Can anyone relate to this? (Graphic content)

I am one of these folks who grew up in an incredibly abusive household, and silly and cliche though I guess it might sound, I remember as a little girl that one of the things that helped me to survive and keep my sanity was my dream of my experience turning into some type of Cinderella story, to where my prince might one day rescue me.

But it never really quite worked out that way. I pretty much ended up in even more abusive situations, mostly with men who physically, verbally, emotionally, and even in some cases sexually abused me. I ended up having children out of wedlock in this way. Even though the sex was not completely consensual on my part, I chose not to abort the children because I knew they were innocent babies whose lives I had no right to destroy and that their fathers' actions were not their faults.

My dating life is weird in that men usually approach me by telling me they find me cute, charming, intriguing, beautiful, charismatic, pretty, gorgeous...but then, once they learn about the abuse and trauma my parents gave me during my childhood, my being molested as a kid by a family friend, and my lack of a relationship with my family because they abused me., they reject me in favor of women who have loving parents/families, happy childhoods, loyal, caring friends and all the things I never had as I guess my situation is too scary for them.

They especially get turned off if I tell them I have kids from men I was never married to. None of these guys seem to take into account that the fathers of my kids virtually raped me and they also basically victim-blame me by insinuating to me that the abuse these men gave me was essentially my fault because I was the one who was stupid for choosing to be with them. Rather than admire me for the strength I must internally have because of all I have survived on my own, these men appear to have a cocky attitude in the end, as if they think they are better than me because their lives were much easier than mine.

The people I see getting married usually grew up in loving, nurturing homes, lived normal, healthy childhoods, always had parents, grandparents, cousins, friends etc. to love/protect them, and so on. I never had these things, and yet I am the one who can't seem to find love.

Don't get me wrong, I would never force or oblige anyone to be with me, and if they would leave me in favor of someone else for whatever reason, I do respect that - I am just confused about why a lot of people especially men seem judgmental, superficial and even almost selfish in this way.

I guess women can be like this sometimes too. For example they might find a man attractive but get turned off after she learns he is kind of "messed up" from growing up being sexually abused or something like that, and then she might leave him and then marry a man who grew up safe and loved because she just doesn't want the drama. An adoptive mother once told me she rejected teen girls who grew up constantly raped. Instead, she adopted much younger children who were never abused because she wanted "a clean slate".

Some married women have judged and ridiculed me for being married without kids while I have kids without being married. Usually these are women who were never raped, molested, starved, tortured, or beaten to within an inch of their lives as I was. Nor do they consider that my children were the products of virtual rapes. Unlike me these ladies were raised by parents who adored and took care of them. The reasons they were never abused by the men they dated is often because unlike me, they had fathers who loved and protected them. These women couldn't walk even one day in my life. I had been traumatized for my entire life while their lives have always been blessed, and I am probably far stronger than they will ever be because of that...but they seem to think they are better than I am because they were luckier than me. And I can't seem to find a genuine guy who sees the courage and fortitude that I have, that women like these don't have.

I also frequently see videos on YouTube that judge, victim-shame and reabuse single mothers. Even though I see videos getting removed for considerably much less serious reasons, YouTube appears not to care about this viciously bullyish/immature content, or about how much they essentially encourage men to abuse women.

I know no one can tell me much without really knowing the people I am describing, but I do wonder why society often appears this shallow, judgmental, unempathetic, self-centered, etc., especially in the dating world.

As I mentioned, I do respect a man's right not to get involved in my life's traumas, but if he is leaving me because he sees the abuse I had gone through as my fault, or if he chooses another woman simply because her life was much easier/far more blessed than mine, then I wonder if I really need a man like that in my life anyway.

I also wonder...would the relationship with the lady he left me for really have all that much depth if he marries her for these types of superficial reasons? Heaven forbid the woman suddenly gets hit with a tragedy that is not even a fraction as bad as the trauma I had gone through in my life, and then he leaves her because he just can't handle her pain, just like he left me because he didn't want to deal with mine. My inner instincts tell me I am better off in a deep relationship, not a shallow one anyway, but this just seems like a diamond in the rough to find.

I also wonder why the world's most evil/childish individuals seem happy and fulfilled while people like myself are always alone. Despite that I was molested as a child I can't seem to find a good boyfriend, and yet I have seen pedophiles getting married. Lol