Child vs spouse

@neptuneblue,

Actually her therapist thinks it is a good idea for her. obviously everyone here is seeing the both of them at their worst. My daughter HT we is not vindictive... she is diagnosised with a mental disorder and working on it. If you have a child with a broken leg do you just let them fend for themselves or do you get them
medical attention.

Colleges recognize this and they have mental health facilities right on campus. One school we visited had weekly visits by therapy dogs. She is not always like this .. this is her at her worst.

I actually did almost what you said when my husband threatened that. I went to my computer pulled up the legal resources I have through work until he realized exactly what I was doing.

It is a mess but so is someone who has a panic attack it is not easy to go through but she has for the most part managed better.

We did discuss if she fails at college even with her therapist, mental health facilities available to her. She will come home and pay us whatever we have paid. She did earn quite a bit in scholarships.

And I had considered local colleges but realized she needs to learn to do this on her own ... and either succeed or fail but at least she is in a spot where she has resources due help.

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@neptuneblue,

Upon going back I think you just do not understand mental illness and the stress that comes with it on all sides otherwise I believe you would be a bit more sympathetic on all sides. You are very fortunate to not have it in your life

1 Reply

@Linkat,

Let me ask you this...

What makes you think that I don't?

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@neptuneblue,

neptuneblue wrote:

Let me ask you this...

What makes you think that I don't?

Because then you would not say her actions or words were vindictive.

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@Linkat,

Having severe anxiety does not give a person permission to treat their spouse/child/parent badly. You can be understanding and still expect to be treated with respect. I strongly urge you to get family counseling and try to sort out all the issues. Don't bend over backwards in an effort to fix things if the other two are not bending at all.

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@glitterbag,

glitterbag wrote:

Having severe anxiety does not give a person permission to treat their spouse/child/parent badly. You can be understanding and still expect to be treated with respect. I strongly urge you to get family counseling and try to sort out all the issues. Don't bend over backwards in an effort to fix things if the other two are not bending at all.

I guess people really do not like to read other responses - we have had family counseling.

It has taught us to understand a bit more of how anxiety works and how it can make someone feel - like they don't want to get out of bed - but it is worse than that - it takes huge amounts of power to be able to get yourself up when it hits you. It is not about bending over backwards - it is about supporting them and understanding they need 10 or 15 minutes to get through their attack and pull themselves together before they can have a meaningful conversation.

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@Linkat,

Your husband - like many men – get angry at their teenage daughters who exhibit behaviors (like your daughter does ) because it seems to be a lack if resiliency. He would act the same if she was a boy. To him, it seems like a weakness that she can’t cope. And it probably makes him frustrated that there’s nothing that he can do or say to make her cope or , as he would like it , snap out of it. Then there’s you, trying to smooth everything out.

Having a special needs child can tear a marriage apart. This must be exhausting for both of you. Couples counseling would help.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

No ... no problem I think a large part was just me venting..which just writing it down makes me feel better ... unfortunately I don’t have an outlet to let out the steam as you see I am the one being used as an outlet.

I got the feeling from the start that's what you needed. Someplace to vent and talk. Smile

1 Reply

@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

[

I guess people really do not like to read other responses - we have had family counseling.

It has taught us to understand a bit more of how anxiety works and how it can make someone feel - like they don't want to get out of bed - but it is worse than that - it takes huge amounts of power to be able to get yourself up when it hits you. It is not about bending over backwards - it is about supporting them and understanding they need 10 or 15 minutes to get through their attack and pull themselves together before they can have a meaningful conversation.

I did read all the responses, and I noticed you mentioned family counseling. Maybe you each need separate counseling in addition to family counseling.

Please don't assume that other people all live charmed, care-free, stress-free, trouble-free lives. Many of us have dealt with suicides, divorces, violent assaults, mental illnesses and severe depression, job loss, death of family members, friends murdered, serious illnesses, aging parents and all the other things that people experience if they live long enough.

I may not have provided as long of an explanation or as detailed advice as you may have preferred, but I can assure you that I was only trying to help without cluttering up the issue with my personal life experiences. I really regret using my nephew and brothers situation as an example of life gone off the rails, but I had no idea what you were dealing with when you said there was a disagreement over morals. Sorry you were disappointed.

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@PUNKEY,

Yes you explained him well he is trying to help her and it is his frustration getting in the way. Imagine someone in the position used to saving people physically being put in a position where the saving is not as obvious..you can't see the opponent,,,it is in your head so much harder to deal with,

The positive is the realization afterwards knowing you care but maybe you aren't the best at it, I give him credit he is willing to recognize it although he still struggles with it, In some ways it is wonderful seeing them struggle together you see the care and love even through the ugly parts,

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@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

Linkat wrote:

No ... no problem I think a large part was just me venting..which just writing it down makes me feel better ... unfortunately I don’t have an outlet to let out the steam as you see I am the one being used as an outlet.

I got the feeling from the start that's what you needed. Someplace to vent and talk.

Yes thank you,

They are both wonderful people with incredible attributes,

One thing I loved at my daughters 16 th birthday party was listening in on the party goers ,,they all were saying the same thing my daughter has their back,,she had friends from the school she went to as elementary to the middle school.when we moved to the public high school and they all were saying the same thing,

I remember her middle school coach saying at the local dump ,,,,everyone in town sees Rach other there...how my daughter stepped up for his daughter when her friends were bullying her..my daughter told them off and had the girl sit with her during lunch. I would have never known had he not Saud anything

She does not speak up for herself but will defend anyone else. Kind of shocks me that she has anxiety for herself when she is so willing to help others. Makes me proud as well.

I tell her she is my favorite except for the dog .. Being funny of course but in part because she thinks her older sister is so perfect.

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@Linkat,

But in any case my daughters decided to commit to a college and team. She has reached out to the coach to verbally accept. Seeing live stream their games she would be a great addition to their outside shooting
. ..

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Child vs spouse

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