If you feel this bad and honestly feel you are running out of reasons to be alive call this number
They will help you. I am serious.
Also I suggest you reach out to a local community college. They will help you determine potential college classes to start out with, they may give you an assessment test to see where your talents and interest lay. And bonus they are significantly cheaper than traditional 4 year colleges.
I am helping my daughter through something a little similar and she us moving from a traditional expensive 4 year after her freshman year, taking a step back going to a community college for her second year to re access her self. People all do things differently there is no right or wrong way... Just your way.
Bonus as you take classes you can meet others .... Community colleges are filled with people at all different ages and situations it might just give you that little boost you need to find something that motives you.