How was I wrong in any of this?

@Barry2021,

No. Racism is "the belief that different races possess distinct characteristics, abilities, or qualities, especially so as to distinguish them as inferior or superior to one another."

So when you say:

Barry2021 wrote:

But I wanted everyone know, especially the managers of the facility that not all black people are thugs or hoodlums.

That's a pretty racist trope.

Why do you even quantify your step sons race anyway? Aren't they just your step sons? Do you say "your white daughter" as well?

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@Barry2021,

Quote:

All parent know that we try to raise our kids with good manners, common sense, and respect for others. But once they get out on their own they adopt a completely new set of standards. My parent's raised me one way but when I moved out I did what I thought was best for me. How many parents who have kids locked up in jail or prison can honestly say "that's how I raised them, to be a criminal"? Probably none of them. So to say I was responsible for him or his behavior is not fair. Around the age of 15 or 16 he started hanging with the wrong crowd and found himself in jail for breaking into elderly people's houses and stealing their medication. The more we tried to get him back on track the more he rebelled. When I saw him and the other guy getting into it what was I supposed to do, just sit back and let it happen? No, I tried to break it up. Sure. let them fight because it wasn't my argument. I was trying to salvage the 6 year old's birthday party. I guess what I can't understand is that as a 52 year old black man how many videos I see all the time of people fighting with a crowd of people around and the majority of them have their cell phones out recording it instead of trying to break it up. My step-son is going on 28 years old. Am I still responsible for what he does at this stage in his life? No! But I have no problem going to others and just simply apologizing for what happened.

Huh? What does this even have to do with what I said?

I am very confused.

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

Barry2021 wrote:

All parent know that we try to raise our kids with good manners, common sense, and respect for others. But once they get out on their own they adopt a completely new set of standards.

I certainly don't agree with this. Most of us decide which standards we agree with and continue with them.

And your stepsons didn't wait until they got out on their own to adopt a new set of standards - they were already living that way in your home.

2 Replies

@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

Quote:
All parent know that we try to raise our kids with good manners, common sense, and respect for others. But once they get out on their own they adopt a completely new set of standards. My parent's raised me one way but when I moved out I did what I thought was best for me. How many parents who have kids locked up in jail or prison can honestly say "that's how I raised them, to be a criminal"? Probably none of them. So to say I was responsible for him or his behavior is not fair. Around the age of 15 or 16 he started hanging with the wrong crowd and found himself in jail for breaking into elderly people's houses and stealing their medication. The more we tried to get him back on track the more he rebelled. When I saw him and the other guy getting into it what was I supposed to do, just sit back and let it happen? No, I tried to break it up. Sure. let them fight because it wasn't my argument. I was trying to salvage the 6 year old's birthday party. I guess what I can't understand is that as a 52 year old black man how many videos I see all the time of people fighting with a crowd of people around and the majority of them have their cell phones out recording it instead of trying to break it up. My step-son is going on 28 years old. Am I still responsible for what he does at this stage in his life? No! But I have no problem going to others and just simply apologizing for what happened.

Huh? What does this even have to do with what I said?

I am very confused.

Hey, I'm sorry for the reply to your comment. I read yours but replied to the thoughts of someone else's post. There's nothing wrong with a simple apology whether you did the wrong or not. My step-son wasn't in any position to go do it for himself so I just did it for him. Not only in this case but in others where I felt the need to apologize for the actions of others.

My family can go out to eat as a group and there will be 15 or so of us at the table. My sister tends to be one of those "Karens" who just gotta have everything her way. So much so to where she'll send her food back 2 or 3 times because she may ask for extra mayo and they send it out with too much mayo. So now she wants the meal for free. Or she'll eat the entire thing then say it wasn't good and expects it to be taken off her bill. You can tell the waitress is getting annoyed so after the meal I'll quietly pull her or him to the side and simply apologize.

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@Mame,

Mame wrote:

Barry2021 wrote:

All parent know that we try to raise our kids with good manners, common sense, and respect for others. But once they get out on their own they adopt a completely new set of standards.

I certainly don't agree with this. Most of us decide which standards we agree with and continue with them.

And your stepsons didn't wait until they got out on their own to adopt a new set of standards - they were already living that way in your home.

I didn't say that we don't do anything our parent's taught us I just said that we pick and choose what we want to carry on with and what we want to adopt new guidelines for.

And no, he wasn't fighting and acting up in our home as you say. When he started getting into trouble and started constantly getting arrested it was time for him to go. "You can't follow the house rules then you can't live in the house." He lived with his grandparents for a number of years until he and his granddad started having falling outs. He was just determined that he wasn't going to follow anyone's rules.

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@Mame,

One mistake a lot of parents make is to try impose their moral standards on their children instead of allowing them to develop their own.

The OP's fixation on cannabis is a case in question. Many people don't think that consuming cannabis is at all immoral.

In fact some people from countries where cannabis is commonplace and culturally acceptable feel that stopping them gor possessing, smoking or eating cannabis is racist.

1 Reply

@izzythepush,

izzythepush wrote:

One mistake a lot of parents make is to try impose their moral standards on their children instead of allowing them to develop their own.

The OP's fixation on cannabis is a case in question. Many people don't think that consuming cannabis is at all immoral.

In fact some people from countries where cannabis is commonplace and culturally acceptable feel that stopping them gor possessing, smoking or eating cannabis is racist.

Cannabis? How did we get on this subject? My views on that are perfectly clear. I do not do it. Nor have I done it. Nor will I ever do it. You will not do it in my house. I can't stop anyone from doing it out on their own but you're not going to bring it to my home. Same with my youngest step-son when he had to move back home with us after he and his gf got into it. He loves to be high all the time and he has this constant smell of weed on him at all times. I will not tolerate that smell in my home and I let him know that long before he moved back home. When he came home a few times smelling like weed I quickly reminded him of the house rules. He kept doing it so I made the decision to tell him he could not come back here. He slept in his car in our driveway for several weeks. Cannabis is not legal in our state yet so I can't look at it and say "well it's legal in some places so it should be legal here too."

I'm not a big drinker either. If I buy a six pack of beer, which I rarely do, the majority of them will sit in my fridge for months before I drink another one. I usually only buy a beer now and again it cook with. Brats, or some type of beer battered something. Now with that being said, I don't want an alcoholic or even a drunk person coming to my house either.

Everyone sets rules for their house that suits them. I'm not downing you for your views on weed. If you like it and do it so be it. I would just rather not be in a confined space like a car with you smelling like it. What I'm trying to say is that you can't live in my house and not follow my rules. When my rules don't suit you anymore then it's time for you to find your own place and make your own rules. Which goes back to another point I was trying to convey. When kids feel the need to no longer live under their parent's house or even their rules they adopt their own. Things we taught them or tried to teach them may not fit with how they want to live their lives at the present moment. If you want to go out and sleep with as many women as possible and get most of them pregnant then don't be mad when you get paid and all you get is a check stub because child support is kicking your tail at the end of the week.

My step-son was wrong for his actions and he knows he was. But now he's the one really suffering simply because neither baby momma will allow him to see either of his children. Same thing goes with my wife. The oldest child's mom has let me know that she is fed up with my step-son and his mom for their actions towards her these past 6 years and she is choosing to keep the child from coming to our house. Now with that being said, I honestly do not think that if I were to call her and say I wanted to stop by and see our granddaughter she would have no problem with that whatsoever. My problem is that I can never let my wife know I still can see our granddaughter but she can't. You have to think about your actions and the consequences they may bring. My wife has done on several occasions to call this little girl's other grandmother and tell her how disrespectful her daughter is to her. Why? Because she feels that she's doing her son wrong. You should never call anyone to tell them how their child is. She wouldn't want anyone calling her to tell her how her son is, would she? You can't do things like that but still expect to get to see your granddaughter every other weekend.

Am I wrong for not siding with my wife and step-son? Maybe. But I just think that a woman who is the primary custody and caregiver of a child should be getting support from the father. I've been telling this girl since our granddaughter was born to no be slack on him. Take him downtown for support. Again, I got full custody of my daughter when she was about 2 years old and in our custody agreement I was awarded support from the mom. Right now that woman owes me thousands of dollars in back support. Will I ever see a dime of it, probably not. But just like when we were going through the custody fight my attorney had me set up something where a certain percentage of my income went to support so the judge can see that I was paying. I didn't miss that money at all. But when things were reversed then I was looked at and a low life man for making a woman pay support for her child. My step-son walks around like he's the best dad in the world but hasn't sent one dime into the child support agency since either of his kids were born. I have very low tolerance for guys who claim to be good / great dads but only see their kids once in a while and who believe that support is a pack of pampers, some new Jordans, or a trip to the park every now and then.

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

Your views on cannabis are an example of you trying to impose your values on your step sons.

I thought that was perfectly clear.

I used cannabis as an example because it is a good one.

If something is illegal it doesn't necessarily mean it's immoral, and if something is legal, it's not necessarily moral.

In your country an 18 year old can legally buy assault gear and then drive 300 odd miles to murder a load of people who are a different colour.

Allowing him those weapons is totally immoral.

It's the difference between ethics and jurisprudence.

Maybe if you had a spliff you wouldn't be so wound up all the time.

1 Reply

@izzythepush,

izzythepush wrote:

Your views on cannabis are an example of you trying to impose your values on your step sons.

I thought that was perfectly clear.

I used cannabis as an example because it is a good one.

If something is illegal it doesn't necessarily mean it's immoral, and if something is legal, it's not necessarily moral.

In your country an 18 year old can legally buy assault gear and then drive 300 odd miles to murder a load of people who are a different colour.

Allowing him those weapons is totally immoral.

It's the difference between ethics and jurisprudence.

Maybe if you had a spliff you wouldn't be so wound up all the time.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWcINyWdA_U[/youtube]

Alcohol is legal in the US after the age of 21. But it's illegal to drink so much of it until you are driving drunk or acting up in public.

Weed is legal in some areas of the US but not all. It is still illegal in a lot of places. Because it is now mainstream doesn't mean that everyone should just accept it and allow it.

I'm not trying to impose my views on my step-son but what I am trying to do is say that if you choose to do those things then do not expect us to just keep putting out the welcome mat for you when you come to our place. You're over the age of 21 and can buy alcohol legally anywhere in the city. But do not come to my place drunk.

Yes, gun control is a big issue here too. The guy who drove all those hours just to kill a bunch of innocent black people doing their normal daily routines was completely wrong on so many levels. But the thing is this. You're not going to get the politicians to agree on what to do about it. You can't take away people's guns on one level but you can legally buy them at such a young age. But at the age of 18 where did he get those ideas and beliefs from? Most likely his parents. He's overheard them talking in the next room possibly. Dad may have gotten passed up for a promotion on his job simply because someone else of color was more qualified or was better educated. I don't know and I'm not going to speculate.

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

I'm not talking about the practicalities of gun control, just pointing out how something can be legal and immoral.

In Victorian times we never had any problems with drug dealers because it could all be bought legally.

Now, I'm not saying there weren't any addicts, but there weren't narco empires carving out their own territory in South America and Asia, corrupting governments and killing law enforcement officers.

Prohibition doesn't work, it criminalises ordinary people and makes organised criminals rich and powerful.

1 Reply

@izzythepush,

izzythepush wrote:

I'm not talking about the practicalities of gun control, just pointing out how something can be legal and immoral.

In Victorian times we never had any problems with drug dealers because it could all be bought legally.

Now, I'm not saying there weren't any addicts, but there weren't narco empires carving out their own territory in South America and Asia, corrupting governments and killing law enforcement officers.

Prohibition doesn't work, it criminalises ordinary people and makes organised criminals rich and powerful.

True, but in our state weed is still illegal.

Same thing with prostitution. It's legal in certain areas in Nevada. Heavily regulated and most likely taxed. But still illegal all over the rest of the country. I'm not saying I condone it but if two consenting adults want to get together and make a business transaction to say, "pay me this fee and we can have sex" then who is really getting hurt by it? No, I'm not talking about guys who have a stable of women out on the streets and holding the fear of abuse over their heads if they don't bring in enough money. But with anything it can be abused and taken advantage of. That's one of the reason sites like Craigslist personals were taken down and even Backpage completely shut down. It was abused. And again, we're not talking about streetwalkers walking up to cars at a stoplight or on the strip asking if they want a date. These were women and even men who were just looking for some fun or action. Yeah, maybe there was a cost or fee involved but again, if I hit up a woman who is on those sites and she verifies that she is of legal consenting age and we make an agreement who is that hurting? You may not agree with me on that but I'm just saying.

You can't legalize everything because so many people are doing it.

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

Barry2021 wrote:

You can't legalize everything because so many people are doing it.

If you don't it, becomes ridiculous.

Over here cannabis is still illegal but nine times out of ten the old bill isn't interested.

Too much paperwork for what?

Someone whose only criminality is smoking cannabis.

Who benefits from seeing someone like that fined?

Nobody.

There are sites in the UK on the ordinary web where cannabis can be bought using crypto currency and posted to your home address.

This is not the dark web.

I have never used them, but there was a very good article on the radio by Will Self about howcannabis is so easy to get it's pointless keeping it illegal.

Anc yes I believe prostitution should be legalised with measures to stop exploitation.

I once lived in the red light district of Southampton, and it wasn't very nice.

I would much rather the women could ply their trade legally, away from where people live.

1 Reply

@izzythepush,

izzythepush wrote:

Barry2021 wrote:

You can't legalize everything because so many people are doing it.

If you don't it, becomes ridiculous.

Over here cannabis is still illegal but nine times out of ten the old bill isn't interested.

Too much paperwork for what?

Someone whose only criminality is smoking cannabis.

Who benefits from seeing someone like that fined?

Nobody.

There are sites in the UK on the ordinary web where cannabis can be bought using crypto currency and posted to your home address.

This is not the dark web.

I have never used them, but there was a very good article on the radio by Will Self about howcannabis is so easy to get it's pointless keeping it illegal.

Anc yes I believe prostitution should be legalised with measures to stop exploitation.

I once lived in the red light district of Southampton, and it wasn't very nice.

I would much rather the women could ply their trade legally, away from where people live.

In my state, again, it's not legal but the most they're going to do (police) is write you a ticket for it which is basically a court appearance which ends up being a fine and a misdemeanor charge. Unless you have a ton of weed then you get charged with distribution or trafficking.

I'll admit, back in my younger days I use to look at those Craigslist personals and have met up with a number of women who just wanted to have sex. There was never money exchanged but two people who were horny and didn't want to go through all the bar scenes, dating apps, etc. Even Tinder now is geared towards just hooking up. What two consenting adults do is between them. If she wants to sell. . . .then who is really hurt by it? No different than going to a massage parlor and getting a "happy ending" for a few extra dollars.

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How was I wrong in any of this?

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