Is raising hand to get help in restaurants rude/disrespectful?

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Hi all,

Posting this question because I had a bad experience in a restaurant today and want to get confirmation about my understanding in America culture. Me and my friend went to a brunch restaurant. We firstly got helped by the front desk person and she walked us in. After a while we were ready to order, but we still didn’t see our server, so we told the person who helped us that we were ready and wanted her to tell our server. But after a long wait, we still didn’t get any help from our server. After trying to make some eye contact and failed, I raised my hand so that people can see me need help. A few seconds later, the server went straight to us and said “it is not respectful to raise your hands in America”. I was shocked because me and friend have been here for more than 5 years and we eat outside everyday, but no one has said things like this to us.

Is this really rude or the server was being rude?

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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 384 • Replies: 10

@exploringTheWorld777,

Doesn't sound especially rude to me. Sometimes, you even have to wave an empty coffee cup.

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@roger,

Thank you!

0 Replies

@exploringTheWorld777,

No, he’s not been truthful. I’ve been here all my life. After waiting awhile and not being acknowledged, it’s appropriate to signal a waiter in the manner you did. Furthermore, it is more rude for a waiter to not acknowledge and/or properly serve your table.

1 Reply

@Ragman,

It is proper as long it is not dramatic wave, have a finger snapping component or a whistle or yell. The goal in this situation is to catch my eye not alert the room.

1 Reply

@bobsal u1553115,

1. I agree that it only becomes rude when you add finger snapping, whistling, or yelling.

2. Finger snapping, whistling, or yelling is very rude.

3. A simple low-key wave or just simply raising your hand up in a low-key manner is fine.

4. It's also polite to make eye contact.

5. If you can't seem to get anyone's attention, it's also fine to get up and politely find a server.

6. That is if you feel that you have been waiting too long.

1 Reply

@Real Music,

It's also acceptable to get up and leave, go home and post about your experience on Yelp. Or stay there and leave no tip. That experience was unacceptable.

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I live in a tourist town and I have a foreign accent, so wait staff sometimes assume I don't know the ropes and is trying to explain to me how things are conducted in the US and they immediately want to add the tip to the bill until they hear I live hear and don't appreciate their overstepping boundaries.

I would have told that snippy waiter that you wouldn't have to raise your hand if he/she was attentive to customers. After all, you waited quite a bit getting your orders taken. Someone like this shouldn't work as waiter.

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@Mame,

1. Rarely have I received horrible service in restaurants.
2. When that has happened, I wouldn't leave any tip.
3. Unless the service was bad, I will always leave a tip.
4. Most of the time, the service I receive in restaurants is okay.
5. It's been years since I've last written any reviews on yelp or trip advisor.
6. That includes good reviews and bad reviews.

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@Real Music,

I always read reviews for restaurants I haven't been to and I usually leave them, good or bad, but I'd rather deal with it at the restaurant itself and not reviewing them. I've never been ignored by servers. I would have probably just left.

CJ - yes.

Something that is becoming common here is online menus for higher end restaurants that don't list prices... I just don't get that. And some don't list a phone number - you have to book online. I can tell you one thing - I'm not booking online without knowing the prices! Is that fish dish $22, $32, $42, $52? Yeah, no. I've called those with phone numbers and asked why and they tell me the menus in the restaurants have prices... well, that doesn't help me decide. Well, actually, it does. I decide No.

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@Mame,

1. I also read reviews of restaurants I'm not familiar with.
2. I read reviews of hotels and restaurants.
3. When I take trips or travel to other cities, I will always read reviews of various hotels and restaurants.
4. Along with other criteria, that helps me determine which hotel I will book.
5. Also, reading reviews helps me in creating a list of restaurants I might want to try out while traveling or visiting.
6. I just haven't personally written any reviews in a long time.

In some cases, I've booked restaurant reservations by phone, but never online.
When I read reviews, costs and prices are sometimes mentioned in the reviews.

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