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A guy..is it my fault?? Did he display huge red flags??

 
 
Reply Mon 25 Sep, 2023 07:51 pm
So this guy and I have been living in close proximity for about 2 years. We see each other in passing every now and then and exchange greetings. One day he asks me for my number, and I was very upfront about not wanting a relationship because I'm unfit, and that we can see if we can build a friendship.


He agreed and we exchanged numbers.

We spoke via text (not a phone caller type of person) for around a week straight...during that time he asked me to be in a relationship numerous times, in which I declined each time.

I explained to him that we're strangers who have exchanged greetings a few times, and asked him why he wants to rush.. he never answered that question.


When we first started communicating via telephone, he told me that he liked me a lot and that he wanted to be there for me and support me in any way that he could. That he liked talking to me and wanted to continue.


The last time I told him no, and asked him what's wrong with being friends... was 3 days ago.

I'm assuming that he got mad and blocked me or is ignoring me..since he never replied.

Was he genuinely interested and just felt defeated because perhaps he had worked up a lot of gumption to finally ask someone out that he really liked and is now disappointed and deflated?

Or is he just a desperately eager and lonely person with low self esteem who doesn't know his worth just willing to settle for anyone??

(He did say that he is single, lives alone, lonely, and has nobody)

Or was he just trying to use me to make someone else jealous enough to come back to him and be with him?

Perhaps the one who he really wants has somebody now, and he decided to get someone too? Maybe it's a *** for tat thing with them?? Maybe playing games.


Perhaps he saw me as a downtrodden spinster eager desperate and easy to manipulate??


(He did ask me for a picture of myself)

We're those red flags, or did he just genuinely see me as a nice person and wanted to lock in before anyone else did???


I really feel hurt sad and depressed now. I really did grow fond of him and developed a crush on him over the years...and I always hoped he would befriend me...

I am crushed, and keep constantly checking my phone hoping that he'd reach out to me...

Should I ignore him now if I see him in passing, or just wave and don't stop??
 
CalamityJane
 
  4  
Reply Mon 25 Sep, 2023 08:24 pm
Either you are very young or there is something wrong with you. The red flag is you!

He asked you for your number to get to know you and obviously wanted more than just a platonic relationship. You, on the the other hand, gave him one mixed signal after the other until he decided it's not worth it.

Leave him alone if you don't want a relationship. If you want a friendship get
some girlfriends and hang out with them.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2023 08:24 am
@Natty152235,

Agreed, Calamity Jane.

OP: why, exactly, is every reason you're giving an excuse to tear yourself down? Your self-esteem is in the trash. Get some counseling to work on yourself so you can feel better about yourself. And stop saying you're unfit. Unless you're in active mourning for the recently deceased love of your life, you're fit for a relationship.

If you didn't want one with him, then you should not have given him your number. The first time he asked you to be in a relationship was your first clue that he didn't want to just be pals. That was the time to be firm and tell him sorry, this isn't working out, and then losing his number and potentially blocking him. In the moment, he would've likely been angry but it would have been for the best.

Don't. String. People. Along.
0 Replies
 
coluber2001
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Sep, 2023 03:42 pm
You can have a relationship with him, but that doesn't mean you have to have a sexual relationship. You can be around each other and date, but if he insists on having sex and you don't want sex then just make that clear. If he insists that the relationship depends on sex, then just end it.



0 Replies
 
 

 
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