Husband affair with my friend

In posted this in the hopes that I would receive some feedback. I’m lost and would appreciate some feedback.
Thanks.

You posted at 1.55am and then at 6am on my time line.

Hard to give advice, why did you allow him to drop you off, if you were suspicious you should have stayed in the car.

It's your relationship only you know how trustworthy he is. If he has done anything like this before or if it was the first time.

How long is 30 minutes anyway once you take out the driving time?

There’s just so many things wrong here.... hard to unpack it all.

First, she needs to not be your friend at all anymore. That includes a complete cut off for her and her husband. It her husband asks why the cutoff, feel free to tell him. No negotiation on this.

Second, your husband needs to look at his alcohol use. If he is susceptible to every woman who grabs him when he drinks, then both of you are in trouble. The door is open to escalate actions between your husband and this woman, so keep an eye out.

Third, you husband was very disrespectful of you and the situation. He needs to respect his wedding vows. Counseling might be a good idea since this mistrust of him, plus hurt, humiliation and resentment, will only grow over time for you.


(May I ask your ages? It sounds like a 40’s kind of thing. )

So your husband knew exactly what he was going to do when he insisted on dropping her off on his own, right? Sounds premeditated to me and it sounds like you knew it was coming. Then he lied about it until you called him out. Sounds like you need some marriage counseling at the least to try to rebuild trust.

I agree with the idea of marriage counseling. But let's also add that he doesn't get to have it both ways.

If he's too drunk to resist her charms, then he was too drunk to drive. And if he was sober enough to drive, then he can't blame alcohol for what happened.

"Too much to drink" is a pretty classic excuse for this kind of behavior. If he routinely leans on it to excuse other things, then start putting your foot down about AA or an equivalent

I'm serious. Claiming that he's too drunk can't be some free pass for him.

The chances that he will balk at this are high. But if, in particular, you are getting nowhere with counseling or he refuses to go, this would bring the issue home for him and make it personal.

Hurting you, and then offering up the world's lamest excuse shouldn't get him off scot free.

Actions should have consequences.

Hubby has a zipper problem, drinking problem as well as a judgement problem. I call that a terrible trifecta. No words from him can suffice. Actions speak louder than words. He has a self destructive side that has affected your marriage. Why would he let this happen at all much less with your mutual friend?

Kids.

He denies anything happened. Don’t believe him. He just doesn’t get the fact that by avoiding and not taking responsibility he is destroying any chance of recovery.
Thank you all for taking the time to respond.