Toxic Aunt.

Forums: Toxic Relatives, Family, Toxicity
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Firstly, I hope I'm not breaking any rules here... I am new here, and I would like to be informed if there is a rule against making multiple posts/threads, considering I once got banned briefly from a forum for doing that... when I still don't see what the problem was. ^^;

But anyway.... I figured this is a different topic from friendship problems, so I thought I'd give this a go.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking for here, maybe it's just... I still have a bug up my butt about this issue, and things involving this issue. And I feel like I need to talk about it someplace. Maybe I'm just hoping that a new group of people and a fresh set of eyes might be able to help offer some insights, especially since.... some people who might be able to say something are too close to situation to be unbiased, or other people have... already given what insights they could without being personally involved.

So anyway, here we go:

In a nutshell, apparently... my aunt didn't grow up in the best environment, but from what I heard.... she was at least not-half-bad, sorta, while she, her sister and my dad were growing up... according to my Dad, anyway.

And both she and my Dad excelled at school, were valedictorians, and... I think each of them at least sorta set their sights high in life, or at least... wanted to prove they could really be something. Especially her.

Also, please note that although neither of them have been formally diagnosed, it is highly suspected that both these individuals (the aunt I am speaking of here, and my Dad) have Aspergers.

She ended up attending a Bible seminar straight out of college, where she fell head over heels in love with a guy... who did not return her affections. Instead of accepting that and moving on, she uprooted her entire life and moved to a neighboring state to follow him. Somehow, I guess he did end up slipping through her fingers (good for him!) but... she ended up meeting a different guy and chasing after him in the same area... someone with the same first name, no-less.

He wasn't interested in her either. He was interested in someone else. But my aunt managed to wedge her way between them, by at least getting herself pregnant and pressuring the man to marry her in order to do the "right thing".

Over a decade and three children later, they got divorced. But she was still so proud of the fact that she had, at least, managed to keep that guy and the woman he was actually interested in apart. She even bought the house that those two had once lived in while they were a thing! And continues to stay there to this day, despite talking several times in the past about how much she hates the house.

Anyway, she has simply proven to be one of the most manipulative, greedy and controlling people I have ever known... if you want me to list some examples of some things she's done, perhaps I can at a future point in time, but....

One primary example I really want to focus on here is... during one of the last times we were in touch with her, she admitted to my Mom at least a couple of times that her dream/ideal reality would be the following:

If she could just have it her way, everyone in her family would... not live in the same house exactly, because she would still want her space reserved for herself and her kids, (all of whom are grown now...) but... she would like everyone to live in some kind of interconnected building where her family would live in one space, my household unit (Mom, Dad, me and my brother) would live in another part of it, and her and Dad's sister and maybe her grown children might live in the other part of it....

And more importantly... she herself would be the head of it all, everyone would answer to her, and she would be responsible and have access to everyone's money and what got done with it.

And nobody would ever be allowed to talk back to her or disagree with her. And we would all be a family, and... "This is how God meant it to be." Her own words.

I guess.... I was just wondering if anyone here has any thoughts, insights, opinions on this... and well...

Can someone just... answer me WHY exactly someone would become like this, why they would refuse to budge from this stance, and why they even exhibited behavior and reactions that have been backstabbing, even borderline stalking, when all we did was make it clear we were sticking up for ourselves and we didn't want to things the way she had in mind?

I can elaborate further if I need to, I would just really like to hear some opinions and insights.

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[+5] - Mame - 01/27/2023Shut the hell up. You're a complete idiot who makes no sense whatsoever. Just shut up and or go away.

@Lenoralawn,

Your aunt sounds like hard work, she may be a narcissist. Google Narcissistic Personality Disorder for more information.

Sorry I can't be of morehelp.

As far as multiple threads/topics goes there's no problem if they're different. You should have no problems starting threads on local wildlife, newspaper articles, puzzles, politics, anything really as long as you don't start another load of threads about your aunt asking pretty much the same questions as this one.

1 Reply

@Lenoralawn,

Please stop using so many ellipses, they're unnecessary and really annoying and distracting.

0 Replies

@Lenoralawn,

Great... Another 20-something who thinks they have Life all figured out.

Except you don't.

See, if you were MY child, you'd be receiving the Long Arm of the Law right across your mouth in hopes of knocking that insolent, condescending tone right out your ears.

Coz you don't listen. Yea, you may have the facts and figures correct but you're Life dumb. You act young, immature and entitled.

There is nothing wrong with your aunt's dream. That's what it is - a dream. And here you are, bashing and judging and thinking you've got this. But you haven't experienced Life. Not by a long shot.

It's distressing to see this generation judge so harshly. Have you ever been In Love? The heart and soul, I'd do anything thing for you Love? Because if you haven't you sure are missing out on one of the best things this life has to offer. Don't even get me started about divorce. That's a different kind of discussion.

You talk about your aunt as a sleazy whore who just takes any ole man. You're describing her actions but don't understand the passion, history or motives behind what she did or is doing.

Making that hump over 50 brings alot of different perspectives. The thought of knowing you have more years behind you than in front of you makes a very interesting conversation. Have you had that conversation with her? Do you know her, understand who she is and what she wants?

At this stage she wants to make sure her loved ones are taking care of. She wants them close and healthy and able to lean on each other the way families do it best.

Maybe take a step back and really look. And listen. Maybe you'll learn that back in the day, women didn't own property. They needed a husband's signature to open their own bank account. Society expected women to get married and have babies regardless of their talents, aspirations or wants.

Maybe after knowing all of that, maybe you'll gain perspective on her. Maybe even a little admiration.

Maybe.

Or maybe you're get a self absorbed princess who's had everything handed to her. So show us who YOU are.

2 Replies

@izzythepush,

Agreed with this; of course guessing what you are saying is true and from what you state here.

It does not appear as if you are not dissing her dream necessarily as much as using this as an example of her behavior; like you stated, this is one example. So assuming what you are stating is her behavior, my only suggestion is to stay away from her as much as you can. If she is narcissistic as izzythepush says nothing you can say or do will alter her. Your title says it all Toxi aunt. Just because she is family does not mean you need to spend time with her. Why spend time with her if you find her toxic?

1 Reply

@neptuneblue,

So I can definitely see I made a big mistake here... because I posted a personal topic and someone who doesn't know, or my aunt, or anything much about the situation has stepped in and acts like they know everything... without even asking any questions or trying to understand the situation better themselves.

And for your information, I am in my mid-thirties, I used to have a job, and now I help take care of two family members at home who need my help. And please don't say that I haven't experienced life yet, because I've been through the horrors of financial hardships, eviction, having relatives turn their backs on me instead of helping, and even having to stay at a homeless shelter for a little while.

I suppose you do have ONE thing correct, though... I am a bit of an entitled princess because, overall, I was pretty spoiled when I was much younger. And that's cuz my parents were awesome, and they were trying to do better than their own parents.

I do appreciate what you said, though, when you pointed out that women used to be unable to own land or do much of anything, because... that is a fact I need to be reminded of once in a while. I think a lot of us probably are spoiled and take a lot of things for granted, and we forget the hard work that our ancestors had to do to get us where we are now. However...

That doesn't give my aunt the right to tell us what she wants us to do and then, if we say we don't want to do it that way, she shouldn't go behind our backs and try to force/manipulate events to go her way. That is part of the problem, she tries to get her way no matter what and won't listen to anyone else.

And to be fair, we did try talking to her a few times. All she does is ignore us, or sometimes she changes the subject when we start to hit upon something she doesn't want to hear.

Honestly... there are SOME areas where I do admire the woman a little, because she's always had a drive to pursue what she wants and dream big. And there is nothing wrong with that. The problem is that she doesn't take no for an answer, she pursues unrealistic ventures instead of sticking to things that are within her means, and she wants to run everyone else's lives when she can't even keep her own in order.

Though if you feel that it's possible for someone to pursue her dream of eventually becoming rich to the point where you own a house in every state, and can oneday go all around the country by visiting each of your estates, one by one, well... more power to you. I wish you all the best and I hope you're successful, and I hope you don't waste your time like she did.

2 Replies

@Lenoralawn,

You're right - I don't know what I don't know.

And you don't either - that's the point.

Some day some whipper snapper is going to come into your life and make broad and unflattering comments about your life, what you've done and how you could improve.

It doesn't feel good when you're the recipient and have no way to defend your actions.

Talk to her. She sounds like she knows what she's doing. Maybe learn from that.

1 Reply

@neptuneblue,

I've already had a young whipper snapper come into my life at least once. She once told me I'm absolute trash for not having the same opinions as her and for not "turning my life around" in the way she feels I should. =)

Also... I guess you aren't reading my posts, cuz I clearly stated we have already tried talking to her. If she wants us to learn from her, then she also needs to learn how to listen to us and be willing to compromise, not just shut us down or backstab us, or talk to other people behind our backs.

Anywho, I'm done with this conversation, especially since... I guess it's pretty fruitless anyway, and there is nothing further to be gained here.

I would like to say thank you for the attention though, because one of the reasons I come here is to have people interactions, and to see what others might say, and I have received that at least. So I would like to give everyone who's posted in this thread a very fond thank you, and I wish all of you well. Smile

*moves onto other topics now*

4 Replies

@Lenoralawn,

Yes.

Somehow, I know exactly what you're saying.

1 Reply

@Lenoralawn,

Fond regards to you too, although I have to agree with Cherrie about ellipses, you want to knock that on the head.

0 Replies

@Lenoralawn,

Sorry Lenora, I have noticed some people are always negative rather than trying to help another person out. Unfortunately life is like that, I try to ignore the negative energy almost like your aunt in this situation and try to just have people in your life that are positive, and that includes comments on things like this.

Same as they do not know your total background, you do not know theirs. Some just like to post negative things just to be that way and for whatever gratification they get out that. One does not need that and it is easy just not read or deal with others that are not helpful.

2 Replies

@RPhalange,

Agreed.

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@RPhalange,

Oh.

I didn't realize your opinion was the only one that mattered.

1 Reply

@neptuneblue,

His response was to 'tone', not advice. Wasn't it obvious? Well, apparently not to a tone-deaf person.

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@Lenoralawn,

Lenoralawn wrote:

Firstly, I hope I'm not breaking any rules here... I am new here, and I would like to be informed if there is a rule against making multiple posts/threads, considering I once got banned brief

If so, I would say that is how it should go if it was in error such as your concern once the first amendment applies to you and protects your free exercise of dumb or being dumb even.

Lenoralawn wrote:

according to my Dad, anyway.

And both she and my Dad excelled at school, were valedictorians, and... I think each of them at least sorta set their sights high in life, or at least... wanted to prove they could really be something. Especially her.

She sounds like a real gem in the ruff doesn't she?

Lenoralawn wrote:

Also, please note that although neither of them have been formally diagnosed, it is highly suspected that both these individuals (the aunt I am speaking of here, and my Dad) have Aspergers.

Okay, now, I know this part but did she ever pay you back on next Tuesday which would be Wednesday and yes she did you say.

Lenoralawn wrote:

She ended up attending a Bible seminar straight out of college, where she fell head over heels in love with a guy... who did not return her affections. Instead of accepting that and moving on, she uprooted her entire life and moved to a neighboring state to follow him. Somehow, I guess he did end up slipping through her fingers (good for him!) but... she ended up meeting a different guy and chasing after him in the same area... someone with the same first name, no-less.

He wasn't interested in her either. He was interested in someone else. But my aunt managed to wedge her way between them, by at least getting herself pregnant and pressuring the man to marry her in order to do the "right thing".

Mr Anticominglements meets Ms Willsallboy and becomes Mrs Somethingorotheranyway. So that is grand for all.

Lenoralawn wrote:

Over a decade and three children later, they got divorced. But she was still so proud of the fact that she had, at least, managed to keep that guy and the woman he was actually interested in apart. She even bought the house that those two had once lived in while they were a thing! And continues to stay there to this day, despite talking several times in the past about how much she hates the house.

Anyway, she has simply proven to be one of the most manipulative, greedy and controlling people I have ever known... if you want me to list some examples of some things she's done, perhaps I can at a future point in time, but....

Send it to [email protected] a place where only tree hopping is reviewed as a cover. We welcome the junk mail.

Lenoralawn wrote:

One primary example I really want to focus on here is... during one of the last times we were in touch with her, she admitted to my Mom at least a couple of times that her dream/ideal reality would be the following:

If she could just have it her way, everyone in her family would... not live in the same house exactly, because she would still want her space reserved for herself and her kids, (all of whom are grown now...) but... she would like everyone to live in some kind of interconnected building where her family would live in one space, my household unit (Mom, Dad, me and my brother) would live in another part of it, and her and Dad's sister and maybe her grown children might live in the other part of it....

And more importantly... she herself would be the head of it all, everyone would answer to her, and she would be responsible and have access to everyone's money and what got done with it.

And nobody would ever be allowed to talk back to her or disagree with her. And we would all be a family, and... "This is how God meant it to be." Her own words.

That is terrible sounding and evil in reality. I would avoid her from now on unless she has disappeared moving in states right next to other next obsessions.

0 Replies

@neptuneblue,

neptuneblue wrote:

It's distressing to see this generation judge so harshly. Have you ever been In Love? The heart and soul, I'd do anything thing for you Love?

Have you ever done anything for anyone because you care to be given a chance at love?

neptuneblue wrote:

Because if you haven't you sure are missing out on one of the best things this life has to offer. Don't even get me started about divorce. That's a different kind of discussion.

Are you saying you went through the motions of divorce with cause? Like biblical divorce but you were only acting out the needed adulatory with 2 witnesses?

neptuneblue wrote:

You talk about your aunt as a sleazy whore who just takes any ole man. You're describing her actions but don't understand the passion, history or motives behind what she did or is doing.

Making that hump over 50 brings alot of different perspectives. The thought of knowing you have more years behind you than in front of you makes a very interesting conversation. Have you had that conversation with her? Do you know her, understand who she is and what she wants?

At this stage she wants to make sure her loved ones are taking care of. She wants them close and healthy and able to lean on each other the way families do it best.

But, if you cause a divorce or have already you are exactly not taking care of anybody and definitely travelling not to hell but far away from God and God's. How is that love?

neptuneblue wrote:

Maybe take a step back and really look. And listen. Maybe you'll learn that back in the day, women didn't own property. They needed a husband's signature to open their own bank account. Society expected women to get married and have babies regardless of their talents, aspirations or wants.

Maybe after knowing all of that, maybe you'll gain perspective on her. Maybe even a little admiration.

Maybe.

Or maybe you're get a self absorbed princess who's had everything handed to her. So show us who YOU are.

I might be too far back but I hear you and do not discount either side. Just thought I would submit what I already [email protected] you are agentx for purposeful cause.

Thank you,
Mark

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@RPhalange,

Spending time with her is definitely a no-no else you have nothing to speak.

0 Replies

@Lenoralawn,

Toxic THE
Britney Sears

Lenoralawn wrote:

I've already had a young whipper snapper come into my life at least once. She once told me I'm absolute trash for not having the same opinions as her and for not "turning my life around" in the way she feels I should. =)

That is a hell of a way to give advice, the "cease and do exactly as I have ordered you as if I am channeling the authority from God without the consent" and 'not his message so my first instruction is to not allow you direct access'. Like 3 wishes to a lepper-con and the somehow enslave them and removes the counter and puts the negative manifest in to the future and on non-communal enemies. First think I respond with is an order called Exfil-Her and all others, abandoned by Law. 10:57pm on this date it is done.

Lenoralawn wrote:

Also... I guess you aren't reading my posts,

Which posts at which location are you referring to, codename Yellow, because I have no idea.

Lenoralawn wrote:

cuz I clearly stated we have already tried talking to her. If she wants us to learn from her, then she also needs to learn how to listen to us and be willing to compromise, not just shut us down or backstab us, or talk to other people behind our backs.

I know of only one permitted to talk about other without their presence and He can do with who-ever he needs and they also are temporarily exempted from the requirements to not speak ill about the living or the dead. Who is the she again?

Lenoralawn wrote:

Anywho, I'm done with this conversation, especially since... I guess it's pretty fruitless anyway, and there is nothing further to be gained here.

I would like to say thank you for the attention though, because one of the reasons I come here is to have people interactions, and to see what others might say, and I have received that at least. So I would like to give everyone who's posted in this thread a very fond thank you, and I wish all of you well. *moves onto other topics now*

And should be that be what you had? Be able to speak and be able to know or no and be equal? What about the other party beyond me?
Thanks,
Mark B

0 Replies

@neptuneblue,

Beginning, if you were scared of NE in your reference of Neptune. Nuptials produces the authorized fear of being called LS. TIA for Time. So, like CIA and TIA would cause deep pain and suffering in only one but from manipulation they predicted and allowed for they thought trust was bigger than Counter Terroristic measures. N he protects the O and the N even though you ignored and went with spouse with N first initial. Second, SEC broke off of second. Somehow you won't want to reply to this, nobody will. But do not SW.

1 Reply

@Mrknowspeople,

Shut the hell up. You're a complete idiot who makes no sense whatsoever. Just shut up and or go away.

0 Replies

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