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Fri 17 Sep, 2021 04:16 am
We are a married couple 17 years, in our second marriage and live happily.
My son from the first marriage avoided meeting my wife for 16 years and he believed that my present wife was the reason I divorced my first wife (his mom), although she wasn't, because our marriage was not happy, but we hided it, and nobody believed that we were unhappy.
May be my present wife was the trigger , but certainly was not the reason for divorce.
Although my son avoided to meet my wife, she always came with me to many of his life events, like graduation, my daughter wedding, or other family events where he was present, and always in our journeys she bought for him a present, when we bought for the other children.
During the years, I met alone with my son out of our home, because he refused to came to our home when my wife was present,
In our meetings, I tried to persuade my son to meet my wife, as my elderly daughter, and my brother did, but it was useless.
I even told him that I will not come to his marriage without my wife, but it was useless.
After many attempts, my wife said that she won't come to his marriage, because at the end, she feels offended by his behavior, but then it was not relevant, and I hoped the time will resolve this problem.
A couple of months ago, my son came to my home together with his future wife and announced that they will marry.
The meeting was good and both parties talked and I hoped that everything came to an happy end.
When my wife and myself talked about the future marriage, she told me that she doesn't intend to come to his wedding, because she feels that my son came because he knew that I will not come to his wedding without my wife.
I said that in this case we will have to divorce, regardless that we have a happy marriage and love each other, and this is because I cannot bear the shame of what our friends and our relatives will think when they will see me coming alone.
I am very much respected among our friends and family and I am a very proud person, and we don't live alone, and therefore the shame of coming alone will cause me a lot of pain.
What is your opinion and how would you react?
@Joe A,
Joe...c'mon.
You say you have a good marriage...but want a divorce because of THIS???
Do your best to convince your wife to attend the wedding. Really give it a good attempt. You should be able to convince her to attend. But if she sticks to her guns...allow that to happen. She has a right to her pride just as much as you have a right to yours.
This probably should have been resolved a long time back, but this is what is right now.
Go by yourself if necessary...and make up an excuse if you see a need.
If you are using the threat of divorce as a means of forcing your wife to attend, you will regret it later. Don't do it.
@Joe A,
Oh, FFS, it's no shame to go alone unless YOU decide you're going to feel that way.
For over a decade and a half, your wife has bit the bullet and gone to family gatherings where she knew at least one person didn't want her there.
She's done her time and then some.
She doesn't have to go, and you forcing her is nasty and insensitive. Threatening divorce over this in an otherwise happy marriage is just plain idiotic.
Go by yourself, and maybe you'll feel just a tiny bit of what she's felt for years.
Or is she the only one who has to feel discomfort?
@Joe A,
Get over yourself. You’re a grown man not some bloody preschooler.
@Joe A,
Divorce your
wife???
Your son has treated your wife abominably. If he wants you at his wedding he'll need to apologize to your wife – to both of you, really – and convince her that he is sincere, regrets his past conduct, and really wants her to attend.
And there's no "shame" in going alone, or not going at all.
@Frank Apisa,
Thank you. I just wanted to know if I was acting wisely.
My pride may hurt, but my happiness will not.
I wanted an honest opinion from persons that are not personally and sentimentally involved.
@Joe A,
Joe A wrote:
Thank you. I just wanted to know if I was acting wisely.
My pride may hurt, but my happiness will not.
I wanted an honest opinion from persons that are not personally and sentimentally involved.
Good luck, Joe. It will work out.
@Joe A,
Joe A wrote:
Although my son avoided to meet my wife, she always came with me to many of his life events, like graduation, my daughter wedding, or other family events where he was present, and always in our journeys she bought for him a present, when we bought for the other children.
...
After many attempts, my wife said that she won't come to his marriage, because at the end, she feels offended by his behavior, but then it was not relevant, and I hoped the time will resolve this problem.
...
When my wife and myself talked about the future marriage, she told me that she doesn't intend to come to his wedding, because she feels that my son came because he knew that I will not come to his wedding without my wife.
I said that in this case we will have to divorce, regardless that we have a happy marriage and love each other, and this is because I cannot bear the shame of what our friends and our relatives will think when they will see me coming alone.
I think your wife has been more than fair and you should support and stand by her. The years of gifts and attempts by your wife which were all rejected by your childish son are worth more than him and his fiancé coming to your house. He needs to grow up.
And of course the thought of you divorcing her for not attending the wedding is ridiculous. Seriously??
@Joe A,
It is very hurtful to have someone ( your son) so obviously let her know he did not want a relationship with her. She has behaved admirably in spite of his cruel behavior.
Now his tune has changed - why? Maybe because his fiancé and family would be horrified to find out that he has treated your wife so miserably. Shame on him.
Your son is the person who will need to explain your wife’s absence, not you.
Although I consider myself a wise person, I know that the wisdom is in many places, and listening to other people opinions is much wiser.
I let my pride guide my life and this is wrong.
Thank you all, for taking the time and give me your honest opinions.
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