Fractured nursery rhymes

Jack and Jill went up a hill. Each one had a quarter.

Hannibal had a little lamb. Its chops were nicely browned.

Sadly, this reminds me of the Hot Nuts that used to perform at college parties and small night clubs. I would repeat some of the poems and nursery rhymes but I don't wish to get cancel cultured again.

The hill Jack and Jill went up is in Kilmersden in Somerset, I ‘ve lost count of the number of times I’ve driven up and down it.

It's just a hill, nothing special, not even a bloody well.

Little Jack Horner ... sat.

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead,
Now it goes with her to school each day
between two bits of bread.

He’s another one from my neck of the woods.

He was the steward to the abbot of Glastonbury who during the dissolution of the monasteries took the deeds of several properties to the king, saving the best, Mells Manor, for himself.

When I was at school there were two Mary variations doing the rounds. The first I heard at primary school and seemed very risqué at the time, but compared to the other is quite demure.

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a bear,
I’ve often seen her little lamb,
But I’ve never seen her bear.

The other one is way too filthy but the second line is.
She couldn't stop it grunting.

Mary had a little lamb.
Everyone was astounded
After that wherever Mary went
The Gynecologists surrounded.

good one, Ragman

Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son
Stole a pig and away he run
But soon Tom's arms got leaven
After all, he was only seven.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.

There was a young woman who didn't live in a shoe.
She didn't have any children, but she knew what to do.

I think that nursery rhymes are actually directives for children. The first one discourages sexual activity, but the second one encourages it, perhaps to raise the birth rate. I read somewhere that it was actually a variation on the nursery rhyme, the shoe being a sexual symbol.

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
The get the dog a bone
When she bent over
The woman exploded
Taken out by a drone

good one

Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were surprised!
But when Old McDonald had a farm
They couldn't believe their eyes!

lol