Need life guidance/advice. 27m.

Fri 27 Oct, 2023 05:49 pm
I’m pretty lost, and don’t know what to do.

Some quick background:
27 years old. I didn’t have a fantastic family life/upbringing. At 18, I moved out and went to college. I graduated college as a collegiate athlete. Post college, I could not figure out what I wanted to do. A couple years after, I finally decided to pursue my childhood dream of becoming a pilot. This is when things started to change.

I had been with a great girl from 19-26. She was loyal, good partner, kind, and a good person. The last couple of years I started to get scared about the figure. I had thoughts like, “is this is?” “Do we just get married, and that’s what the rest of my life looks like?” Those thoughts eventually led to me breaking up with her. I didn’t feel ready at the time. I feel like I sabotaged myself.

After breaking up, I went on this huge self improvement kick, and ultimately decided to move to a brand new state (where I knew almost no one) and pursue flying. I didn’t want to become stagnant, and I wanted to chase something I was passionate about and something that would make more money. It was all great in theory. What I didn’t think through, were the downsides of my plan.

1. I am lonely here, I don’t know anyone here.
2. I have no money (being in flight school is expensive). I’m not in any debt, and live a relatively frugal life as a roommate.
3 . I created this fantasy that through self improvement that I’d become much more attractive as a man. Although I am relatively accomplished (degree, athletic achievements, etc) and attractive, I’ve come to the realization (or is it something that was created in my own head because of anxiety) that women only go for guys with money, and I am killing any potential options I have in the dating market by being back in school, living as a roommate at 27.
4. I am doing this all in hopes that the market will be good for pilots by the time I get there.

Sometimes I really feel like I am a failure, I feel like I sabotaged my own life.

Any advice, guidance, suggestions I can get are welcome from all. Any clarifying questions, please ask away.
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Fri 27 Oct, 2023 06:05 pm
At 27, you're still finding yourself. So don't fall into the abyss and decide you've made a mess of your life. You haven't.

And don't worry about your ex and how things went. Actually, I think you handled it in a remarkably mature fashion. Sometimes, you meet people too early, or you're unsure, or whatever. You let her go, and that was a helluva lot kinder than sticking it out, hoping that somehow you'd come around to thinking it was what you wanted.

Maybe it will be, eventually. But it isn't right now.

Take this time as a break from relationships. I think that's the easiest way to handle it. Just... you're concentrating on school and saving money and if something happens, great. But don't go out of your way to look for it.

In the meantime, do just that—er, that is, save $$ and go to school. You'll probably find that a bit of time away from the romance rat race does you some good.
Fri 27 Oct, 2023 06:20 pm
Thanks for your advice.

I like the concept of just focusing on school right now, but it can be so hard.

I've always been in relationships since I was 16 or so, so learning what it's like to be alone, in a situation where I feel as though I am not valuable as a partner to anyone.

I worry about the age thing a lot. I am consistently worried about whether or not all of the "good ones" will be taken by the time I am dating again. And if they are not, why would they want me?
Sat 28 Oct, 2023 10:51 am
Oh honey you will be one of the good ones! A dashing pilot with a great career ahead of you? You'll be fine. Smile
Tue 7 Nov, 2023 06:18 am
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