Happy in My Marriage But…??

You should really talk to a therapist about this, but you might question why you are allowing it to affect you to this degree. Sexual pleasure isn't the be all and end all in a successful marriage. You've enjoyed twenty years of trust and intimacy – that's a great foundation for a mature relationship. I vote for "sucking it up". ood luck

I think you should bring this up with her, not us. If she's your best friend, she deserves to know how you're feeling. She may not mind you fooling around given your history of swinging. But it would likely hurt her deeply if she wasn't aware of what you're doing.

Don't throw away your marriage just for some meaningless sex!
Just persue your wife more until she gives in. Is she aware that you are willing to start cheating on her, or possibly already have?

I'm not going to downplay the importance of sex in a marriage. It is an integral part of the bond between two people.

Having said that, you must be aware of not only the physical changes a woman goes through during menopause but the mental component as well. You don't mention any particulars, such as hormone therapy or hot flashes. Losing interest in sex is quite common. She's not alone and neither are you.

The worst thing to do is to bring up getting sex elsewhere. Please think through ultimatums such as that. You may get more than you bargained for. You talk about it's been a year but you also need to understand this is for the rest of her life too. Maybe she needs counseling, maybe you do too.

It all boils down to the level of effort from both of you. Both of you need to compromise and only you know what you are willing to do or not do. Just be aware, the grass isn't greener after a divorce and cheaters don't fair well either.

It's not that you have to suck it up either. But a little patience and a whole lot more understanding could be useful at this point.

Neptuneblue's post is a sensitive one and she's giving you great advice!

Additionally, how would you feel if down the road at age 65 or 70 you'll difficulties performing? Growing old together also means taking in consideration that one partner will have a hard time at one point or another to cope with age
related challenges. One major one is definitely menopause. You need to talk
to her and perhaps she can get a physical checkup and see how her hormone levels fluctuate and what can be done about it.

Help her and accept her changing body, mood swings etc. and try to cope with it together. There will come a time when you'd want that same compassion from her.

"until she gives in"???

Good catch!! Coco has more nuts in it

Thanks for all your feedback guys