Did I cheat

It's the classic cheaters response, he cheated and now he wants to pretend it was your fault. You should dump him.

No, that's not considered cheating. I don't know where you go from here, honestly.

That IS classic.

Yes, what you did is cheating, and wrong. You didn't end your marriage, you sought out somebody else for your own comfort. You allowed your hurt and confusion to enable your thoughts to shift from your marriage into someone else. That IS the classic definition of cheating.

So, I have to ask, why did you do that? If your husband told you he didn't want you, to be married to you or love you, why did you continue the marriage?

His actions are beside the point, what he did is his to atone for. You can accept or deny his reason or behavior but it doesn't excuse you from your poor action.

All because he cheated doesn't mean you cheat as well. Now all the optics have fallen on you and your behavior. So, stand up, make the decision to own what you did and move on. Whether that's with or without your husband is the choice now.

This is his way of creating an excuse so he can cheat again. By accusing you of solely being in the wrong, he can walk thru that open door again.

Stop talking to him. Stop the conversation. Refuse to go there... it’s a setup.

And no, if you were separated and you started up a relationship, then that was allowable, especially since he was living with another woman at the time. Never mind what you did with this other guy, it’s in the past.

I can’t for the life of me understand why you take abuse from this trickster.

,

No, you did not cheat on him, but if I were you I would separate from him.
He's trying to gaslight you, a typical form of abuse a non-loving spouse would engage in. The sooner you lose him the better for you!
Good luck!

Thanks to all who responded..since last January it's been pretty rough..you wouldn't believe some of the things I'm not allowed to do now..I'm still so torn on if I cheated..I know I pry didn't pick the wisest choice but I was so hurt and lost and just mad as heck..hurt more than anything..for 4 months I begged pleaded cried screamed I did anything u could imagine..he picked her every single time..was with her on 3 separate occasions .he would pick a fight with me..once was cuz I went to Walmart and didn't wake him to ask if he wanted to go and this was at 2 in the afternoon..and just to clarify when I texted the person in question this was after 4 long months of me begging crying pleading for him to stop..he had moved into a different bedroom and we weren't talking at all..like I said he told me we were thru he didn't love nor wanna be with me and he just wanted to move on and not argue about it so that's what I did..I really just wanted to show I could talk to other people as well..i had no intention on actually meeting up with anyone that's why it was only thru texting..when I started texting the other person is when he seen the light and didn't want the other woman whom he had been with in person 3 times..in his truck..in a bar drinking..at her house..her father's house..her sister's house..oh and get this .the first night he picked her up was on our 31st wedding anniversary..like I said there's a lot more to the story..but now since all of this I'm not allowed to take a bath take my phone into another room unattended..he has a camera in the house and watches my every move.. Literally..i get up before him he lays in bed and watches the camera to see if I text anyone..he goes thru my phone every single day with a fine tooth comb..He doesn't want me on my phone period during the day when I'm at work..i actually gave him my entire phone of which I had that number for 12 years so he could monitor it and make sure no one was texting or calling me on that phone cuz he swore up and down I was still talking to him..I got a new phone added to the plan and now it makes me pay 60 more a month which I don't have extra money and get this he only pays our rent..I pay for EVERYTHING else and I asked him for 10 the other day and he told me no that I needed to manage "MY" money better and he wasn't giving me any of "HIS" money.. I can't have any apps like Snapchat Instagram TikTok (he has Snapchat on his phone tho cuz he says he has to be able to make sure that I'm not on there..everyday he accuses me of cheating and lying and deleting stuff off my phone..if I make or receive a call he also calls the number to see who I was talking to..i can't remb every single detail but there's a lot more he does..I'm going crazy here..there's a lot more than this but you get the hint..PLEASE HELP ME..am I the wrong one here? Did I cheat as well? There's a lot going on and I think it's really time..33 years is a long time and the only person I've been with..met him when I was 15 and this is killing me but I think I need to face the facts and give in and accept the fact it's over..what do you think? Alot going on oh and we have tried counseling..he doesn't like to go and actually went to 2 diff ones cuz he didn't like the first one so I found another and yeap you guessed it he didn't like him either so I gave up on the counseling part.

Why are you still there? That sounds like a horrible life. Move the heck out. What do you mean "he won't let me"??? Goes through your phone? Monitors it and you? What kind of prison sentence is that?

Put it bluntly..I'm scared shitless..only thing I've ever known but I agree I would be so much happier I think..I do feel like I'm in prison

Great...

Two grown ass adults acting as horrible as they can to one another.



What is that all about?? You SHOWED him how to react and now he's reciprocating.

You're all about wanting to know if you "cheated" but come on, at this point does it even matter? Why do you want someone who doesn't want you and you don't want him?

Yes, end this marriage, before one of you goes too far.

Why on earth would you allow anyone to treat you like this? Get a frying pan and whack the heck out of him......no don't, but in your thoughts you could.

Run and run as fast as you can from this bastard! He needs a reality check and
you need a new life.

Thanks to all that replied..I do appreciate the feedback