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Rape fight or submit?

 
 
Sun 22 Oct, 2023 07:09 am
I know a female friend who was raped 2 times, one when she was drunk and did not fight and a number of years later when she was so sober and she thought **** no not again and tried to fight, then she got hurt badly and spent a few days in hospital.
The first time she remembers a little pain at first then she just went kind of numb and it was over within 5 minutes, she then got away and was home in less then half hour.
This has been floating around my head for a while and just was wondering about opinions, I say, if you think you can win, fight, if you think not just let do his thing and protect yourself.

Lay back say no all the time and then let him do his thing, make it as easy as possible
or
Fight even if you get hurt and not let him put it without force
 
jespah
 
  3  
Sun 22 Oct, 2023 11:27 am
@justliketoknow,
Or the guy could just, oh I dunno, not rape people?

You're putting 100% of the onus on the woman to do or not do something or other.

There are a thousand ways we can second guess our decisions that are made in the moment. We can be armchair quarterbacks but you and I were not there.

Plus of course circumstances differ. A victim with good fighting skills can still be too shocked/traumatized to act.

And let's not forget prosecutions of this crime. In the US (and I realize you are likely to be in the UK, given your use of the term in hospital. Here, we would say in the hospital, but I digress), a victim who lays back in fear, praying it for to be over with quickly can be ripped by a defense attorney for not objecting clearly enough, no matter what she says. At the same time, a victim who fights back can be seen as an assailant. The justice system is often messed up ten ways till Sunday and I have worked in it and seen it up close.

About the only thing I can honestly say is that a victim who does not involve the authorities is absolutely not doing anyone any favors. Why? Because DNA evidence, if obtainable, can potentially link a person to multiple crimes. And even without DNA evidence, a criminal complaint, even one that's dropped, sits in the records, just waiting to be discovered if it comes up in a records search.

If you've followed the Natalee Holloway case at all, Joren Van Der Sloot recently confessed, most likely because the statute of limitations in Aruba had run and he knew he'd be let off scot-free. But there was a second case and now, with both matters linked, it's easier to see a relationship between them.

Rape is one of the toughest crimes to prosecute, and perpetrators are counting on victims to shut up and take it—and be too traumatized to tell anyone, let alone report the matter to the authorities.

But saying nothing only gives the perp a license to do it to the next victim.
Bogulum
 
  4  
Mon 23 Oct, 2023 04:25 am
@jespah,
Quote:
Or the guy could just, oh I dunno, not rape people?

You're putting 100% of the onus on the woman to do or not do something or other.


I understand it's morally the absolute correct response. It's certainly not women's fault that men rape. But to the question "Is it better for a rape victim to fight back, or not?" I don't think "Just tell men to stop raping" is a particularly reasonable answer. If he had been talking about any other kind of violent crime - it's a valid hypothetical - resist, or give in?

I think if a woman is trained to fight back, she should fight back. The reason I don't think it's wise to resist if untrained is because a rapist is about domination - exercising power over someone weaker - and an ineffective struggle would just please the sick bastard.
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