Husband cheated on me and family took his side

Forget about your in-laws, you're not married to them. What about your husband? Have you worked through the infidelity? You are still newly weds and he's cheating on you already, what will happen in the future?
If I were you, I'd divorce him , chalk it up as learning experience and move on.
Good luck!

Thank you for the advice. This is something I have been considering since I found out. We're working on our relationship and the infidelity currently. As for me: I'm trying to be cautious as I just want to see where this goes and if he follows through with his promises of change. My husband is a bit of a troubled person so I really think this is the last hope for him honestly and I will always love him and want the best for him even if we end up divorcing. I am trying to be careful with my feelings though - as much as I can at the very least. I realize that this is against my better judgement but I like to give people a chance to fix things if they have the desire and drive to do so.

Just remember, your husband caused the problem and your in-laws added to it. They really should not have been involved and gave their opinion period.
In that sense, you should not feel guilty for your feelings. Tell your husband how you feel about it and at this point you do not want to have anything to do with them. No discussion further on the subject.

As far as working together as a couple, whether it will work or your husband will truly be faithful, we cannot know, we do not know him, it is really how you feel and how you both work it through.

A couples counseling may help both of you and give you steps how to build trust again and also to help you work through your own feelings. And if you say your husband has certain issues, this could help him. Whether you stay together or not, having someone to talk with could help you.

What I'm seeing is you taking out your anger and hurt and frustration and landing it on people who are by design, supposed to have unconditional love for their family. They advised you to press on, forgive, most likely to forget, the betrayal infidelity has caused.

It's normal to feel exactly what you're feeling. It's ok to be mad and hurt and not want anything to do with the family members who tried to persuade you this isn't a big deal.

Forget them. They do not have your best interests at heart.

Here's the kicker - either does the one who caused this heartache to begin with. You seem to forgive your husband much easier than the people that actually didn't cheat on you. You'll have to ask yourself why forgiveness comes at his family's expense and not his.

It is not your concern how he is perceived by his family - he needs to own up to his wrong doing and atone to you, then his family. Your thought pattern should not have any concern how they think, or feel, about his cheating on YOU. Let them vent to him, advise him, console him and make excuses to him.

Don't let outsiders dictate what happens next. It's not their call.

Although I don't have high expectations of a long lasting marriage, at least know no one can tell you how to react to a misdeed placed upon your shoulders. The decision to stay or go is yours and yours alone,

Thank you for your answer. We are looking into going to a couples therapist though we haven't begun that kind of therapy yet. My husband is currently going to independent therapy sessions now though and it seems to be going well with him so I guess we will see.

Thank you for your comment. While I agree with 95% of what you're saying, I will have to disagree with your assessment that I'm more forgiving of my husband than his family though as an outsider of the situation I can definitely see why you would think that. A big part of this with me is that my husband has shown remorse for his actions and the way it made me feel and at least shows a desire to change because of that. His family, to this day, could not care less and has even harassed me and my family (namely my mother who has had to block their numbers) after the fact against my husband's wishes. While I understand that they are his family and will always support him (which is something I have considered) there was absolutely no excuse for the awful way they have treated me. I also would just like to point out that my family and I have done many things for this family which they seem to be entirely ungrateful for. I completely understand always wanting to be on your family's side but if the roles were reversed, my parents would have been beside themselves with anger at me and I don't see that as an excuse. I completely understand why you might think that though.

His parents raised him so you can see a certbehavioral pattern. This all bodes poorly. I’d wash my hands of the whole lot of them and start over. Take your losses and learn from th experience. Sorry but this is something you don’t want to hear. The whole lot of them aren’t trustworthy. Especially due to the poor treatment of you and your mother.

(His parents raised him so you can see a certbehavioral pattern. This all bodes poorly. I’d wash my hands of the whole lot of them and start over. Take your losses and learn from th experience. Sorry but this is something you don’t want to hear. The whole lot of them aren’t trustworthy. Especially due to the poor treatment of you and your mother.)

^^^^^This.

Dating does not make you a couple. Your dating and is not official. Their is no hard feelings. That is why people do not get married. So they feel better about the whole experience.

Dating does not count.
Some girl who is wayward living off me with her legs wide open does not count.
Engagement means your planning to be married and or somebody asked you to get married.
Going-steady ( AKA grade school bs ) does not count and is only spiritual. I mean yes you can have a connection with somebody but a good chance somebody will go for her/him before you do.

Marriage is backed up by the law governed, communities and families.

I'm having some trouble understanding what you mean by this and if I'm misinterpreting it I'm very sorry - please disregard what I am about to say. We were officially married when he cheated on me though honestly it really doesn't matter in my opinion. Cheating is cheating whether you're married or not and honestly your answer strikes me as a bit off topic since I was not asking people opinions on whether cheating is okay or not but i will respond anyway because I feel like my own input might benefit you.

I'm not sure if you're trying to justify cheating by saying this but what you're talking about seems to be an open relationship or hook ups. I have absolutely nothing against people who agree to do that, but if there is no agreement to open your relationship up, there is no excuse for infidelity. If you want to have a successful adult relationship with someone, you don't go around doing sneaky stuff like this that rips families apart in multiple ways. When you share an entire life with someone and your success also depends on their success, you need to find a balance that works for you both between privacy and honesty which means that there's no active secrecy and deception. This requires an advanced level of communication of your needs and an open-mindedness of the other person's needs as well. If your needs are not compatible with the other person's to the point where there can be no happy compromise, it is a recipe for disaster and probably not a good match. You do not know anything about me or why I decided to get married so please don't assume that your view on marriage is the same as my own.

Cheating is hurtful, disrespectful, and does not make for a stable family but asking them beforehand shows that you care about their feelings and comfort level, so I would suggest implementing this in your relationships if you have not already. I know many people who are willing to have an open relationship or just fool around so it is better to establish that dynamic beforehand so that no one gets hurt or has expectations of a life that you are not able to give them. Marriage, in my own opinion, is about teamwork which means working towards a common goal which you cannot do if you're being untrustworthy and that is not a life for everyone.

While I don't agree with your comment I still wish you the best in life and am thankful for your input. Please take care of yourself and make sure to be considerate of the people you love. If marriage is not the cards for you to be happy, that is completely okay but make sure your partner(s) are also happy with the arrangement and if not, find someone who would be. Resentment and deceit will only make everyone's lives (including your own life) harder than it needs to be - My husband and I have learned that the hard way.

I understand what you're saying and I am not offended at all by it - I actually agree with you and would probably tell someone else in my position the same thing. I would still like to give this marriage another try though I have no way of knowing how it will play out. I'm hurt and disgusted by his actions while this is not an excuse, he has acknowledged that family may play a role in his behavior and is trying to work through that with his therapist as well. I still love him very deeply and I want to share a life with him and though I hope that this doesn't end in heartache for me again I am as prepared for that as I can be.