How Do You Get Turned On A By A Really Goodlooking Woman?

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It seems like an odd illogical question but that is the dilemma I have with this woman I started seeing. I knew for a while now and really like her personality and she asked me out so and we started seeing each other, but even though I love her personality and we are a good match that way it seems, I fail to get aroused by her because she is too goodlooking. She is literally Hollywood, supermodel beautiful and that's the problem for me, sexually. She's too perfect, and I guess she just comes off having a too perfect supermodel face and body that I just can't relate too.

But my guy friends think I'm crazy I think and feel that I should be really turned on by someone that goodlooking. Can I chance my outlook on it, since I really like her personality, or what do you think?

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@harmonica,

harmonica wrote:

It seems like an odd illogical question but that is the dilemma I have with this woman I started seeing. I knew for a while now and really like her personality and she asked me out so and we started seeing each other, but even though I love her personality and we are a good match that way it seems, I fail to get aroused by her because she is too goodlooking. She is literally Hollywood, supermodel beautiful and that's the problem for me, sexually. She's too perfect, and I guess she just comes off having a too perfect supermodel face and body that I just can't relate too.

But my guy friends think I'm crazy I think and feel that I should be really turned on by someone that goodlooking. Can I chance my outlook on it, since I really like her personality, or what do you think?

Either you are bullshitting us...or you are the kind of person who can screw up an orgasm.

C'mon, Man!

Get your **** together.

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@Frank Apisa,

No bullshit here. Sorry, but could you elaborate on what you mean?

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@harmonica,

I dont exactly understand.

Have you kissed her yet? Have you seen her naked? Generally humans engage in something called "foreplay" during which time both partners become fully aroused.

If you haven't done this, I would suggest you do.

If you have, and there is still an issue, there may be a different problem.

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@harmonica,

Being a woman, I am just venture a guess

Are you attracted to her? Have you ever heard of beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Just because she is of what "hollywood" or the general public may perceive as beautiful does not mean that is what is attractive to you.

Maybe it is she seems on the surface not real? To you maybe someone with more natural beauty - more wholesome look is attractive to you.

There is no right or wrong on what is attractive to someone. I can see a beautiful woman like you do - and I can appreciate the beauty but I have no sexual arousal as a result.

Nothing wrong with that on your side either - you just are attractive to a different type of beauty.

I just remember an aunt of mine saying at her retirement party when this really hot guy came in and did a strip tease for her. She just laughed and said he was too skinny. He was not skinny - I mean the guy was solid muscle with these great abs. But to her she preferred and was attracted to a man with more meat on him.

You can appreciate certain types of beauty without being sexually attracted to it.

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@harmonica,

Humans grade other humans and also themselves. I remember reading a study on speed dating. In selecting potential matches, people seemed to select matches that they felt were "in their class". I also read a story about a guy who found out his date was a porn actor and was completely freaked out because she was so experienced compared to him. Maybe your issue is you think you are not attractive enough to be with your date. If that is the case, my comment would be that she clearly thinks you are in her class and you should respect her judgement.

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@Linkat,

There is a big difference between women and men.

If a woman who is even moderate normal looking and has a horrible personality does a strip tease for me, I am turned on. I may choose to not act on it, but the sexual curcuitry for most men is set to automatic.

There is a reason that clubs featuring naked women are such a big business.

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@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

There is a big difference between women and men.

How would you know?

the same person wrote:

If a woman who is even moderate normal looking and has a horrible personality does a strip tease for me, I am turned on.

Not me.

this same person wrote:

There is a reason that clubs featuring naked women are such a big business.

Peer pressure explains a lot of it.

the OP wrote:

But my guy friends think I'm crazy I think and feel that I should be really turned on by someone that goodlooking.

The standards that determine beauty are somewhat arbitrary. You recognize that this woman's features conform to an ideal which has been formed in your mind by Madison Avenue, Hollywood, and Playboy but you may respond to women who don't fit this stereotype. You needn't answer this directly but if you consider what have women who have attracted you previously looked like and compare them to this woman where are the obvious differences in shape, physical features, and carriage? Maybe "Miss America" just isn't your type.

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@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

There is a big difference between women and men.

If a woman who is even moderate normal looking and has a horrible personality does a strip tease for me, I am turned on. I may choose to not act on it, but the sexual curcuitry for most men is set to automatic.

There is a reason that clubs featuring naked women are such a big business.

That is exactly why I stated I was a woman - but even talking with men - some say they are more attracted to certain "looks" and features - everyone has a preference. Now that is different than just being sexually interested. I know guys it doesn't matter - they are ready no matter what.

Other guys though are more selective - at least that has been my experience from dating and being with different types of men. One male good friend of mine when I asked if he would hop into bed with me--- yeah without question...another was more selective and actually valued my friendship over that - yeah they are different animals.

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@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

I may choose to not act on it, but the sexual curcuitry for most men is set to automatic.

I know for a fact that you can't say that about all men. Some men are genteel and would like to know the lady first (both of my husbands, in fact). And there are some men who aren't heterosexual. And there are others who are asexual. I actually know quite a few of the latter. And then there are drillers, who are a whole different life form (in general). I've had the misfortune to meet quite a few of them, too, as the only female in camp for 6 - 12 weeks. But even among them, not all of them were lusty.

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@harmonica,

The big question is - how do you feel? Don't make judgements based on your guy friends, but on how you feel.

Feelings are not always logical (if you consider what they are saying as being logical). If you really do like her personality why not continue being friends - it could develop into something more as you get to know her. She may appear to be perfect on the outside, but no one is perfect --- what you need is someone who is perfect for you and maybe she just is not perfect for you.

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1. I didn't say "all men". I said "most men".

2. I think the data bear me out of this. We know that most men (but not most women) use pornography. That far more men than women hire prostitutdes (regardless of sexual orientation). And I can speak from my own experience and my knowledge of how men act and talk when no women are around.

3. I don't buy Hightor's "peer pressure" comment. I think the peer pressure is in the opposite direction. Hightor would feel ashamed if he had the urge to go to a strip club... and if he did, I doubt he would talk about it to most of his friends.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

I think your story is interesting. The man who said he would jump into bed with you clearly wanted to have sex. The other man, who said he wouldn't jump into bed with you didn't say he didn't want to have sex. He only said that he was worried about changing your friendship.

A man can have a normal sex drive, but choose to supress it.

1 Reply

@Mame,

For the record, I would hate to be called "genteel". The word implies someone who conforms to societal expectations for show. It is not always dishonest, but being genteel can be awfully insincere.

A while ago, I had some time together with an incredibly attractive woman. As we were about to part ways I simply said "I would like to spend the night with you tonight". She understood perfectly well that I wanted sex.

There is nothing wrong with wanting sex. I don't see any reason to lie about wanting to have sex or to hide the fact that I (really) wanted to have sex. So we had sex. We are still dating (and the relationship is going well).

If genteel means having to avoid expressing any sexual desire... then I don't want it.

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In traditional societies, the man is supposed to be the sexual aggressor. The man would persue the woman, the woman would act coy for a while while the man "won her over". Then the woman would give in, they would have sex, and everyone would be happy. It was a little game, and women didn't have to admit to wanting sex for themselves. But the system worked and people got what they needed.

In the 1970s, they decided this was unbalanced. But instead of telling women it was OK to initiate sex, they instead told men that wanting sex was "toxic".

So now, no one admits they want sex. No one pursues. No one "gives in" and no one is happy.

We are in the midst of what sociologists are calling the "Sexual Recession". Twenty five percent of single women report to not having had sex in more than two years with some singles going without sex for far longer.

Maybe this is another topic. This modern belief that there is something wrong (or not "genteel") with sexual desire doesn't serve anyone.

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@maxdancona,

Quote:

I don't buy Hightor's "peer pressure" comment.

Well that's what guys have told me. They're on a business trip. They're drinking with an associate or maybe an important client who suggests a change of scenery and they head off to a club. Being in loud club in the presence of so many drunken men throwing their money away and leering at trashy-looking women doesn't hold universal appeal.

Quote:

Hightor would feel ashamed if he had the urge to go to a strip club... and if he did, I doubt he would talk about it to most of his friends.

No, I'd just feel stupid — and I'd look pretty stupid if I started telling my friends about it. I think they'd be insulted.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

I think your story is interesting. The man who said he would jump into bed with you clearly wanted to have sex. The other man, who said he wouldn't jump into bed with you didn't say he didn't want to have sex. He only said that he was worried about changing your friendship.

A man can have a normal sex drive, but choose to supress it.

Exactly some men have morals and some are simply animals! Hey they were both my friends and I could appreciate the entertainment value each of them gave me.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

I don't understand.

Which of these two guys had morals? The first guy was more honest with himself. The second guy gave a lame excuse (since you were asking) but I am not sure if being sexually repressed is immoral.

Or are you saying that admitting you like sex is immoral.

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@hightor,

1. Calling a woman "trashy looking" because you don't approve of where she works is classless. You should at least retract this statement.

2. I have no problem admitting that I enjoy strip clubs from time to time. They are an experience that many men enjoy. It is a consensual activity that both parties benefit from. There is nothing wrong with that.

3. I believe that most men enjoy strip clubs. They provide a pleasure that reaches some primal part of the male brain. There may be some men who honestly don't enjoy strip clubs (I believe that most men do, but that is just an opinion). There are also men who would enjoy a strip club but would never admit it due to social pressure or shame.

4. There are different kinds of strip clubs. Some are quite classy and clean. They are a high end bar with expensive drinks and naked women. Some are quite grungy. There used to be a strip club near Boston that we went to in college that was fun because it was so low class... that was part of the appeal. They closed it a few years back due to drug activity. I was actually a bit sad to hear it closed even though I hadn't been there for years.

5. The variety of women you see at strip clubs is quite remarkable. There is generally a variety of body shapes and sizes and races (although age is not well represented). There is something equal about this that you don't see in advertising or movies or any other place where women's bodies are featured.

I have never seen a woman at a strip club that I would call "trashy looking".

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Well thanks for the advice so far, everyone!

Well I do like her a lot and think we have a great connection, it's that I am not feeling the chemistry as much physically. But I find this to be crazy, because she is gorgeous, so I feel that it's my issue that I need to overcome. Unless I am looking at it wrong?

To answer one of the above questions, I haven't seen her naked yet but while making out, I felt around a lot, if that helps explains we are at.

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