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Wed 19 Jan, 2022 09:30 am
My 30 yo nephew has a long-standing case of Failure to Launch Syndrome. He has not earned a college degree, does not keep a job, lives at home but does not contribute by helping his 70-something parents clean or do yard work, etc.
I have not said anything about my nephew's behavior to either him or his parents, who are beside themselves with frustration with his behavior. There is a lot more to this issue, but I don't want to prattle on.
My question is: As the sister-in-law, would I be overstepping my bounds to try to get this family to a better place? Helping them would require my being honest with my in-laws about their son and honest with their son about his situation. There are ways to help them, even if it's only acknowledging that my nephew may never "launch" and that his parents would serve him best by making plans for an income stream for him after they have died, including setting up a trust, choosing a trustee, etc.
But I'm worried about being forward--so far forward that they end up rejecting me and my ideas. We have a pretty good relationship, but this is a very touchy subject, as one can imagine! I can imagine this caution applies to many people out there. What are the rules?
What do you think?
@Sparkster,
Yes, you would be overstepping. Do
not insert yourself into this.
Don't intervene unless your inlaws are in physical danger or the nephew is bleeding them dry financially. And by that I mean actively stealing, versus just being an extra mouth to feed.
PS FTL also stands for faster than light and if your nephew can invent FTL travel, he'll never have to work again
I agree with Jespah. His grandparents are older than you are and don't need, and perhaps wouldn't appreciate, advice. It's really not your business. I get that you care for them, but if anyone does any talking, it shouldn't be in-laws.
@jespah,
I also read FTL as "faster than light". He would need a lot of help in that case.
@jespah,
jespah wrote:
PS FTL also stands for faster than light and if your nephew can invent FTL travel, he'll never have to work again
Dang. That's literally what I was going to mention.
@Sparkster,
Thank you for your responses!
@Sparkster,
Maybe just offer up your support in general...like saying something along the lines..I am always here if you need me...if you want to talk, go out to dinner, etc.
You say you are a sister in law ....I am guessing this is your husbands family? If so what does your husband think of the situation?
@Linkat,
Linkat,
My husband, bless his heart, is uninterested. He doesn't want the nephew to end up helpless and mooching off his cousins (our daughters), but otherwise he is not concerned.
@Sparkster,
Sparkster wrote:
My husband, bless his heart, is uninterested.
Lol, a fellow Southerner! More on '
bless his heart".
If he is impaired, then arrangements should be in writing to provide for him when parents or other caregivers are gone.
If he’s a “slacker” or using drugs then the parents should get a referral to a counselor to learn how to deal with this guy.
IMO you are not intrusive in starting the conversation with anyone who is affected by this guy’s behavior.
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