Am I overreacting or do I have cause for concern

Forums:
Email this Topic • Print this Page

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year. I love him dearly but he's still very much involved with his ex fiancé's family and friends. I found it difficult to understand when we first met given that they didn't have kids or anything. As our relationship has progressed he has distanced himself from a lot of them. Especially ones who tried causing trouble during the early stages of our relationship. However, her best friend is still very much a larger part of his life than I would like her to be.
His behaviour when it comes to her is bizarre. He insists it's just a platonic thing. And yet when he goes to meet her for a drink when I'm ot around, his behaviour is so weird. He'll go totally radio silent then if I message or call him he'll be really cagey. It just makes my spidey sense tingle a bit. And to top it off, there hasn't been one weekend for the last few months that hasn't involved us meeting her for drinks. We only see each other at weekends due to work and distance, and I end up with his ex's best friend who always manages to bring the conversation round to his ex. And I have been told that she does report back to his ex. When I try explaining how uncomfortable I am with all this, he calls me narcissisticly jealous.
I've tried explaining its not jealousy, I'm just very uncomfortable with this and at times I feel like a 3rd wheel in my own relationship. Am I acting jealous? Do I have cause for concern?

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 3 • Views: 310 • Replies: 2

[+4] - jespah - 05/20/2023I don't think you're overreacting at all. Here's an idea. Make plans to go away to, say, a bed and breakfast or a beach or some not too terribly expensive vacation that is geographically...

@Misskitten,

I don't think you're overreacting at all.

Here's an idea.

Make plans to go away to, say, a bed and breakfast or a beach or some not too terribly expensive vacation that is geographically between the two of you. So, for example, if you were in Boston and he was in Philadelphia, it would be somewhere between the Connecticut coastline and the Jersey shore. NYC is probably too expensive for what I'm thinking of.

This isn't meant to be a blowout vacation. It's more like a weekend or a three-day weekend.

Propose this trip to him but don't make the plans for him. You're giving him the right to have some input.

Observe how he behaves.

Red flags:

* OMG we'll be spending the weekend without ___, whatever shall we do?
* Oh, let's get a room for ___ to join us!
* Nah, ____ doesn't like ___ (whatever place you picked out).

Probably not red flags:

* Sorry, I can't; I've got to __ (some sort of errand that takes time, like working on his car).
* Gotta work that weekend, no can do.
* I promised my mother (or father, sister, etc.) I would ___ (something like clean the gutters, take them to a show, watch their kids).

Definitely not red flags:

* Sorry, but I'm not a fan of ___ (the town, the beach, the hotel), so can we do ____ instead?
* That's right in the middle of ___ (some big push at work, e.g. inventory, tax season, the Xmas rush, our big annual sale, the regional manager is inspecting the plant, etc.), so it's not a good weekend for me. How about ___ instead?
* I'm watching my spending right now (or calories). Can we do something less expensive/less fattening?
* I'm sorry if you've got your heart set on ___, but I've been there and it's terrible/it got terrible reviews on Yelp.
Someone who rejects every single plan is one thing, but someone who offers an alternative (even if you're not a big fan of the alternative) is making an effort.

See what happens. And if the little vacation happens, don't take it as an opportunity to talk about this gal or your relationship. Just go and have fun.

Am I overreacting or do I have cause for concern

Quick Links

My Account

able2know