Dealing with someone who "knows everything" but does most things wrong!

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Yes, I'm going to say this upfront: THIS IS A RANT ABOUT MY WIFE!

How do you deal with someone who doesn't want anyone to tell them or show them how to do anything because they already know everything. However, they usually do most things wrong?

Here's the latest that is racking my nerves with this woman. No, not to the point of filing divorce papers but just irritants that just rub me the wrong way. A little more than a month ago she was in a fast food drive thru and the guy behind her thought she had pulled up so he gunned it and hit her in the rear. She calls me and I go to meet her at the restaurant and her and the guy were sitting off to the side. I look at the back of her car and notice the paint was scratched off and you could tell there was an impact. I walk to her window and ask if she had gotten the guys insurance info. She looks at me and says, "no, was I suppose to?" My thinking was this many hit you in the rear and you don't think to get his insurance info. I walk to the guy's car and ask him for his insurance info and that's when he asked for hers/ours. I looked him in his face and said, "no, I don't think you understand. You hit her so you don't need her insurance info." He then tells he he'd wait for the cops. I told him no problem and walked away. When the cops go there they did their report and told my wife she could get a copy of the police report in about 5 days. Again, remember, the guy hit my wife in the back. We get home and about an hour later I check my email and I have an email from our insurance company about the reported claim and accident. I asked my wife why she did that and she said, "you always notify your insurance company when you have an accident." I said, no, not when you are rear ended by another driver because their insurance company is 100% responsible for the repairs.

Again, my wife is one of those who feels you don't have to tell her anything because she's as smart if not smarter than you on everything. She's almost 51 years old and has been in wrecks before so I don't say anything else about it. It's her car so she's got it covered. Weeks go by and I don't hear a thing. I did notice that the police report finally came in the mail about a week ago. Ok, again thinking, she's got it covered. Yesterday she sends me an email asking me to look at the quote for repairs. I open it and it's from the guy's insurance company and they say that the damages to her car is less than $500 to fix. They are basically saying it's just surface scratches and can be fixed with just a coat of paint and some clear coat. But then they say it'll take 2 days to fix, however, the did not put in their quote for a rental car while hers is being fixed. I asked her when she took her car to them and she said she didn't. I asked how they managed to get the estimate and she said she sent them a few pics. My next question to her was did you send them 2 or 3 estimates from several body shops she took her car too. Her response was no because she didn't think she needed to do that. My mouth hit the floor. She knows I'm an avid court show watcher and I myself have been involved in a few wrecks in my day and I just thought that it was just common sense. Someone hits your car and they are at fault, you go get estimates and submit those to the other person's insurance company. I looked at her and said, "are you serious, you haven't gotten any estimates?" She said no, was I suppose to?" I then asked her how she was going to get around while her car was being fixed because they are not including a rental car in their repair. She had this deer in headlights look on her face. We got into a little argument over it because now she's thinking I'm saying she was stupid. So a few minutes later I come back to her to apologize and I said, "I'm sorry for assuming you knew what to do." Of course she took that to mean I was condescending her by saying she was stupid. I wasn't. I just thought that most people know that when they get rear ended and the other guy is at fault AND fully insured that you go get a few estimates and present to the person's insurance company along with pics. This woman is half a hundred not some pimple faced teen who just got their license and took dads car down the street to her friend's house. I told her that from here on out I would be handling this wreck. It is very difficult to try and tell someone how to do something to help them out and all they do is argue and fuss with you about it. But then when you don't try to help or give guidance then they screw things up. I told my wife, "what if when they take the bumper off to replace it there's $1000 in damages that have to be fixed? All you sent them were a few pics and they based their estimate on a few surface scratches and scuff marks."

Yeah, I'm ranting, I love my wife but she does dumb things and you can't tell her anything because she knows everything.

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@Barry2021,

Funny you are saying someone who knows everything but does most things wrong - sounds like you -- this is incorrect

Quote:

I walk to the guy's car and ask him for his insurance info and that's when he asked for hers/ours. I looked him in his face and said, "no, I don't think you understand. You hit her so you don't need her insurance info." .

You both exchange each other's insurance - for a couple of reasons - one of which is even if you feel (and I agree he is at fault) you are not at fault, it is not for you to decide. Also if you are not in fault and say the other driver agrees - his insurance company needs to know what your insurance company is so they can settle it. They do not settle it directly with you but work with your insurance company.

Quote:

When the cops go there they did their report and told my wife she could get a copy of the police report in about 5 days. Again, remember, the guy hit my wife in the back. We get home and about an hour later I check my email and I have an email from our insurance company about the reported claim and accident. I asked my wife why she did that and she said, "you always notify your insurance company when you have an accident." I said, no, not when you are rear ended by another driver because their insurance company is 100% responsible for the repairs

Correct - you always report it with your insurance company no matter who is at fault. The insurance companies handle this - your insurance company represents you - then they come back and let you know the results. If you do not agree with the results you can address. Each party deals with their particular insurance company.

So you are WRONG - your wife is right.

Kind of ironic don't you think

I do agree with you on that you need to be persistent with your insurance company on this. Right now - many places are under staffed so you need to be persistent to make sure you get anything in which you are entitled to - you also have the right to disagree with the settlement - but your insurance company should be determining what you get paid as a settlement - not from this other guy or his insurance company.

So you both have issues - with thinking they are good and know what is right and you both feel you know better than the other.

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Yes, here in Canada, no matter who is at fault, you always, always, always get the other person's insurance, license plate, drivers' license, etc. info, especially if the police are not involved.

As for getting quotes - no... the insurance company does that. They usually send an inspector out to look at the car, take pictures, etc., and then they recommend several body/auto shops to take it to. You can choose whichever one you want. They also organize authorize renal car dealers for you to go to. You just give the rental company your claim number.

I love insurance companies because they handle everything... all you have to do is report it.

2 Replies

@Mame,

Exactly - we even had the car rental company call us when this happened this past year. The insurance company reached out to them to approve it - and the local office called us to set up the car rental.

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@Barry2021,

Why you contact your insurance company after an accident

https://wallethub.com/answers/ci/should-i-call-my-insurance-company-after-a-minor-accident-2140700988/

And this is a very good very detailed explanation of what to do immediately following an accident.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/car-insurance/what-to-do-after-accident/

What I particularly like ...

"While it’s appropriate to engage in small talk while waiting for the police, refrain from making admissions or blurting out you’re sorry, even when you feel you’re at fault. Avoid expressing anger toward the other driver. Don’t blame the accident on another driver at the scene or accept blame from another driver or witnesses on the scene.

“It is best to avoid discussion of who is at fault at the scene of an accident,” says Passmore. That’s for the insurance companies to determine."

and

"As you start the document exchange process, “Exchange insurance and contact information only,” says Passmore. That prevents you from saying anything that could get used against you later. Holeman provides this list of what you should collect for insurance claims:

Name and contact information
Insurance company and policy number
Driver’s license and license plate number
Type, color and model of vehicle
Location of accident"

And

"Finding Fault
After you make a claim, providing all the information the insurer requires, insurance adjusters determine fault and what you’ll receive for repairs or to replace your car if it’s totaled."

1 Reply

@Mame,

Here in the states, the other person's insurance company doesn't give you quotes on how much the repairs are and a list of shops to get it fixed. You decide where you want to get your car fixed. They can't tell you that because those shops my lowball and fix the car cheaply. You get your own estimates from 2 or 3 shops and present them to the other guy's insurance and they decide which one is descent. And YOU take YOUR car to the chop YOU want to fix YOUR car. The thing is that it took me probably 20 minutes to get to the scene and my wife hadn't even gotten the guys insurance info. Oh, she called the police but common sense would be to get the guy's insurance info while you wait. And no, you hit her so you do not need her insurance info at all. It doesn't matter if she has insurance or not. She didn't back into you, you thought she oved and you gunned it in the drive thru line and hit her. Yeah, they can send an inspector out to assess your damages but they didn't do that. My wife sent them a few pics and they based their repair quote on a few pics. And also even though they said it'll take 2 days to fix they didn't include a rental. So they're trying to weasel out of their responsibilities. The insurance companies don't discuss anything between them unless the driver who hit her is disputing what happened and my wife has no choice but to file on our policy. I told her she never should have reported it to our policy because now they have record of a wreck and that could affect our rates down the road, whether she was at fault or not.

If your car is parked and someone hits your car and they are insured the other person's policy is 100% responsible for fixing your car, period. The only time you would get your insurance company involved is if the other person disputes what happens and their insurance company is denying the claim.

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@Linkat,

Based on the link you sent this is what it says.

"The only time it might be worth skipping a call to your car insurance company is if you damaged only your own car, there are no injuries, and property damage is minimal."

You damaged your own car leads to believe that you hit someone else.

And #2 on that link says that "the other driver might file a claim." Again, leading to believe that you are at fault. No where on that site does it mention anything about someone hitting you and they are at fault so the link is not as clear cut as you want me to believe.

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@Barry2021,

Barry - I am in the states and YOUR insurance company gives you the quotes on how much the repairs should cost - they send an adjuster to determine this. And yes they will give you a list of shops - you do not need to use them - but it makes it easier in the sense the shop will work directly with your insurance company rather than send you a check for the repairs. You can dispute if you do not agree with the estimate.

I provided a detailed link with what you are supposed to do if in an accident and you are incorrect. Your wife is incorrect as well but it is ironic that you claim she is unwilling to acknowledge it but you will not either. Probably why you two are married to one another because other reasonable people would not put up with this crap.

I highly doubt that your insurance company went by the pictures (even theirs) as they want an adjuster to determine the claim correctly - unless either of you are using suspect insurance companies. Again this is why your insurance company is involved to speak for you.

As far as the rental - this is only included if either of you have rental insurance. The driver at fault may not have rental insurance then it is not covered - does your wife have car rental insurance? If so, then she is covered (now granted this may vary depending on your state) but in most situations you need to have car rental insurance coverage in order for this to be covered.

The insurance companies certainly do discuss this with each other - I have experienced this - also again read the link I provided.

Quote:

If your car is parked and someone hits your car and they are insured the other person's policy is 100% responsible for fixing your car, period. The only time you would get your insurance company involved is if the other person disputes what happens and their insurance company is denying the claim.

Again this is incorrect! Read the link provided. You also do not determine who is at fault - what if in this case someone was parked in the middle of the highway - who would be at fault? You can dispute anything you want - but the insurance companies fight it out - YOUR insurance company reaches out to you and provides you the details --- if you do not agree you dispute it with your insurance company.

I don't think Forbes is lying. Read the link.

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@Barry2021,

Sorry dude, but she's right. You always exchange insurance info no matter whose fault the accident is. You always report it to the insurance company also. She did everything correctly, you are the one who is wrong. Also, you are definitely "old school" as the getting 3 quote era is over. It's all handled differently now. The insurance company will send an agent out to check the damage and usually cut a check that day to the Auto Repair Shop of your choice.

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@Barry2021,

Barry2021 wrote:

Based on the link you sent this is what it says.

"The only time it might be worth skipping a call to your car insurance company is if you damaged only your own car, there are no injuries, and property damage is minimal."

You damaged your own car leads to believe that you hit someone else.

And #2 on that link says that "the other driver might file a claim." Again, leading to believe that you are at fault. No where on that site does it mention anything about someone hitting you and they are at fault so the link is not as clear cut as you want me to believe.

Again you are incorrect. Perfect explain of skipping a call to your insurance company. My daughter was driving she slid in the snow the car hit an island in the road and damaged the car. She pulled over - I went and got her - the damage was to the tire and rim and minor scratches. So we did not call the insurance company. No one was hit - no car was hit - no damage to the island. You could also hit a tree, you could drive into your garage, so many little things.

The driver filing a claim does not mean anything regarding fault - I once slid in the snow spun around and hit a tree. I filed a claim because the damage was extensive. I was not at fault because if you are in an accident due to weather it is not considered you are at fault.

Also an at fault driver is required to file a claim legally. "In Massachusetts, the law states you have 5 days to report an accident if there was an injury caused, death or over $1,000 worth of damage. You are required to file a Motor Vehicle Crash Operator Report within five days even if law enforcement was at the scene of the crash."

Yeah if someone is at fault (which would not be determined until after it is investigated by both insurance companies) - they would want to file an insurance claim to protect them from any financial costs. If they do not file they, personally, may have to pay for all damages out of pocket.

"What if You Have an At-Fault Accident?
Contact your insurance company right away if you have an accident with another vehicle that involves significant property damage or any injuries. If an investigation finds that you were at fault, your liability coverage will pay for medical bills and property damage for the other parties involved. This policy also covers your legal costs if anyone sues you for expenses resulting from the accident.

In this case, if you do not report the collision shortly after it happens, you may lose the chance to file a claim with your liability policy. If that occurs, you would be responsible for the full cost of the accident if the other driver sues."

"What if Another Driver Causes an Accident?
File a claim with your insurance company even if the other driver tries to negotiate a financial settlement with you. Unfortunately, without going through the insurance company or the legal system, you have no recourse if they fail to pay up as agreed. In some cases, unscrupulous drivers even provide fake contact information after causing a collision.

Even if it looks like your vehicle only sustained minor damage, you cannot tell if the car has more extensive issues after a crash unless you have an evaluation by an expert mechanic. In this case, you should at least get an estimate by a mechanic before deciding whether or not to file an insurance claim."

So you kind of funny that you "Know everything"? Again kind of ironic.

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In BC, there is only one insurer and that is the government insurance company (ICBC), so each person gets an agent and they fight it out. Funny.

My daughter hit a van just after she got her license (quite a long time ago). The not-at-fault driver has 2 years to file a claim. This guy was driving his uncle's van and they offered to not file a claim if she gave them $2,000. She came home all agitated, of course, and told me the story. She was definitely at fault, but I would not let her pay them because, even if they signed a document (which they refused to do), it wouldn't stand up in court. I told her to tell them to go through ICBC and let the chips fall where they may. Well, she filed a report and they never did. So, we just had increased premiums for a bit for an at-fault accident. Lots cheaper than the $2K and legit.

1 Reply

@Mame,

Probably something fishy going on - on his side - not the correct license, or some other issue he was trying to hide.

I once got in a three car accident - a lady hit me from behind which lead to me being pushed and hit a car in front of me. My daughter was younger and was in the car with me. The guy in the very front did not want anything to do with exchanging papers saying that's fine - etc. He would be the one with zero responsibility. The woman behind at first was going to be ok with it and then said no, she was worried with me having a child (even with very minimal damage) that we should all exchange papers - she would ultimately be responsible. She was a nurse and wanted to make sure we were all ok.

The guy seemed to want to just get out of there - not sure what ultimately happened with him - he had papers but who knows if they were legit - he seemed very hesitate to exchange anything.

People can get into legal trouble if they don't have insurance as it is legally required (can't even register a car without it) so could be anything - no or expired insurance, no or expired registration or license. Not my problem.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

You're probably onto something about his hesitancy - I never thought of that, but it seems obvious now.

I have always been completely insured (collision is optional here) even though I sometimes drove a car past its best before date - meaning I'd not get much $ if it was totalled - but I would rather be safe than sorry having collision.

1 Reply

@Mame,

We have what is "limited" collision which is precisely good for a car not worth much - so you will get the amount it is worth if totalled but not is less than regular collision. Saves a bit on your insurance.

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@Linkat,

The way cars are made these days, they crinkle up like tinfoil when they're hit. I'd love to get rubber bumpers front and back but I don't know anywhere that does that. Just in case I bump into someone in front of me in the snow or ice.

1 Reply

@Mame,

Mame wrote:

The way cars are made these days, they crinkle up like tinfoil when they're hit. I'd love to get rubber bumpers front and back but I don't know anywhere that does that. Just in case I bump into someone in front of me in the snow or ice.

I always thought we should build cars like those that are in the amusement park - bumper cars - now granted we drive a bit faster.

The cars are made differently - in part on purpose to crinkle like you describe. They do so to protect the passengers inside. The car is designed to take the impact -- this may contribute to cars being totalled more often than they used to.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

I used to drive a '63 Strato Chief which weighed 1180 lbs. Believe me, that car would not crinkle up and we would all be safe. I loved that car and drove it until 1993 when it started falling apart. I never felt safer, except it only had lap belts, lol, and no air bags, of course. I wonder if I would have had to get it modified. And God only knew what the emissions were. But it was heavy and safe. And I could park that baby on a dime.

1 Reply

@Mame,

Mame wrote:

I used to drive a '63 Strato Chief which weighed 1180 lbs. Believe me, that car would not crinkle up and we would all be safe. I loved that car and drove it until 1993 when it started falling apart. I never felt safer, except it only had lap belts, lol, and no air bags, of course. I wonder if I would have had to get it modified. And God only knew what the emissions were. But it was heavy and safe. And I could park that baby on a dime.

Those old cars were made like tanks so the safety design was less important. Now with being more conscience of fuel efficiency cars are getting lighter.... so I am glad for the crinkle factor and design knowledge.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

Well I drive a very small car, a 2012 Mazda2... it could afford to be heavier, and since I drive about 3,000 km a year, fuel efficiency is not an issue for me. I wish mine it a tank. Next car, that's what I'm going to look for. Smile

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@Barry2021,

Barry
Obviously at the very beginning of this situation, your wife showed she was unaccustomed to dealing with car accidents. A loving, understanding husband would have told her that he would handle all the details.

Instead, you jumped on everything she did or did not do. In my book, that’s being passive- aggressive.

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