@wwcropper,
I'm sure you've seen this image.
You're acting like the gal in blue.
And she is justified to a certain extent. But
only to an extent.
Good for you for seeing that, unlike the above image, there really isn't a gal in red. Yes, there are women he may be commenting on in some capacity. But he's not catcalling them, not ignoring you to drool over them, yes? At least, I'm not getting that vibe from what you wrote.
Let's unpack a few things:
- Him scrolling on Instagram and "seeing hot chicks pop up" is the reality of Instagram. He's not necessarily doing anything to find those images, and he probably isn't. It's a lot more likely that he's being fed what's popular via the algorithm. Don't be jealous of an algorithm. That way lies madness.
- Showing him images like the woman with the oversized breasts was, what, exactly? Are you looking to pick a fight with him? You know him commenting on other women bothers you. Yet, you were voluntarily asking him to … comment on another woman. Your feelings on that one are all you. And that includes your being affected when he was actually pretty nice and certainly noncommittal about it. Why are you going from zero to 60 on that? Why is that triggering the same behavior and feelings and reaction from you if he'd been slobbering over this image? And again, why the hell are you borrowing trouble this way? Cut that out yesterday. You're only actively harming yourself, picking a fight, and essentially putting your boyfriend between a rock and a hard place. And for no good reason whatsoever.
- You say you think he should be free to speak as he wishes. Yet you're behaving the precise opposite of that. No, he's not free to speak. You're creating a situation where you dangle the carrot of free speech and then bash him with the stick of "Oh noes, I am so insecure." This is monumentally unfair to him.
- And... he wants to change for you. That's nice. But this isn't him sobering up, or standing up to a controlling parent, or graduating college. It's him kowtowing to your wishes that he … do what, exactly? Speak only when he's spoken to, when it comes to women? Take it on the chin 100% of the time because no matter what he says to you, you're going to go to Defcon 5?
- Your bodily insecurity is really out of whack here. And by shoving images of women who have the characteristic you wish you had in front of his face, seeking a reaction? You're feeding into your own securities. Once again, that's all on you.
Do you want larger breasts? Then eat cake every day for a few years, and I guarantee you'll have them. Oh, you don't want the larger waist that goes with that? Do you see where you're being ridiculous? Or hey, if your small breasts bother you that much, why not volunteer in a breast cancer ward? Then you'll have the largest breasts in the room.
Are ya happy now?
You are sabotaging your relationship with the "sweetest guy ever". You are spoiling for a fight. Are you bored? Unfulfilled? You're taking it out on him, and that's terrible.
Am I being harsh? Yes, I am. And I know what it was like to be young; don't think I've forgotten, because I haven't.
I highly recommend counseling. Find out why you're so hellbent on creating problems for yourself and your fellow. Find out why you—maybe—don't think you deserve to be happy and don't think you're good enough.
I am not a doctor. But I don't have to be one to see you've got issues.
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