Adult child (oxymoron, I know) is back home with us . . again!

Well, if you remember from earlier this year when my youngest step-son, now 26 years old, had to move back home with us because he and his girlfriend got into it and he ended up being arrested, released, placed on house arrest, and had to wear an ankle monitoring device until his charges were cleared up. This is an on and off thing with him and his girlfriend. The break up and make up more than the sun rises and sets. When they're in a bad spot he comes here and gives the same old lame story that he's tired of her and he's moving on from her but within a few days or weeks they're back together. According to my wife, his mom, it's all her fault. I have to remind her, no, it's not all her fault. Her son has a lot to do with it too. They both are at fault. But you're never going to get a mom to go against their child no matter what. Remember he had a big issue with smoking weed and I told him I didn't want that smell in my house. This resulted in him just sleeping in his car in the driveway. And even one night we had a major snow storm, him and the girl were sleeping in the back seat of his car huddled together for warmth. Now mind you, this girl still had the apartment they shared. Eventually a number of the charges were cleared up or dropped because she didn't show up to court and the ankle monitoring device was removed. He moved back to their place.

A few weeks ago he comes to our house and was sitting on the sofa saying how he's tired of her drama and wants to leave again. I looked at him and told him he's not done with her so stop filling everyone's head with this crap. In a few weeks they're gonna roll up and she'll be driving his car so I didn't want to hear it again. A little more than a week ago my wife informs me that he was moving back home with us because he is done with her. I looked at my wife and said no way. Well, long story short he moved back in. How many times do I have to keep explaining to my wife that him and this girl are just going to keep doing this back and forth thing but we don't have to keep being his parachute or soft landing spot. She is just determined that this girl is not going to get her son into anymore trouble, but, her son keeps running back to this girl when things cool down and they make up. I'm fed up with the whole thing. So now he's back here again sleeping on the air mattress in the spare bedroom and if I bring up the subject of rent then the wife complains that he's not making enough to pay rent. He works food deliveries when he feels like it and he says he can't find a job because of a few more pending court cases he is facing. none of these court cases will result in him doing any time. I just think he's not even trying to find a descent job. Not saying that food deliveries isn't a descent job but I don't know anyone who does that full time and can afford their own place, rent, food, groceries, utilities, gas, etc. all on a food delivery paycheck.

And the very next day after he moved back here with us he was hanging out with his prior girlfriend. The one who he had a hard time breaking up with and she keyed his car and called everyone in the family looking for him. I honestly think this kid loves the drama. He can't be alone or single for more than a few days before finding someone else to hang around. Me and his older brother tell him all the time he needs to take a break from women and relationships in general to get his stuff together. And of course he's telling his mom one thing but I'm not stupid. She swears all up and down that they are not sleeping together because he said so. I was in the kitchen that day and he walks in there and tells me he's going to do better about the weed smell I looked at him and was frank with him. My question to him was this. "Is the p---y really that good for you to still be going through all of this?" He just dropped his head and chuckled. See, I knew they were still sleeping together. My wife feels that he's going through all this be cause he told her that he won't sleep with her. BS!

Today I plan to sit him and his momma down and tell him he's got till 1/1/23 to be out of our house and that while he's here he needs to start paying rent. I just do not agree with having to keep running back to your parent's house when things go sour with your current situation . . . again. I'm tired of it. My wife and I are now empty nesters. All three of the kids are out of the house but this one tends to keep coming back every few months. We've had to restructure our whole lives again. We have to be quieter in the mornings because he's in the room sleep. At night the wife now wants our bedroom door shut so he can't look in on us. When we shut down the house for the night we have to leave a lamp on in the living room so he can see when he comes in.

And here's the kicker. My 53 year old twin brother had to move back home with our parents, again, because he and his 24 year old son got evicted from their apartment. He claims he's just having a hard time making ends meet. He only pays our parent's $100 a week to live there. His truck is paid for. Our parents are covering every utility in the house. and about the only bills he has are car insurance, gas, and a storage bill with his furniture in it. He works everyday so how is he having trouble making ends meet? I told my siblings that I'll bet he's gotten some young girl pregnant and child support is kicking his a--. He got hooked on paying escorts for sex and his wife found out about it. 2 divorces and he's not grown up either. And I'm not talking about those high class escorts you pay hundreds of dollars for. No, we're talking about your run of the mill Backpage or Craigslist type of girls who you give them $60 or $70 and either go to their hotel at the Red Roof or Motel 6 or you pick them up and they climb in your back seat and you drive around the back of he shopping center of down a dead end road to conduct business for 15 minutes or so. Now we can sit and talk about my brother and how he needs to get his crap together and move out of our parent's house but the minute her son, my step-son is brought into the conversation then "he just needs a little help right now. His is a different situation." I told him a few weeks ago in front of his mom and his brother that this was the last time he will be allowed to move back here. Will that happen, probably not because I have a feeling that in a few weeks he's gonna be back with the girl only for the cycle to start all over again.

How many times do you let your grown children move back home? I just do not believe in this revolving door theory where kids can just come back home and crash for a little while till things are better.