<Gets in the pool and fights with herself. People laugh and throw money.>
I'll take a shot of Jack Daniels this time with a good Sierra Nevada chaser!
**clothes are flying off the bar in all directions!**
I'm about ready for that poetry lesson, Mister kickster. Let me woo you with my thighs...err I mean sighs. Yeah, that too!
Clothes? We were supposed to wear clothes?
Where did kickycan go---Is he lusting off in some far off dark corner?
<Kicky walks back in to the bar from some unknown room in the back. Accompanying him on his left...a topless albino hermaphrodite with a large crocodile on a leash...and on his right...a pair of extemely obese twin octogenarians, each wearing a leather neck collar and a pink tutu. They all wear the same expression of great satisfaction. Kicky is busily picking curly gray hairs from his teeth...>
Well, that was different. Now who's ready for a gunfight!?
What? No takers? ****, everybody's got a goddammed gun, and you're all liquored up...what's the problem?
And where is that Dirty Pete fella? I paid that guy a good chunk o' cash to kill somebody--er, I mean, have a fair gunfight with one of the patrons--now where'd that damn cowboy disappear to?
<The albino hermaphrodite reaches into her gunnysack and pulls out a fat chunk of juicy raw meat, tossing it into the air. The crocodile snatches it before it can hit the floor, and throws it down it's giant pink gullet in one bite as the tutu-clad elephantine twins begin tittering like schoolgirls.>
<shoots curly hair off of kicky's lip>
I'm your huckleberry.
Oh, I see we have some fresh meat! Well, where ya been hidin' huckleberry? By the way, that's a hell of a nice pair of guns ya got there...
<The twins tittering again--they laugh at everything Kicky says>
<Freeduck runs and hides behind the pool table...the twins laugh even harder...>
Well, I guess what we got here is a yella-bellied duck! Whattaya think Anastasia?
<the hermaphrodite nods almost imperceptibly, and throws another chunk of raw meat into the air for the croc, who does the same quick snatch-gulp-swallow trick, which causes another round of tittering from the morbidly obese twins. The folds of flab around their naked mid-sections jiggle grotesquely...Kicky watches this with amusement...and titillation...>
Whattaya say we go back into the saddle room for another round of fun, girls?
<more tittering...Kicky grabs one giant ass cheek in hand and squeezes it lovingly>
Maybe this time we'll even let the three-legged baboon out of his cage...
<They all turn and walk back into the darkness behind the bar, open the well-concealed door there, and are gone again.>
<Dora walks down street, humming innocently>
"Hmm... Kicky's Happy Time Saloon? This place sounds cheery, I'll check it out!"
<pushes open door, stares in open-mouthed horror, backs out slowly>
Ellpus quickly puts todger back in his trousers.....sorry that he has frightened Dora away.
<wakes up and lifts up head from table--slowly looks looks around saloon--thinking to self: what in the hell happened last night?>
Last thing I remember is kicky in a toga singing "Shout", just like in the movie "Animal House"----What a party!!!!!
What the....?????!!!!!
This used to be my Philosophy Pub...until it tanked.
I wondered who bought this place, and turned into a total godforsaken dive.
Damn! There are peanut shells all over the floor. And...what's that ...stuff?
Eech! I don't even want to know.
Well, it's about time someone gave this town a happier, healthier, more upscale, trendier, .....and more expensive ....alternative.
Coming soon, folks!!
Whats wrong with places with peanut shells on the floor.
*curiosity makes her look inside* "Oh my" *giggles*
As she runs with terror from the Saloon door, she clearly hears Kickycan singing Leornard Cohen's song "Closing Time"
Ah we're drinking and we're dancing
and the band is really happening
and the Johnny Walker wisdom running high
And my very sweet companion
she's the Angel of Compassion
she's rubbing half the world against her thigh
And every drinker every dancer
lifts a happy face to thank her
the fiddler fiddles something so sublime
all the women tear their blouses off
and the men they dance on the polka-dots
and it's partner found, it's partner lost
and it's hell to pay when the fiddler stops:
it's CLOSING TIME
Yeah the women tear their blouses off
and the men they dance on the polka-dots
and it's partner found, it's partner lost
and it's hell to pay when the fiddler stops:
it's CLOSING TIME
Ah we're lonely, we're romantic
and the cider's laced with acid
and the Holy Spirit's crying, "Where's the beef?"
And the moon is swimming naked
and the summer night is fragrant
with a mighty expectation of relief
So we struggle and we stagger
down the snakes and up the ladder
to the tower where the blessed hours chime
and I swear it happened just like this:
a sigh, a cry, a hungry kiss
the Gates of Love they budged an inch
I can't say much has happened since
but CLOSING TIME
I swear it happened just like this:
a sigh, a cry, a hungry kiss
the Gates of Love they budged an inch
I can't say much has happened since
CLOSING TIME
I loved you for your beauty
but that doesn't make a fool of me:
you were in it for your beauty too
and I loved you for your body
there's a voice that sounds like God to me
declaring, declaring, declaring that your body's really you
And I loved you when our love was blessed
and I love you now there's nothing left
but sorrow and a sense of overtime
and I missed you since the place got wrecked
And I just don't care what happens next
looks like freedom but it feels like death
it's something in between, I guess
it's CLOSING TIME
Yeah I missed you since the place got wrecked
By the winds of change and the weeds of sex
looks like freedom but it feels like death
it's something in between, I guess
it's CLOSING TIME
Yeah we're drinking and we're dancing
but there's nothing really happening
and the place is dead as Heaven on a Saturday night
And my very close companion
gets me fumbling gets me laughing
she's a hundred but she's wearing
something tight
and I lift my glass to the Awful Truth
which you can't reveal to the Ears of Youth
except to say it isn't worth a dime
And the whole damn place goes crazy twice
and it's once for the devil and once for Christ
but the Boss don't like these dizzy heights
we're busted in the blinding lights,
busted in the blinding lights
of CLOSING TIME
The whole damn place goes crazy twice
and it's once for the devil and once for Christ
but the Boss don't like these dizzy heights
we're busted in the blinding lights,
busted in the blinding lights
of CLOSING TIME
Oh the women tear their blouses off
and the men they dance on the polka-dots
It's CLOSING TIME
And it's partner found, it's partner lost
and it's hell to pay when the fiddler stops
It's CLOSING TIME
I swear it happened just like this:
a sigh, a cry, a hungry kiss
It's CLOSING TIME
The Gates of Love they budged an inch
I can't say much has happened since
But CLOSING TIME
I loved you when our love was blessed
I love you now there's nothing left
But CLOSING TIME
I miss you since the place got wrecked
By the winds of change and the weeds of sex.
Closing Time ? But I just got here !!
