MESSY MARRIAGE, PLEASE I NEED YOUR INPUT

Hello all, my very close friend is having a tough time with her husband, she made a post on a forum, and her husband reacted to the post, however she feels that most of the responses were biased. We therefore decided to re post her original post on this forum including her husband's response. Please we need all your genuine advice. Thanks and please read on.

MY FRIEND'S POST
My husband and I live in different countries for now, because of work, 4 months ago we had some serious argument on the phone and and in the process, I told him that I am overworked with the children, he also repeated back that he is also overworked. This got me angry and I hung up. He tried to call me for three days , and he also sent me some messages, and I did not reply, I stayed like that not talking to him, then after 2 months I sent him just a message on an unrelated issue, he ignored my message, after another month, I sent him another message, he also ignored. It has been 4 months now we have not spoken to each other. Now my younger sister is getting married, and she informed him about the marriage, he spoke and advised her ( this was about a month ago ) although I did not tell him by myself about the marriage. After about one month, my sister also called him to inform him that her fiancee' wants to speak with him, but he refused, he gave my sister the excuse that it was not proper, for him to speak with her fiancee' because he said that I have not told him anything about the marriage, therefor he can not relate further with my sister as per the marriage. And that it was out of respect that he even called my sister initially to advice her. Please what do I do.


HER HUSBAND'S RESPONSE
Well, I am here to set the record straight.
I would not have bothered to respond, but maybe the comments from members of this your group might jolt us back to reality.
For the readers, what happened is this :
You called me that you are going to do some expenditures on that our business plan, and that you have earmarked x amount of money. I said it was a good plan ( I was not critical immediately to avoid you saying that I am always against good things) and we kept talking about the plans.
So after some days, I told you that next time, it will be appropriate that we ought to discuss such plans together and that it was not the best for you to decide all by yourself and only informed me of what you have chosen to do for a decision that affects the both of us. You flared up immediately that I do not have the right to tell you that, and THAT YOU ARE ALONE WITH THE CHILDREN (like you always say) and that you have many things that you are doing at the same time. I then replied you that I also have many things going through my mind. ( I replied you this way because you always say this anytime I want to have a discussion with you). You flared up and insulted me then hung up.
I called you immediately many times. I called you again at night, I sent you several messages, although I did not apologize directly but the messages I sent reflected that I was sorry. In one of the messages, I explained that I was critical, becuase you do know we have other more pressing plans that w needed funds for, and that what your budgeted was a bit too high. But you refused to let go like you have always done for these 8 years. Every week for 6 weeks I sent you messages that you never replied to.
In this period, you also changed apartment without even deeming it fit to tell me. (Yes I know before this misunderstanding, it was already the plan that you will be changing apartment. But the anger still did not allow you tell me as at when you finally moved to the new apartment, till now, it has been more than 3 months that you moved, you still did not inform me although the children told me about it, you know they did, but I expected that at least you should tell me about it by yourself.)
I did not just stop picking your calls because I wanted to stop, I did it for my self respect and sanity. It is the first time I am refusing to pick your call, or even not to talk to you after 8 years of marriage Have I ever held any grudge against you for more than 24hrs, have you ever had to apologise more than once on anything without me accepting your apology immediately, that is even if you apologise at all. ? !. Rather you are the one that reminds me at every giving opportunity that I know you can decide not to talk to me again and stay on you own, and that I am the one that will suffer. Infact, you always do this, while I was at home. You can stay on for weeks and months without talking to me for the slightest misunderstanding, I am always the one that will try and make peace, and each time you either humiliate me by refusing to make peace till whenever you are satisfied. It has been like this for these 8 years. Even if I want to hold a discussion with you at home, it is either you are busy on the phone, and If I try to ask you to focus you just tell me I should summarise and that you listen with your ears, and not your phone or your hands. However, sometimes ( like 20 per cent of cases) you do listen to me.

Even when the children are being difficult, you threaten them by telling them to go ask their father the kind of person you are, and that you do not tolerate nonsense from anyone. Yes, you are right, you do not, that is probably why every single person in your family-aunts, uncles, and cousins, are all not in communication with you apart from your mum, and your sister who walk eggshells when they speak with you. Imagine!
I wonder why you are so proud of these difficult attributes of yours.
Recall that before that very day that you hung up on me,( in fact also since the beginning of the union), you have been insulting me on each time I call, If we are discussing and I ask you a question about what you have said, you always say that I don’t pay attention. You accuse me of not caring about how you managed the children alone by yourself. I understand it is hard to raise 2 kids under the age of 6 all by yourself, however like I have always told you, lets thank God, it could have been worse- not having children is hard, having children is also hard.
I can barely talk to you on phone, each time I call you, you tell me you are busy with the kids, and most times you just ask me to summarise and then you hang up. You even said if I do not call before 8.45pm, I can no longer reach you, few times when I have to call like few minutes to your deadline, no matter how important our discussion is, once it s 8.45 pm, the phone disconnects and that will be it. However, when you have personal issues , we can stay on the phone til 2 am. You can not even bend that rule for me. You barely return my calls, if you see my missed calls, sometimes it may take you days and most times you do not return them at all, if I ask, you are quick to say, you are alone managing the children and that your are already too stressed up to be bothered about missed calls.

Much earlier than this incident that you hung up on me, you asked me never to wish you any kind of good wishes like happy birthdays, Christmas, mother’s day and all those. Because you said I do not care that it is all lip service. I thought it was just frustration, but for the last 1 year, you have consistently refused to respond to my Christmas, New Year and even your birthday wishes.You ignored all my wishes!
5 months before that faithful day that you escalated your disdain for me to a whole new level, you talked to me on the phone with reckless abandon, even on my birthday, you managed to call me around 7 pm and your birthday wish to me was this “ I WISH YOU WHAT YOU WISH YOURSELF”, I told you it was not a fair wish, and the next thing, it led to outburst again and that was that, and you hung up. Remember, you forgot my birthday for the past 3 consecutive years.
Obviously, in the preceeding 5 months, you have been looking for what I will do so that you can cut me off, the opportunity came and you took it like a Viking.
How often can a married woman stay without getting in contact with her husband for this long over a matter as simple as that, and she is not bothered at all.
I needed to let go for once. I am tired of fighting for the advancement of this union. It has been 8 years of this gruesome treatment.
You think everyone is wrong apart from you.
Please if there is any FALSEHOOD in what I have written, I will be glad that you tell your audience. AGATHA OUR MUTUAL FRIEND IS READING THIS AND SHE CAN TESTIFY TO ALL I HAVE SAID. Moreover, this is just one small aspect of all that has happened these past 8 years. I just decided to skip a thousand others.
I only choose to focus on this alone. You know there are a thousand things that are worse than this that have happened.
I am glad that the vast majority of your audience could not be manipulated by your story.

Maybe I would have just stayed back home in Nairobi 7 years ago, may it could not have been this bad. This is my Canada reality!
I would be a liar if I say do not miss you. But I have just come to the realization that no matter what , no man should dine in the table where love, respect and dignity are not served!
Dear Wife, Enjoy the reality you created for yourself and stay blessed...!