The Dream

So this is the thing. I am 18. years old, living peaceful life, waiting for college to start soon, but don't have peaceful emotional life, if i can call it like that heh. When i was 16. years old, I was in high school, spending my time playing sports, and going out with friends, and in that period of my life, i have managed to met one girl, one girl that i surely will not forget till the death and i don't know why is it like that though. We did not knew each other, but we were playing same sport, and after some time i managed to see eachother, but she was not fully sure and comfy about that because we did not knew each other, and i trully understand that. After some time, when we were going out and having fun time, we were alone, finally . Now i have to describe my emotions in that times because i think non of this will have sense when i am just typing like that: "oh well yea i was in love, blah blah blah". I was not in state to play sports, to play music, to think on the end, LITERALLY. 1 whole year passed by, and time comes by when i confessed to her, but she said to me that she was not ready for that kind of a relationship and that she don't know how it works in relationship because she didn't had boyfriend before, neither did a had a girlfriend. And that's where it all crushed me. I was every day in a state that i like to call, "mind in a black hole", for that i mean mind that nothing's there, i don't know what to say, to think, to do, literally nothing. We were hanging out same like before, it was fun, and i could see it and in me and in her, but after couple more goings out, i said to her that i don't know where this goes, and that i am crushed and blah blah, but she said that she would love to stay friends because that time that we were there, it was hell of a fun. And that is where it can't let me. I now have girlfriend and it was our 1 year anniversarry and honestly, i did not think about her quite a while. But couple days ago, i dreamt about her. I dreamt that we were holding our hands, looking at her, smiling like never before and that i was soo happy that i am spending my life with her. And when i woke up, i was crying, that never happened to me honestly. And no this is not poetry or idk some book aahahahja, i am truly honest about this, and i want to be, because, it's not letting me, it's always there, she is always there. That dream now is crushing me again like before. I don't know what to do.