Grandparent issue

Yeah, I had no idea he'd posted before, so it's good information. I'm not bothering with him anymore.

Maybe I'm missing something. Of all those who responded no one seems to see the problem here. Yes, I'm female and I don't understand why everyone feels he's gotta get permission to watch his very own granddaughter. When did she get all the power and say so? Just because they're married doesn't give her any more power than him to say when his granddaughter can come over. She doesn't sound like she's embraced the idea of being a grandma yet, even though her own son has 2 kids. Granted, some people are not kid people and I understand that. But it sounds like this guy loves not only his biological granddaughter but the others as well. I don't see him showing any favoritism to any of them. It sounds like this woman had her husband all to herself but now that there's a new grandbaby in the house a few days a week she's feeling neglected. Jealous over a newborn. How old is she? My parents can't get enough of my kids. They call almost everyday and even got iphones so they could Facetime and see them on the regular. I see nothing wrong with this guy wanting to create that bond with his granddaughter. It's bond now and these kids will always worship the ground you walk upon. Don't bond and these are going to be kids who won't come visit you later in life when you really need them. Yall need to get off this guy's back and let him enjoy his time with his granddaughter. The wife needs to grow up more and understand this is his blood. Blood is thicker than water and it's definitely thicker than a marriage certificate. Keep pushing him and I assure you there may be a divorce down the road.

Did you even read what I wrote - I suggested a compromise - that is what is done in a marriage. I did not give all the power to the wife, but also the husband should not have all the power.

You are unhappy that your husband does not share his financial situation with you but yet you cannot see that this man appears (I say appears because we are only going by what is written here) -- to want to have this completely his way. He appears to be unwilling to discuss this with his wife and see how they can compromise on the situation.

This is not getting permission - this is discussing a situation like adults so that they can work together to come to a solution to help all those involved.

Not just saying I am taking my granddaughter to babysit when I want no matter how you feel. It should be equal "power" - what you are proposing is all the power on his side.

I also had some suggestions to which the OP refuses to respond. If he was serious about this, he'd consider them. But, given that link to his previous thread, I doubt he's much interested in his wife's position or resolving this issue. Seems like he's content to just complain.

You know - it is ok to write on here and just complain and vent (believe me I have done that) - but state that - don't ask for advice and then basically say I am right and not going to change.

Yeah I have a bit of sympathy and I started my responses as such - I can see why you would want your granddaughter there and care for her.

But if you post here - you are going to see the other side - it is whether you just want to vent or are really looking for a compatible solution.

Who said he didn't discuss it with his wife and now she is the one reneging? We can't make that assumption. And my question about my husband's finances has nothing to do with me answering this question. Sounds like everyone's only solutions is for the grandbaby to start coming over less and less so the wife can be happier. BS! This is this man's blood and I don't see why he needs to discuss with his wife, not his daughter's mom, how often his grandbaby can come over. She's not there everyday. This guy is helping his daughter out so she can keep a job, which has her working every weekend, off a few days during the week. And again, when she's off she keeps her baby at home so there's 2 days the baby is not over there. Coupled with the fact that the OP said that his mom and sister also aid in helping to watch the baby. So picture this. Sat and Sun he has the baby. Mom is off 2 days a week. That leaves only 3 days left. Say great-grandma and great-aunt each take a day that only leaves 1 day. OP gets her 3 out of 7 days but wifey thinks that's too much? Come on, give me a break.

Who said I wasn't willing to take any advice? I personally don't think my wife has much of a say so when it comes to my granddaughter. Just like I don't have much of a say so when it comes to her granddaughter. Her son's child. I would love her here more as well but the wife said no so I deal with that. But she's not going to tell me no when it comes to my own granddaughter. There are some limits that need to be put into place.

Okay, then why did you post at all? You have made it very clear it's your way or the highway. No compromising at all. Next time, say so in your topic line and we'll stay out of it (or at least I will). No point offering suggestions when someone clearly doesn't want them.

I am saying it - we gave you advice and reasonable advice and you ignored it.

You have already taken a stand - when you say I personally don't think my wife has much of a say - ok so then you are not taking any advice.

"But she's not going to tell me no when it comes to my own granddaughter. There are some limits that need to be put into place. "

Again not taking advice - just standing your ground and unwilling to bend.

Why can’t we? At this point if this was the situation – it is reasonable to assume he would have mentioned it and defended himself on this point especially since we suggested he SPEAK with his wife on this. Never did he mention before or even after we suggested he SPEAK with his wife – that he actually did speak with her.

He has stated he is unwilling to bend. Pretty clear he never had a conversation with his wife.

I don’t know but if someone gave this suggestion to me I would have said – sorry just to clarify we already agreed my granddaughter would stay and now she doesn’t want her to – kind of a big thing to leave out initially and not to mention after several people suggested he do so any reasonably intelligent person would have stated that his wife reneged. So yes we can make this assumption.

And you are making assumptions – we suggested talking with his wife = not necessarily having the baby stay over less; yes that might be the end result, but again being married is a partnership so both should have equal say – that is why you reach a compromise or at least you do so if you care about your partner.

So you are suggesting that the wife be miserable and bend 100% so the husband can be happy. Well I am going to your post and let you know that you should just let your husband do whatever he wants with the money and not make any changes to make you happier.

This was discussed with the wife prior to the baby even coming over for the first day. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you guys EVERY DETAIL OF OUR CONVERSATION PRIOR TO THE BABY COMING OVER! My issue is that now that the baby is here the wife wants to renegotiate the agreement. In my book the only renegotiating you want to do is that the baby come over less so you have have me more. I fail to see how you are comparing your time spent with me to that of my time spent with my 3 month old granddaughter. If I go visit my other grandkids then she's angry because I am out of the house. I can't give her everything she wants. If I do then I would only see my grandbabies once every 2 weeks and that's ridiculous. But I guess this forum, like many others seem to think that if someone gives you advice then (A) you have to take their advice as the only valid advice. Or (B) If I don't respond to everyone's post then I obviously don't want to fix my problem. So I assume everyone has been in this situation to where your wife wanted to dictate your time with your grandchild and yall caved simply because "she said so." The real issue here is I don't have a problem telling my wife no or this is how it's going to be. I do not do that with every situation but I do put my foot down to others. Do not agree to something then want to change it after a while. You should have voiced your concerns at the beginning.

Bye!

People change their minds all the time - situations change, and it's allowed to renegotiate. You already said she was a bit of a loner, didn't even want to be around her own grandkids too much because of the noise. So, knowing who she was, didn't you expect this? Or why didn't you expect this?

Maybe send her out to the spa on a weekend day, or pay for lunch for her and girlfriends? I don't think you're getting that relationships are a partnership, although, if you're texting other women and considering running out to a Motel 6 for a quickie, maybe in your case, it's not.

Sounds like an awful place for both of you to be in. That's all.

doesn't sound like much compromise - maybe on either side.

But it would have made sense that you would tell us that she had agreed with the situation before hand - I don't know but to me that would be the issue I would be touting and venting about - hey we already agreed this would work and now she doesn't want it.

Don't you think we would have at least understood your grievance a bit more? And that isn't telling every little detail- that is telling a big detail; pretty much the beginning of the story. Don't you think it is just a little bit different story if you say my wife doesn't want my granddaughter over 2 or 3 days a week rather than after agreeing to care for my granddaughter 2 or 3 days a week my wife no longer wants to support this.. you are only adding in a bit of a phrase not entire little details.

All I can say is - Glad I'm not there and I feel for the kids.

LOL Looks like we;'re just talking to ourselves, who are already in agreement.

Get back in there on the Whom Am I thread

I'm sorry for not putting that one piece of information in my OP. Anytime anything is discussed my wife and I discuss it first. It's not like the baby just showed up with her diaper bag and I handed her to my wife and said, "here you go." Even when my daughter moved back home with us shortly before she gave birth it was discussed with my wife. What we thought was just going to be a few weeks turned into an additional month because my daughter had to have a c-section and she needed time to recover. Again, all that was discussed with my wife. I just find it funny that my wife expects me to be a father / father-figure to her sons but that doesn't always cross over when it comes to my daughter. She has never been left out of the dark on anything and as a woman I would think that a child you helped raise for the past almost 20 years who went through something like a difficult birth and a c-section then needed some help in watching the baby one would think it wouldn't be an issue. Again, she's not here 7 days a week. Only a few hours every so many days. That's like me knowing how to fix cars and having all the tools to do a number of things. Then when one of the boys comes over asking me for help I tell them no. Bottom line is my wife has been included on any and every conversation we've had in regards to this.

Interesting that your daughter needed two months to recuperate after a C-section. I've had three and with the last one I was home on Day 4. Maybe she had complications, but it's a very simple surgery.

Where did you read that she needed 2 months to recover? This is how stories get twisted. I said she came 2 weeks prior to the birth because she was going to need someone to drive her to the hospital. Yes, she has her own place and her own car but she needed someone to drive her. She was here 2 weeks prior and then what we thought was going to be a natural birth and maybe 2 weeks after just to get use to having a newborn turned into a month longer because of the c-section. She didn't have any complications but she still needed a month to recover. Surgeries are different for different people.

Well, this is what you said, "What we thought was just going to be a few weeks turned into an additional month because my daughter had to have a c-section and she needed time to recover."

That adds up to ~2 months to me. A few weeks. An additional month. So maybe 6 weeks.

And I had my last C-section long ago (1983), didn't have a car, had another child (under 6) and was on my own as my husband was out of town working for months.

Sounds like your daughter might be playing you. But that's not really the topic of your thread.

Good luck

I thought you have only been married for the last 12 years. So is it 20 or 12?

Depends on the daycare - most allow you to have a child there one, two, three, four or five days --- usually you need to keep the same days each week.

My daughter when she was young went 2 days a week. The others she went to her grandparents house