Can someone help me please?

Therapy. Talk to an impartial professional about your feelings of guilt and self worth.

And if you really feel down; like you feel you want to take alcohol with drugs or too much of either, or feel like you can't live with yourself ---call the suicide prevention line --- just 988. Someone is there 24/7. They will help you.

Well ..... boyfriend and girlfriend does not really matters at all. Being married and signing a prenuptial agreement on the subject does. You should not feel nothing. It is not like you and him was saving each other virginity for each other or anything like that, or the guy left a gaping hole, with flabs, where you boyfriends cock would fit. Or your carrying the baby of this other person and gave birth.

I am not going into detail but you should feel nothing at all. You want to be punished, or maybe watch your bf get it on with some girl in front of you to feel even then why not do so.

In escaping my own problems I came across this.
Am no professional, just hurt and I feel your cry for help.
The replies so far are links or definitions you too can find.
It doesn't resonate to the message you put out.
To help you I must understand you, and you need confirmation that I do.
I'd like to give it a try:
Two years passed since and it still feels like yesterday, the edge has dulled but the pain remains.
Yesterday back then, doing anything for a moment of escape from reality.
Today what helps coping also creates guilt.

About what you can do,
Ask yourself 'Could I live without that boyfriend now?'.
Its a rhetorical question, but important to build upon.
From your message I derived that your boyfriend can see the bigger picture and is mature about it.
Meaning when he said 'that is ok..' he knows the history and circumstances,
he has faith in you, he did not give up on you.
For all the guilt, feelings of being unworthy that you carry around,
ask yourself 'Would I work to prove to myself that I can be?'
Now we need to find out what it is you can get behind with confidence.
Maybe a set period of time you devote to 'can be anything' but long enough that you feel redeemed.
Or help finish/complete something your boyfriend is struggling with/doesn't like doing.
Could even be a rule/guideline you actively want to keep up, for example the small stuff:
first to say good morning, a little letter in the lunch,...

I know a time will come that those negative thoughts can't bother you,
you'll read it of your boyfriends face that he was right to stick with you and believe it.
So please hang in there and keep at it, I am rooting for you.

You made my day. Thank you for your kind words.<3