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Fri 23 Jun, 2023 09:48 am
I am a widow for over a decade now and have had about 4 relationships since. Every time my adult daughter who is married to a wonderful guy interferes and tells me what's wrong with the person I'm seeing especially if the guy wants to get closer with me (i.e., talks of living together etc).
She did have some valid points in the past and now she objects to my current partner b/c she thinks he is inconsiderate and selfish which he can be on certain occasions. I did talk to him about it and he is really trying to change. I was ready to break up with him and he told me he'd do anything for me not to leave him so I'm giving him one more chance. He hasn't lied or done anything really bad but I can see my daughter's concerns that he is not the most generous person around (not just material stuff but also some manners); however, generally he treats me great and he also treats my adult son very well.
Last night she told me off when she learned we are spending the weekend together. She told me she is already stressed (she is having fertility issues) and me staying with my bf stresses her even more and if I stay with him she will need to set boundaries on our close relationship. I told her I need to live my own life and she said she isn't telling me what to do but she thinks I'm wasting my time and it will jeopardize my relationship with her.
I told her again I'm giving him a limited amount of time to address the concerns and I'd appreciate her understanding. She reiterated that I go from boyfriend to boyfriend and I can't be alone. Well, I can be alone but i don't like being alone...I really miss my late husband/her dad!!
Should I just stay the course with her or is there something else I can do? I feel guilty which I'm sure is one of her goals.
Are you living in her home? Have you leaned on her for support to end relationships? Do you take care of yourself?
The problem seems to be her conditions and emotional demands.
Live your own life and as long as you are not leaning on her for support, let her handle her own disappoints with your life while being totally available to be there for her.
May I ask if there is some cultural reasons for her assumption of a sort of guardianship over you?
@getingalongor,
Quote:she isn't telling me what to do but she thinks I'm wasting my time and it will jeopardize my relationship with her.
She is telling you what to do. I suggest you set some boundaries. Perhaps you are oversharing about something that your daughter feels she has some stake in. I would let your relationships develop for a while before bringing your daughter on board and even then not share all the details of your relationship.
This post reminds me of one that was posted some time ago. It's similar in that the widowed woman had a similar problem but she did explain a number of the boyfriend's habits. In that one, he did seem very selfish and rude and I remember thinking I would not want to spend much time with the guy.
Maybe the daughter is worried that the guy is looking for a different wallet to use. I don't know, I think she should at least listen to her daughters concerns but remember that she herself is in charge of her life.
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