1
   

"You're not going to spend all of my money"!!!!!

 
 
Reply Fri 12 Aug, 2022 06:50 am
Tell me how you feel about this!

My wife and I are not on the same page financially. She thinks things are fine the way they are. She has her account and I have mine and the only time we should compile money is when it comes to a household bill. We have ajoint account which pretty much stays close to zero at all times. The only time there's money in it is when we have to pay a household bill. She puts her half in and I put mine in and the bill gets paid. I've been telling her for years we need to have one account where all money goes into and then we can get on a budget. It's hard to have a household budget when the two people have individual accounts. We live in a rental home and have been for a number of years. All she talks about is getting out of this house and move to somewhere else. Right now we're paying $100 for a 3 bedroom house, but she wants to to move. I told her that the way rental prices are now if we move she can best bet our rent will go up by a considerable amount. 2 bedroom homes are probably running $1500 or more in this market. And remember, earlier this year my wife was surprised to get court papers from the sheriff's dept because of a credit card she got without my knowledge and maxed it out for more than $10k. She's now paying that back herself. She now has to pay more than $400 a month extra for the next few years till that debt is satisfied. But again, she thinks we can just move and go on vacations or cruises simply because she wants to take a week off work every few months. And I'm not talking about 1 good vacation a year, she thinks we should be able to take multiple trips a year because she works a month then just needs some time off.

She makes more than me but she refuses to tell me how much she makes. Her job allows them to work overtime so she has extra money coming in. On my job if my manager sees I'm going to have more than 40 hours a week he'll send me and email to tell me to clock out 15 or 20 minutes early that day so I only get 40 hours on the week. And now with inflation the way it is when I get paid and pay half the bills I'm left with very little to last me till the next pay day 2 weeks later. When I get paid I bring home a little less than $1000 and once you pay half the bills there's not much left to do anything else with. my wife, on the other hand, has extra money left to order things she wants or do things with. I haven't filled up my truck but once this year because I'm trying to hold onto some funds to do things around the house. I told her that since she makes more than me and gets OT paying the bills should be based on a percentage and not just half and half.

The other night we got into a conversation about budgeting and I told her we needed to change things and put everything into one account. This is what she told me. "I'm sorry you don't have enough money to do things but you're not going to spend all of my money." However, anytime something's wrong with her car she expects me to fix it for her for FREE. Ok, since you don't want me to spend all your money then take your car to a shop and pay them to fix it since you got it like that. She is always getting on me because she'll say something in wrong with her car but I won't just drop everything and run outside in the heat to look at it while she sits quietly in the house playing around on Facebook. Oh, and with that she plays these Facebook Bingo games and even hosts them and sometimes she wins, most times she doesn't. So that's money she's paying into play those games that should be going towards a household bill. And when she hosts the game she claims that she gets a cut of the winnings which, according to her, she only gets $2 or $3 for hosting the game.

Yeah, you guys are always telling me how divided we are but when I try to do things to bring us closer together and move us forward I'm always met with resistance. She wants to buy a house but we have zero savings and I refuse to start that process when we don't even have a joint account. Who is going to lend a married couple any money when they aren't even together financially?

How would you deal with your spouse if they told you "you're not going to spend all of my money" when all you're trying to do is position things for the greater good and get the house on a budget? Set up a savings plan, monitor what you / we spend, and position ourselves to be able to take a descent vacation every now and then or buy a house. Again, I'm tempted to tell her that when something is wrong with her car again to take "her money" and drive it to a shop and pay them.
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engineer
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 Aug, 2022 06:55 am
Honestly, I'd be offended if my wife told me that.

I think the discussion from here will be something like "I don't think we can move forward financially towards owning a home with the way our finances are right now" and go from there. I think she has some issues with money and you can't change that, but you don't have to move forward into a riskier financial situation without a clear view of what your financial condition is including a full accounting of debts, assets and income. (Note, you would have to do that for the bank to get a mortgage loan anyway.)
Barry2021
 
  0  
Reply Fri 12 Aug, 2022 08:24 am
@engineer,
engineer wrote:

Honestly, I'd be offended if my wife told me that.

I think the discussion from here will be something like "I don't think we can move forward financially towards owning a home with the way our finances are right now" and go from there. I think she has some issues with money and you can't change that, but you don't have to move forward into a riskier financial situation without a clear view of what your financial condition is including a full accounting of debts, assets and income. (Note, you would have to do that for the bank to get a mortgage loan anyway.)


Funny thing is this. We did start the process earlier this year to position us to purchase a home at some point. This was before she was hit with that credit card debt. When we were discussing it she mentioned that she probably wasn't going to give all her financial information to this other agency too. She's very secretive when it comes to that stuff. I've just never met someone who wanted things but wanted to hold back as much information as possible to keep from someone knowing everything. She was in 2 branches of the military but she's never owned a home. I'm her 2nd husband so I'm not sure what she did with that GI loan. But that could be something we could use to help us purchase a home, however, she's still very secretive about her money.
0 Replies
 
PoliteMight
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 13 Aug, 2022 07:39 am
@engineer,
Well in some nations, ( Like Sweeden ) both parties would present their ability to pay their own
way. AKA everybody has a job, at least without disreguard for immigration.

$100 for a three-bedroom? what state and county?

She got debt, maybe it is time enough to check your marital laws ( without her knowledge ) and
possible remove.

She has the extra money and ? My cousin works as a retailer and makes way more then her preacher
man husband. Guy comes into her office pretending she is cheating, causes her to get fired and
in reality he was cheating all a long? So my question is why not be the better person and enjoy
what you have. A wife that could pay her way.

As a man she magically expects you to look at the car. That is why. You want her near that cancerous
ethel or ethnol ?

Great she burns time on Bingo instead of stock, bonds, money market account, or investing in a
small business startup. Clap clap bingo the elderly persons game.

........

Some girls are dependent and expects a guy to do things for her. In your case she has a higher
income standard and that allows for her "maitnience" of herself. In my opinion I assume you
both have a car that she repairs from time to time.

..........

Children ?

Former spouses ?

Age between him and her ?

Education ?

Goals/Careers/jobs/Employment class type ?

Hobbies ?

................................................................................................

Asides for the car in my opinion she is well adjusted to have that extra time off ( which is hence the
OT ), and thus being able to do so. Just have her fit the bill for the car when you do get it repaired.
Next you going to be talking about what needs to be repaired or adjusted.

I assume you do the paper work in the household as well??
Barry2021
 
  0  
Reply Mon 15 Aug, 2022 06:30 am
@PoliteMight,
PoliteMight wrote:

Well in some nations, ( Like Sweeden ) both parties would present their ability to pay their own
way. AKA everybody has a job, at least without disreguard for immigration.

$100 for a three-bedroom? what state and county?

She got debt, maybe it is time enough to check your marital laws ( without her knowledge ) and
possible remove.

She has the extra money and ? My cousin works as a retailer and makes way more then her preacher
man husband. Guy comes into her office pretending she is cheating, causes her to get fired and
in reality he was cheating all a long? So my question is why not be the better person and enjoy
what you have. A wife that could pay her way.

As a man she magically expects you to look at the car. That is why. You want her near that cancerous
ethel or ethnol ?

Great she burns time on Bingo instead of stock, bonds, money market account, or investing in a
small business startup. Clap clap bingo the elderly persons game.

........

Some girls are dependent and expects a guy to do things for her. In your case she has a higher
income standard and that allows for her "maitnience" of herself. In my opinion I assume you
both have a car that she repairs from time to time.

..........

Children ?

Former spouses ?

Age between him and her ?

Education ?

Goals/Careers/jobs/Employment class type ?

Hobbies ?

................................................................................................

Asides for the car in my opinion she is well adjusted to have that extra time off ( which is hence the
OT ), and thus being able to do so. Just have her fit the bill for the car when you do get it repaired.
Next you going to be talking about what needs to be repaired or adjusted.

I assume you do the paper work in the household as well??


I didn't say $100 for a 3 bedroom house. I said $1100 for a 3 br house. And that's very cheap in today's market. WE live in the US where rental rates for a 2 or 3 br apartment easily could run you $1500.

Here in the US any debt made by either spouse is now considered a marital debt so we both are responsible for paying that off but I refuse to give her one dime towards that $10k credit card bill. She got the card without my knowledge, she ran it up without my knowledge, then she needs to pay for it without any help from me.

I don't have a problem looking at her car and as long as I can fix it within reason I don't mind (didn't mind). Now with the revelation of "you're not going to spend all of my money" then ok, when your tire needs air in it then take your car and your debit card down to the tire shop and pay them to put air in your tire. Don't throw your money in someone's face but still expect them to do stuff for you for free.

But when it comes to her car repairs she thinks that a man should take the responsibility of fixing AND paying for it.
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Mon 15 Aug, 2022 11:22 am
@Barry2021,
You did say $100, you may have meant $1000, but you said $100.

Admit the typo and move on.
Barry2021
 
  0  
Reply Tue 16 Aug, 2022 12:26 pm
@izzythepush,
izzythepush wrote:

You did say $100, you may have meant $1000, but you said $100.

Admit the typo and move on.


You're right. I just re-read my OP and yes, I did say $100. I meant to say $1100.
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Aug, 2022 12:38 pm
@Barry2021,
Having said that I thought it was fairly clear it was a typo from the off, which is why I was taken aback when Polite Might took it seriously.

That's one of the reasons I take his posts with a pinch of salt.

And it's always a good idea to be sure of your facts being replying.

We all do it, I make typos all the bloody time.

Mame
 
  2  
Reply Tue 16 Aug, 2022 12:39 pm
@izzythepush,
I have never encountered a worse advice-giver. He doesn't even read the posts carefully and he wanders all over the map when replying, inserting dated and misogynistic comments everywhere.
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Aug, 2022 12:43 pm
@Mame,
He's like the gobshite down the pub who has an answer for everything, an answer he's just pulled out of his backside.

And you're right, he has an axe to grind, and tries to bend the thread to match his own prejudices. He's not interested in helping.
0 Replies
 
 

 
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