persons while working on my documentary project called Holy Cow ! I made the front page of the newspapers as an official [bold]miracle.[/bold] Was it jesus who saved me because I was from a Christian faith or was it Shiva who looked down upon me from his famous Nandi granting me more life for the honest and fun homage I was making to Indias Cow as the pinnacle of society and hense because of my good work Shiva the destroyer granted me life. Or so said the editorial. More metaphysical mayham came later.


lmao !!

but i am sure it was jesus who saved you - cos we dont have any concept of miracle in hinduism.

the hindu way to explain it would be by ascribing it to good karma or something !!
0 Replies
 
Algis Kemezys
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2005 07:05 am
I was in Udaipur photographing the cows when this real beauty was spotted. I went over to take a picture of her and noticed a huge streak of mud on her shoulder. Now the Mud for me totally ruined the picture and I decided not to take it. The cow having locked eyes with me then turned her head and started licking the muck off her shoulder. Because i was thinking in visual images maybe it was here that the cow picked up on my thoughts. Over 8 years while dealing with the cows returning back to India 5 times I had about 30 memorable memories of the cow displaying having aspects of true ESP.
0 Replies
 
brahmin
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2005 07:08 am
hahaha... so at least bovine telepathy has been achieved !!
0 Replies
 
brahmin
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2005 07:44 am
brahmin wrote:
dagmaraka wrote:


great thread, brahmin. i sure would love to have that e-cook book. should i PM you my email address, or is it too big?



ty.. its a copycat thread.. from yours Very Happy

whcih e-book ??

that lady traveller's diary or the e-cookbook ??

you can have both.



lmao !!

i made an ass of myself.

and by "edit" button also seems to have vanished !!!
Sad


anyway.. here's a bit (edited too) of my goa travelogue..... more to follow.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: (Bus from Bangalore on 3rd March evening. Two days, 4th and 5th March, in Goa)





I bought a K.R.S.T.C. ticket for Panjim (in Goa), from their office at the Majestic circle, Bangalore. .... On the 2nd, on my way back to the hotel , I did a bit of shopping - 3 T shirts and a jacket. I checked out of the hotel on the morning of the 3rd, kept my luggage in the cloak room, and again did the mandatory running about from pillar to post. At about 6 in the evening, I was done for the day, and then came to the bus stand and retrieved my luggage. There were a pair of brothers from u.k who were also apparently headed the goa way. I was equipped with my newly bought "cam" mobile phone and put it to good use taking a pic of the huge bus terminus and then the particular bus which was to take us to goa. The ride, commencing from about 7.10 in the evening, was largely uneventful. Co-passengers included a gang of friends who discussed their many plans of taking goa by storm, for the better part of the night and those 2 poms. They asked me why I was in Bangalore and what do I do and I told them. They told me where they were from. I had a window seat and therefore lots to see. After a light dinner in a humble restaurant, followed by a quiet smoke, we all clambered back into the bus. The bus was good but the service was not, in that they stopped at quite a few places on the way, to pick up luggage, mails (courier) and passengers to fill up the vacant seats. At night, it became a bit chilly, even after closing all the windows, and my new jacket came in rather handy.

At dawn we were still on the hilly roads of the Western Ghats, puffing our way to goa. We were deposited at the panaji bus stand at almost 11 in the morning, almost a good 2 hours later than what they had originally claimed. I wasn't very pleased about that. Anyway I alighted and asked a local Goan lady about directions to my hotel (namely a certain Hotel Ameya, near St. Inez, which had already been booked for me by dad). She recommended that I take a "pilot" to the hotel, and so I did. A pilot is a guy on a motor bike, who takes you and your luggage to the required destination, for a pre agreed price - which in this case, was a reasonable 20 bucks. So I rode pillion behind him holding on to my suitcase, which was sandwiched on the seat between him and me, and with my side bag balanced on the fuel tank!! On the way, I spotted the beautiful milk-white St. Zavier's church and got him to stop the bike to take a picture with the cam mobile. Then at the hotel, I was immediately shown into a very nice and spacious double bedded room, complete with a balcony that commanded a nice view. Pity it was only on the first floor and not somewhere higher - else the view would have been a lot less hindered by the tree that grew right in front of it. I bathed and freshened up, changed into cotton trousers (instead of the pair of jeans I wore during the journey) and round neck tee, and headed out, armed with my two cameras and a map of goa.

At the lobby I spoke to the receptionist about the "conducted tour" service operators that this hotel had tie-ups with, and he said that there were 3 packages - one for the southern region of goa, one for the northern and a third, for a night time cruise in a steamer along the Mandovi river, which would be followed by a "goa by night" sort of ride in the city of panjim. I decided that I'd see north goa by myself for the first couple of days and on my third and last day at goa, I'd take a "conducted trip" of southern goa (and board the night bus to Bangalore immediately afterward). For that evening, I bought a ticket for the "boat cruise cum goa-by-night" package, for which I'd be picked up from my hotel at about 7ish in the evening. So I had a time schedule to meet. The ticket bought, I headed out and walked a bit to the main road, asking people for directions to the panjim (panaji, panjim and panji are the names of the same place) bus stop, where our bus had earlier dropped us. When I reached the main road, I found an intra-goa public bus, that'd take me the remaining couple of miles or so, to the bus stop, and so hopped into that. In the bus I asked people seated beside me about the possible methods of reaching Calangute beach and was guided appropriately. From the panjim bus stand there were direct buses to calangute beach, after every half hour and I got on into the one that was due next. It was an hour long ride along the narrow country roads of goa, with the bus stopping to pick up passengers at just about every corner. At about 1.45 it stopped at the calangute bus stop.

By then I had seen enough to surmise the general mood of goa - eat, drink and be merry. Advertisements of beach side hotels, discos, and restaurants, booze shops everywhere, hippish foreigners in their hippy-ish dresses and rented bikes and lots and lots of hole in the wall street-side shops selling artifacts, sunglasses, hats, Bermudas, fancy pajamas, floaters, Indian casual wear, beads, necklaces and what have you? The hole in the wall and "temporary tent" type shops were lined cheek by jowl on the approach road to the beach flanking it for about a mile or more. I thought my basketball sneakers were particularly out of place on a beach!! Anyway the first site of the white sand and deep blue waters of the Arabian Sea at Calangute beach, instantly switched me to the merry mode and I started clicking at the sights and the scenery. It sucked that I was all alone, with not a soul to talk to. Foreign tourists usually outnumber Indians 3:1 at the beaches of goa, and I spotted loads of them in their skimpy dresses, resting and reading books in the beachside easy chairs under colourful umbrellas. I walked along the water's edge, from one end of Calangute towards another, taking in the smell of the sea, the moist water laden sea breeze, the sights of the swaying coconut trees, and the usual beachside activity. Among the many sunbathers, quite a few were topless and some had tattoos adorning their lusty bodies. Tattooed women are usually damn fast, almost as a thumb rule (like i know). Some of the women were very pretty as well as petite, while some others were hags with asses of oriental proportions and also jiggly-wiggly tits, bellies and upper arms. There should be a basic "bounciness of boobs" criteria that chicks should be made to fulfill, before being allowed on a beach, at least before they're allowed to go topless. One forty something, considerably tattooed woman, reclining on a seat, had a tiny little ring each, hanging from her pierced nipples, that shone in the sun, even from the distance separating us !!


I walked on, as if on the edge of a knife, with the bottomless wetness of the sea on the one side and the soft warmth of the sands on the other. I reached the other end of Calangute beach and there, there was a sort of backwater, where the sea came back in and metamorphosed into a thin stream, that cut back into the sand and then into land. Across it, was an open air restaurant and striking rock formations, into which the waves were splashing with unfailing rhythm. After some deliberation, I decided to cross that "river" and explore the other side. Damn, the other side is always so tempting. I felt, that I just had to go there.


To that end, I had first to take off my sneakers and socks, and so I did that and put them in a plastic shopping bag that I had wisely brought along in my school bag. Also I put my mobile phone and wallet in the school bag and pulled the straps of the bag way back up, so that the bottom of the bag was now, above the halfway line between my shoulder and behind. It was bad enough that I had irreparably damaged my previous mobile phone by getting it wet in the sea at Puri, and I sure didn't want a repeat. Also soggy notes are not well received at shops. Next came considering the "river" and making a precise judgment of its depth and current. I was no real swimmer, and in any case, if I was swept off my feet and had to swim, it'd be "Au Revoir" to my normal, as well as mobile phone, camera. So I had to select the shallowest part of it. I spoke to a local kid, who I was sure was the son of one of the restaurant owners or easy-chair and/or colourful umbrella renters, and with some tact, managed to persuade him to lead the way. He waded into the water and I followed, carefully noting his exact route. It was only about 10 or 12 metres across and inches more than waist deep, but often I came close to losing my balance and being rendered horizontal, instead of vertical across the murky water. Thankfully no such thing happened and I was soon on the other side, wet and soggy till my belly button. Then I started climbing the rocks. I was barefoot and often it hurt, either because the sand was burning hot or the rocks were craggy or both. It sure wasn't very enjoyable but then I had no better activity to engage in, (except maybe, fantasize at forbidden fruits, from a few light years off).
0 Replies
 
brahmin
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2005 08:02 am
0 Replies
 
McTag
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2005 08:12 am
the prince wrote:
Brilliant McTag !! When are you planning to visit ? I may be in India early Dec (work calls) for a week or so !


Hi, sire

Clary and I are going around 20 November

We will discuss our itinerary when I see her next week.

Great!

McT
0 Replies
 
McTag
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2005 08:16 am
dagmaraka wrote:
oh, mctag, can i come as your personal servant? i'll do anything.... almost. i will not cut your toenails. other than that, you name it.


So what's wrong with my toenails, all of a sudden?
I need all the help/personal servants I can get! You've got the job. I'll even do my own toenails, there, I can't say fairer than that.
0 Replies
 
dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2005 09:15 am
nuthin wrong with your toenails, mcT. just layin down some ground rules you know.
0 Replies
 
brahmin
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Oct, 2005 10:55 pm
part of a note on delhi written by a 16 year old member of my forum:-

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Delhi....hmmm... im supposed to write about it....hmmmm
ummm..
yes..
Delhi is one of the greates...Okay cut that out...
new topic.... Delhi's ppl
Delhi is one of the largest cities/smallest states/greatest mtropolotans of India.
And i am a Delhiite.
You find freaky and friendly ppl like me all over here.
ill tell you briefly (make that very briefly about us). K...

Youre in a car...im on the pavement...you ask for directions (BLUNDER!!!)
I go "oooooooooh....thaaattt.... do one thing... go seeedhe (straight)..... vahan ek chauraha aayega.... vaha ek traffic police ki post hogi... vahaan se poochh lena" (there you will find a road crossing..... you will notice a traffic police island..... ask there).

So if youre a first timer in Delhi, its better to hire a taxi (even though he'll take the longest route possible and the tampered with meter will require you to sell your boxers in order to pay, youll get to your destination....)

And yeah if youre a single female.. plz dont forget to carry some pepper spray
coz there are only three kinds of males you find here...

The Sucky Hunk
The Friendly Guy
and My Kind

the sucky hunk can be identified whilst talking to him..
he wont talk to you.... hell talk to your bust. Even if you dont talk to him you cant miss the leery "glances".

the friendly guy is well.....a bit too friendly... Hes well behaved but in the end he wants to know you "up close and personal". Nice guy to hang out with for a day or two but more than that will result in his calling you up like crazy....

then theres my kind.. we can be identified in cargo shorts and sodas in our hands. if you dont know me and talk to me youll be greeted with the raised eyebrow matched perfectly with the " What the F is wrong with you?.." look. If you still waste my time the last thing you know is that my soda has ended up in your beautiful hair , then ill give you an elegant up yours call you a loser and walk off..

the pepper spray comes in handy in all three situations.
0 Replies
 
Algis Kemezys
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Oct, 2005 04:42 pm
After my near death in Benares I got to new Delhi days before New Year.All flight booked to high heaven they allowed me special passage to south India because of my nandi in Brass from khajarahu and my newspaper story.
0 Replies
 
Steve 41oo
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Oct, 2005 05:09 pm
well I'm sorry I didnt discover this thread earlier, because Brahmin is clearly an intelligent lad, and I'm sure would be most friendly, providing you are of the right caste, religion, race, colour and nation.

I'm sorry to say this but my experience of Brahmin has been of an ignorant racist bigot. This is a summary of what laughingly passed as a discussion earlier today

..................................................

well for anyone who missed the last few illuminating pages, but mainly for my own entertainment

I said

You can get violent extremism and intolerance associated with most religions, Hinduism included as I suspect you well know.

Brahmin replied

nope.

one broken mosque (which initself is built after razing a temple) and one riot...is NOT equal to crusades, inquisition, witch burning, genocides of natives in 2.5 continents, pogroms, holocausts, latin american cathocalypse....

learn to carry your cross (excuse the pun).

(not that hes got anything against christians of course)

which places us right up there with those who carry out genocides, pogroms, crusades, butcherings, inquisitions, wholescale looting of natural resources (aka colonialism), holocausts, with those who justify slave owning in southern usa with choice quotes from the bible..... ???????!!!

bleh just bleh !!!

(so there is it, you heard it from the holy cows mouth, Hindutva violence amounted to a broken mosque.)

you guys dont know math - thats the problem.

for example,

6 million/ 3 (taking graham staines' case) = 2 million.


thats the factor - 2 million, by which you guys out do us at butchery !



besides, i thought i had already acknowledged the miniscule number of pitfalls on our part.



(thats that broken window again)

Then Brahmin (for reasons best known to himself) goes off on one about English extermination of the Jews:-

the english accuse the palmach/irgun of blowing up the king david hotel in israel and killing maybe a dozen poms - while they never ever admit that they denied entry to a million fleeing european jews ...so the english actually helped the holocaust happen, by doing their bit.

......................................................

But not to be outdone, yes you've guessed it, the Hindus were massacred in larger number (but by Muslims this time)

.....................................................

10 million (very easily) hindus who were massacred during their 700 year old misrule - instead of holding us at ransom for lashing out with the breaking of one single mosque????? instead of demanding india be turned into 3 pakistans and the shariat be imposed???

I said " We had at maximum 250,000 "colonialists",

yes. thats why gandhi was an imbecile.

he failed to see that india was just one Den Bien Phu style war away from
getting freedom from england.


(here Brahmin regrets that Indian independence was not achieved by the slaughter of the British and not through Gandhi's peaceful methods)

I pointed out


"We were against Hitler and the nazis, many Inidans supported them I seem to recall"


yes. i dont mind indians going after nazis but indians dying in europe in ww1 and 2 to save the very english who hammered us !!!?? thats just rediculous.

we should have attacked the brits in india, during ww1, when they were already stretched, and gotten out independence in 1915-ish instead of waiting till the ww2 took the wind out of the raj.

and if you do mind indians not having saved as many english lives from germans as we could have, then we could not care less.

(about now he really gets into some sort of delerium)

you tried to allege that we sided with nazis. -- "
you tried to defend deindustrialization. ----couldnt.
-------------------- introduction of english. ----""
-------------------- the sandwiching of jews. ---""
------------- defend colonization with rail, telegraph etc. -- couldnt (long before you, the raj tried to prolong their stay with rail, telegraph.. and COULDNT)

everything was spoilt for a good 100 years or so, by the time you left after looting india hollow

it matters jack what you think of a billion strong country. you aint the buddha !!

the blood of a couple billion is in your hands
you come the sort of spineless scavenger people
poms never are !!

even germany bowed her head in shame for their nazi days... but poms never learn.

poms !

(the british empire) was a nazi-style misery-machine and a spineless thing.

But, I said gently, "we did not treat people like Leopold did in the Congo"

to no avail...


you treated them worse !!!

the 6 million who died in bengal thanks to your dads.

japs (b4 ww2) are like a dream compared to poms.

taking slavery to dizzy heights and squeeziung every last drop out of it.

who the hell asked you to begin it eh ??

poms are the most uncivilised people on the planet.

speaking of nazi, the poms also did their bit to sandwich the jews - cos the poms didnt care about nazism and its dangers as long as their colonies were left untouched. so what if a few million jews die after we sandwich them !!

poms deserve a dose of their own medicine as do beligians and dutch. the jews deserved no stick. but for ww2, 90% of the colonies would still have been under the scavengers.

for every pom that died, on the other hand, some or the other native's death was avenged.

russia had not intervened, then a lot more poms would have died (much to our glee). too bad germany could not get her priorities right - they should have left the innocent jews well alone and fried poms instead.


so rip.

which prompted me to say

"You know its excitable chaps like you who go a long way to re establish national and racial stereotypes which most of us have long since left behind."

but (I should have guessed) Brahmin said

i am not exitable.

i answered everything levelheadedly.

and tell me how is the wholescale colonisation that your forefathers did and off which pomland still lives of, any lesser than the stick you got from germans during ww2 ?? serves you right.

you resorted to name calling cos i exposed you and your scavenger ilk and showed how you guys are no better than nazis, no better than leoplod, (I do like that name, Leoplod, first policeman of the Belgian Congo Smile)


oh dear he's at it again

so say your prayers and count your days.


so again, rip !!

poms !!

have used "n" number of exclaimations and questionmarks.. like i do again here to eneble you to figure out my psychological makeup some more...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I asked another participant
"are you another hindutva-nazi..."

and guess what, Brahmin thought I was talking about him, and replied


lmao pom !!!

you couldn't hold a candle against the evidence i presented that disrobed your criminal forefathers !!!

and so now i am a hindu-nazi... when nazi is precisely what your scavenger dads

the secondary semetic idelogical blood brothers are the bane of india's existance. and if these two murderous cults ever joined the dodo someday, it'd be tough to find a happier person than me.

dont see how poms are any less nazi.

as ever i get it absolutely right.

thou art the progeny of bloodthirsty cut throats.

to a third party I explained the meaning of the word pom

" It should be pohm, and no one takes offense at it anyway, although he means to be offensive."

to which Brahmin replied


sure i do.

you deserve that, your entire scavenger ilk of poms deserves that

you are just a spineless bad loser, and the epitome of a pom.

so rip.

all done your your ilk .



yours is the scum of the earth.. and the most spineless too!!!


even germans have owned up their crimes... but poms keep denying theirs !!

scum !!!!!

spineless liar !!!! (my first personal attack.... there's only so many lies a person can take)

(thats a good one dont you think, my first personal attack...Smile)

pom!!

we wont forget, let alone forgive your beggar ilk that came to loot our country hollow.


so rip and dont answer back.

By this time I had to confess to our Hindutva-not-really-Nazi that his worked up spittle flecked posts only caused amusement

to which we got the instant answer



i am not worked up.
................................................................

So there you have it, the considered thoughts of Brahmin, high caste Indian intellectual, philosopher and notable contributor to these pages. Who is not excitable or worked up. Whose responses are always judicious and thoughtful, ever mindful not to cause offense. Yes when he grows up India will be proud of him. And lets hope for all our sakes he stays there.
0 Replies
 
 

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