My crazy, stupid, wild romance with my lover and our sex life.

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Let me tell you about my wild stupid crazy life.
I’m half Syrian, half Iraqi, born in Damascus and my family moved to England when I was two years old.

When I was 18 I fell in another with this Jamaican man who is ten years my senior. I ran away from home and betrayed my family just to be with him. However after three months I missed my family and went back to them.
My family apprehended me, preventing me from leaving the house. I missed my man so much I didn’t think I was gonna see him again. So with the help of a friend I escaped. Went back to my love and had his child.

My daughter was born a year later and we got a place. Couple of years after that I found abortion papers and he confessed that he got another girl pregnant when I didn’t see him, he said he didn’t believe he would see me again.
I was devastated. I couldn’t believe I had sacrificed everything for this man and he played me. He trapped me. Furthermore the girl who aborted the child, I know her and I hate her. I forgave him but deep down something changed within me.

Furthermore my family, especially my father expected me to marry him because I had his child. Therefore I am obligated to remain committed to him as a remainder that I left my family for him. I didn’t see my family for five years after I had my daughter and to this day my father still hasn’t met him.

Several years later we split finally but we agreed to live together to raise the child who is now 11 years old. My ex is very possessive and he’s smart. He finds ways of controlling me by using my child. Therefore I have no real control over my social life. I have to ask permission from him to go out and he knows all my friends. He told me if I ever got with anyone else he’d take the child away from me because he has leverage on me.

I met someone a few months later and I fell in love with this new man. I’ve never met anyone like him before. We are so alike it’s surreal.
He’s so intelligent, weird, funny just a breath of fresh air, which was something I needed. The sexual attraction between us was too much to ignore and after only meeting him twice, we had sex.

This romance has lasted three years now and he’s the best I’ve ever had!! However it’s not been that easy. As complicated as my life is, we often have to play hide and seek because of my obligations and responsibilities.
Unfortunately my babyfather found out about him and went mad. Threatening to take my child away and everything.

Luckily we were able to recuperate and find new ways of being together.
It’s not been easy, in fact it’s been too distressful. However I can’t seem to move on. I drink a lot and every time I’m drunk or I fight with my babyfather, (which happens a lot) I just leave my home and ran away to my lover for a day.
When i return home by babyfather always interrogates me about my whereabouts by I remain silent.

My lover satisfies me in ways I never thought possible. He’s a god in the bedroom. He’s the only one who can make me orgasm and orgasm multiple times in one go! He’s the only one who makes me tingle down there. He’s the only man I’ve ever craved. He has all attributes. I can’t live without him. Despite our difficulties, I’ve never been happier with anyone else.

The sex has always been wild, hot, passionate, mind blowing! We’ve done it everywhere too. In my car, at his place, on the grass, in a cabin in the woods and various hotels. We get carried away a lot but I love the thrill I seek it.
The danger, the risk of getting caught etc just adds to the excitement of him penetrating me when we do it. He’s a sex addict and it shows!
I kind of feel like we are pornstars. I mean before I met him I was quite sexually reserved but since I’ve been with him, he’s turned me into this promiscuous freak for him.

I don’t really enjoy giving oral but I’m happy to satisfy him in that way. However he treats me like some pornstar, spunking all over my face and in my mouth every time. He gets such a kick out of it. I sometimes think he just wants to sleep with me just so he can get head, exactly the way he likes it.

Again I’m not complaining, the things he does to me just make me melt. I think about him all the time, I never stop. I have to think of him to fall asleep and he’s the first thing I think about when I wake. Every time I shower I imagine he’s with me. I can’t stop thinking about him and I love him so much. However I need to be realistic and this cannot go on forever.

We’ve done enough damage to both our lives now but I just can’t seem to move on! I need him! I haven’t seen him in weeks and recently we’ve been arguing and fighting a lot. This is usually how relationships end up: in despair.

Every time we’ve gone to a hotel he’s always paid and one time I offered to pay for it, in fact I did, but that night he blocked me and I couldn’t get through to him so I went in the room by myself and drunk myself to sleep.
He blames me for not making the extra effort to reach out to him that night and I’ve told him I cannot book another room cos I ain’t got no money and it’s always difficult to see him when he wants to see me.

He’s got so upset over this he’s refusing to ever book a room or bring me to his place. He’s being petty. Maybe I’m being selfish but I just don’t wanna pay for a room again. I’m used to him always providing. I miss him so much and I can’t wait to see him again but i fear if he doesn’t make the effort, then neither will I. What to do?!! Shall I wait for him to contact me or should I reach out to him one last time and just book a room when I get the chance?

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[+3] - jespah - 09/29/2021There's nothing crazy or wild about this. You're a drunk who cheats on the father of your child. You don't break up with him because of I have no idea why. Although I suspect, when the chips are...

There's nothing crazy or wild about this.

You're a drunk who cheats on the father of your child. You don't break up with him because of I have no idea why. Although I suspect, when the chips are down, your lover wouldn't take up with you full-time. Deep down, you know that.

Your child is an afterthought in all of this. So is the rest of your life, from fitness to friends to work, family, and any hobbies or passions or dreams of the future.

You are right about one thing: the stupid part.

I normally have a lot of sympathy for the people who want advice. Congratulations, you've drained me of that.

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@jespah,

Thank you for your kind response, if I can call it that. If you have bothered to read my post I specifically stated that my and my babyfather split up.

I never cheated on him, ever. I met my lover 6 months later. I also explained that my babyfather is possessive and dictates my freedom on who I can be with.
My child is everything to me, I am a very responsible mother. I always look after my daughter every single day. I do everything. I cook, I clean, I even care for my babyfather’s mother. I do literally everything and yet I do not get any respect or appreciation for my efforts.

All he does is controls me, tells me what to do.
Expects me to not have a life outside of my responsibilities but I am human no? Do I not deserve the courtesy to do what I want to do in my spare time?
Do I not deserve to be happy? He never takes the child to school, he only helps when I’m working or caring for his mother. If I want to go out for a few hours he won’t let me leave the house, he will deliberately use my daughter as a weapon to suppress me. I can only see my lover when my child is with my family or friends which is only occurs every so often.

I know I do not deserve any sympathy for my actions nor can I blame anyone else for my dilemma but do not accuse me of something I have never done.
My daughter, my family always comes first, I have never endangered my child nor have I ever jeopardised my priorities towards her in favour of this relationship.

I am simply expressing my story, my predicament in that I want to spend time with whoever I want in my free and not feel dictated or get judged just for doing it. I would never let this relationship affect those closest to me. Please get your facts straight before you provide constructive feedback. Maybe not everyone is as sensible as you, maybe some of us react before we think and end up making decisions that have long term ramifications. Some of us have to learn from our mistakes so that we can help others.

Anyway you response is appreciated. Good day.

2 Replies

@Edith5,

My hope is for you to realize you, yourself, is worth an effort. All this is because you can't/won't believe you can be and do something different. Start out by analyzing why sex is as "freeing" as you make it out to be. It's not, actually. It's put you in another, more constricting box then ever before. You're lonely, drink alcohol much more than you can handle and blame others for your lack of options.

Yes, you really do deserve to be happy. I just question if this what you consider happiness, sneaking around, drinking, lying, cheating. Really, this is "happiness"? You say you want respect but I'm not looking at your actions as respectful in any way.

What is your education level and employment status? I ask because that IS the way out of your dilemma. Stand on your own, work to pay for your own place and then no one else can dictate who you want to be and what you want to do. To me, that IS Happiness.

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@Edith5,

My apologies for getting some of the facts wrong.

If you're broken up (and before that, too), then your baby daddy doesn't have any say in what you do, so long as your child is properly care for. If she is, then ignore him.

If you're meeting your other obligations, and not endangering anyone, then do whatever you want to do. You're an adult. That's one of the perks of being an adult—the freedom to make your own decisions. Even if they're bad ones.

Will your love come back? Who knows?

But I repeat: when the chips are down, I bet he won't be there. He's not there for you now, and the argument is about something astonishingly trivial.

Think about that before you contact him and try to restart whatever you want to call your relationship.

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I am with Neptune on this in part.

First what do you do for work? Where are you living? It sounds like you are in England? I think that is a big factor where you reside. First off you should get your life straight so you can support yourself and your daughter....that is freeing. That will make you independent and confident not to mention a wonderful role model for your daughter. Get a solid job - potentially further education if that helps you get a career.

Then you will be independent. Then you will be in a position to meet a man (whether it is this current lover or not) and have a true fulfilling relationship that is not just based on sex. Also, you should work with a lawyer (again this depends on where you reside) to work out legal custody and support around your daughter. That will also make you no longer dependent with your daughter's father. You will be equal --- and should share in the parenting and care of your daughter - you should not be relying on him to support you in any way. That will all be more freeing than sex and alcohol.

You are right in one sense - yes you deserve to be a bit selfish and have some personal freedom and care. But you are not really getting true freedom in your current actions. You need to grow up and be an adult (yes you can still have fun) but you are responsible for another human being that relies on you completely. You should focus on improving yourself and your overall life situation and that means being financially and emotionally independent.

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I worked with the demon sitri to achieve my results and I got exactly what I wanted just not in the way I expected. I was seeing this woman it was a complicated relationship from the get go, long story short it lasted three years but not without severe repercussions.

We hit it off immediately and upon our second interaction we slept with each other. We are perfectly compatible, everything clicked. Unfortunately due to certain reasons she was very reluctant to engage in a sexual relationship therefore I decided to seek external help in order to change this.

Before the spells were cast, we did have sex a couple more times during which I was able to obtain a lock of her hair. As I performed the ritual, I combined all the ingredients needed. I used a red candle, a photo of her and on the back I drew a sigil of sitri and also wrote my desire within the sigil. I meditated on my desire, with the candle now being dressed with her hair. I used my semen mixing it with the hair on the candle (with sigil underneath) as instructed. I lit the candle and allowed it to burn completely normally taking a couple of days.

The candle that has now stuck to the photo burned all the way down to its base. Afterwards I destroyed it by burning it, again as instructed. I also performed this at 3am during witch hour. The time when the frequencies and vibrations of the subconscious realm are highly active. Three weeks later I attained results. It was spontaneous, convenient, just as I expected.

I got exactly what I wanted. As time passed our relationship developed into something far more intense and emotional. However she was still reluctant at times to have sex therefore I repeated the practice up to three times. I did not work directly with the demon known as Sitri, there was no summoning or invocations. I simply meditated, drew a sigil using the symbolism of sitri along with offering spiritual currency (hair, semen) to attain substantial results.

If you know what you are doing then you know that magick spells are as real and as tangible as you make them. Visualisation is key. You have to see what you want in your mind, imagine it, meditate on it. Focus on it. Everything else is just part of the process. Sitri, candle, other ingredients are just tools to help you build. However you have to put in the mental work. Another tip is to destroy the spell or ritual, any materials used, burn or bury it. You have to release the energy. Never keep anything. Destroy it and allow the work to manifest subconsciously.

Results can vary from person to person. It depends on your level of skill and commitment to the cause. I saw results in as little as a 7 days, 10 days and 21 days. Again once the ritual is complete, go about your business and see how the results unfold.

Any side effects or negative karma maybe the effect of how the result manifests. You often find when working with negative energy (demons) it may bring you risky, dangerous, erratic circumstances therefore it is at your discretion should you ever choose to do a spell or work with these types of energies.

You have to know what to expect. Oh and one last thing. Alcohol is a significant catalyst from which one can utilise the power of magick to their advantage. Alcohol causes one to become possessed, violent, emotional, remorseful, conscientious, aggressive, lustful or promiscuous.

This is where “spirits” enter our dimension and can inhibit people’s minds or psyche through the consumption of alcohol. How many times have you heard someone say - “Oh I didn’t mean to have a one night stand I was drunk, I didn’t know what I was doing, I don’t remember.”

Yes exactly! There’s a reason why we call certain thpes of alcohol - spirits!!! My ex had a pre-existing drinking problem, however after the spells, sex became so much more easier when she was under the influence.

When I think about how hard it was to sleep with her when we first started, compared to the times where I saw results, the difference is surreal. The first time we ever had sex, it took six hours to get her to feel comfortable enough to do it!!! That’s six hours or kissing and making out before she wanted to do it. A year later, as soon as she’d park her car at my place and I’d lead her into my home her clothes came off immediately!! Just like magick!

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@Edith5,

I could be talking to my own reflection and making up stories is fun. Maybe I should be a writer. To create a story is to create an illusion and it’s the only way to get people’s attention. Our minds are wired to embrace the imagination, the unknown. Logic goes out the window. I love knowing deceiving people into thinking something is real. I get a kick out of it. If anyone is a great actor it’s me. Loki the god of mischief and you humans who read these posts are too gullible and have nothing better to do then to read outlandish fabrications about one’s sex life. Ignorance is bliss as they say. Now what other stories y’all wanna read? Fifty shades of grey?? Lol. This forum is bullshit mediocre fun.

My crazy, stupid, wild romance with my lover and our sex life.

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