MORE BAD NEWS.... I started smoking again :-(
Watching fish is actually a pretty good idea.
Where I work they have a big fish tank in the quiet room/lounge. Just after cav died, I had to go in there a couple of times and just sit and watch the fish swim around - kinda hypnotic - didn't make me feel better, but it calmed me down and kept me from spiralling into more and more sadness.
Yea I still can't smile.... In fact I think I am worse today... I am ready to snap and break down.... I don't want to be at work.... everyone is getting to me and I just want to scream... I am holding my tears back constantly and I am uncomfortable... still can't eat... though I sleep I feel like I haven't slept in days....
I am miserable...
so... why do you have to hold back the tears? Tears are exactly what's needed every now and then. Anyone who says you should never cry is an idiot. Go ahead and cry, maybe it's exactly what you need to do right now!
STOP IT! 
