Bonsai is cruel

It's so true!

The worst is - they use nauga leather to make dolls that looks just like them. What kind of values does this teach our children?

Japanese never had their feet bound.

Wealthy Chinese had their feet bound.

We were always taught to eat what we shot.

I wouldn't slam doors or break glass for the same reason.

My uncle had a giant bonsai. Had to plant it in the backyard. A storm brewed up one night and blew it down, crushing the roof of the house.

Yep. That was a pretty big bonsai.

When I was a little kid, my friend Billy's father told him that if he didn't behave, his Teddy Bear's Mama was going to find him at night and strangle him for stealing her baby. After a sleepless night, Billy organized a Teddy Bear Hunt and four of us spent the whole day in the woods with toy rifles hunting monsters and giant Teddies...

We should stop stealing Teddy Bear babies.

I think it's time we stopped milking cows. I mean, if they just don't have the money, they don't have it. Leave the poor beasts alone...

And the next time I see someone point out the window and say, "Look! It's a murder of crows!"', I'm gonna call the police and report it. Murder is murder.

You got it wrong. That was a banzai tree. They start as cute little bonsai and as they grow, they get out of control, then get all psychopathic and try to crush houses. And aircraft carriers. My father was in WW2, told me about them things...

My father was too busy picking cotton to go to war. In his spare time he pioneered growing bonsai cotton stalks. Gave up because he couldn't train cockroaches to pick his crops.

My father didn't go to war because he didn't feel like it. He taught me everything I know about cockroachers. He said we could reincarnate in an insect, so I never kill bugs, for fear of crushing myself.

Oh, there are more than enough bugs to go around. Not to worry.

We have to stop squashing cockroaches. Every roach has a mommy who will miss him, and it's such a waste of man-hours to send condolence cards to each Roach Mommy. Plus getting roach goo all over the bottom of your shoes is smelly and messy, and will just attract a mob of other roaches who are out to avenge their squashed brother or sister.

There's something pitiful about seeing the whole crowd of 'em, growling in their little roach voices, singing their little roach songs, carrying their teeny little pitchforks and torches...

Teach our children to stop squashing roaches.

And another thing...

I saw this in my grocery store the other day:

"Extra Virgin Olive Oil"

So -- this olive oil is made by an "extra virgin"? I never knew such a thing existed. Why is she "extra"? And why is the only job she can get is to make olive oil?

I won't sleep well at night until I get to the ... er, bottom of this...

Boneless chickens...

What must life be like for those poor critters? Can you even imagine what it's like? It must take a whole chicken-load of pretty solid chicken-muscle-mass to be able to stand and peck at grain, or roost, or ... whatever else chickens must do with their day.

There must be boneless roosters, too. How miserable can THAT be?

Wake up, America! I say stop the cruelty of breeding boneless chickens.

And their spouses.

I've often wondered why buffaloes have wings. They are much too tiny to be useful. At least bumblebees and their tiny wings can fly.

Stand up.

Oh they would be easy to make bonsai chickens with