My 11 year old son lived with his Dad & grandpa his Dad died & my son is still with the grandpa to

What do you want to do? Why was he living with his father in the first place? If you have concerns about custody, you can always go to court, but uprooting this child right after his father died might not be the best move. If his grandfather is capable of taking care of him, this might not be a problem.

12 year old is the cut of gap. In terms ofhim being a man he needs a much bearings he could get from his grandpa. I mean just be his support in terms of real life matters, like

A. Being able to be independent

It is a real tragedy that his dad passed so young and now he only has his grandpa to rub off on him in terms of the family tree.

He is not a little boy he is a big man now and as his surviving parent you need to make sure he is able to function in this terrible world as a man and not as a boy.

Think that is bad, my area a father was shot by his 25yo daughter boyfriend.
He came to the house to talk with him ( because clearly he wanted sex after going out with her that night ), and instead of giving him the sex, she called daddy and poof he is dead for nothing. He was only 49 ( that is a joke ).
The worst of it, he did not raise that daughter. He was married with two young little five, four year old boys with a mother way younger then the daughter. Those boys will never know anything about their dad beyond being little babies in his arms. Meanwhile his dim-witted, over the bar daughter is probably going to go out with another r-tard again.

Your son will never be able to ride into the sunset with his dad. Let him have his peace but again remember it is not about what you want but making sure he becomes a better man then his father.

All you could do is work with him, not play pretend. You have to take up the cross, the burden. Not play custody bs battle. Again mold him into a man, because one day everything his grandpa has will be his but he has to have his own as well. It is horrific enough.