My Life is Toast

Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2021 04:56 am
I was wondering if anyone had any methods / strategies they've used to fix their life. My life is currently a mess of multifaceted problems, with shortcomings in many of the aspects required for a happy successful life. For context I'm a 20 y/o male.

It starts with weed, which occupies just about all of my free time. I currently smoke everyday and have become totally reliant on it. I live with my parents, I have a bed in front of my TV and I sit in my room stoned almost all day, with my bong just beside the bed. I'll go to sleep with good intentions to take a break tomorrow, then wake up, smoke, watch TV, play video games and that's usually how my day goes.

I also study a bachelors degree related to my work, however I have a complete lack of motivation to study. I never feel in the right mood to complete uni work and when I do study I can only hold it so long before I sink into my bed and smoke. I've been trying at uni for so long but I just don't have the discipline or willpower to put away the bong and write. I don't know why I'm so reliable to my responsibilities to work from home, but when it comes to university I can't even sum up the courage to try. Why does uni work take so much more willpower than paid work? Is it the financial motiviation, or the fact that more people are relying on me? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Face is a 0/10. I know I'm not hideous but there is a somewhat objective standard of beauty among humans and I don't land as very attractive. I've never been able to get a girlfriend, or even become close friends with a girl. A girlfriend would easily bring the most happiness to my life out of everything, but my social life is stationary. I have a small social circle, all guys, but we don't really go out to many places to meet girls. I just don't know any girls and don't know where I'm going to find one.

There is some positive.

The best thing I have going for me is my career. Since COVID happened and I moved to working from home and I've started smoked on the job almost everyday. But I'm tracking well and making decent money.

I drive a cool car. I wouldn't bore people with it but when someones interested I like to show it off.

I have decent fitness and go to the gym.

So if you were in my shoes, where would you move?

I'm not really looking for a motivational quote, but a strategy of what to focus on and what to do next.

It's easy to advise me to quit smoking weed, throw away my xbox, use time management and study but if I made a permanent change I'd just fall back into old habits as I've done so many times.

One way to fix my weed addiction, social life, love life and study discipline, may be a complete change of scene, like going to prison and coming out with a new appreciation for what I have and newfound motiviation to put down the bong and get out in the world.

Short of going to prison, all I can think to do is save up to move out. From there, I'd leave the weed behind and try to bring a new me into my new environment.

So any hot tips on how I may be able to find happiness?
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2021 09:31 am
You have zero understanding of prison if you even jokingly think of it as a solution.

I think your issue is actually a lot like dieting.

Hear me out.

See, it's easy to stay in shitty habits when the stuff that's bad for you is easy to get. This is not just fast food, it's also when the fried stuff is at the front of the fridge or easier to make.

We humans have laziness built into us. It's probably got an evolutionary advantage, in that wanting to not work too hard can lead to innovation.

So for dieters, setting out a beautiful bowl of fruit and making it easy to take some can be helpful. So does not buying the bad stuff in the first place. That way, you only have to say no one time.

One thing about your situation is, you clearly have some variation of motivation because of your fitness level and your car.

So think about how you can apply that elsewhere in your life.

To return to the dieting example, not buying weed would be step one to not using it as much. If you have a lot of money and it's burning a hole in your pocket, then have the Payroll department at work send a significant amount of it to retirement and a shorter term investment portfolio so you can have $$ for your golden years and $$ to eventually move out. Set an ambitious savings goal with high percentages and amounts.

You are young enough that you could be sitting on an incredible nest egg when you retire (I know that feels like it's a thousand years away, but the time will go faster than you think. Plus you will get a serious tax break).

Being cash poor right now will also make it harder to just smoke your life away. If you buy, use it at a friend's house and not your bed. Because right now, you're marrying sleep and relaxing with smoking. If you start to break this link, eventually it will stay broken.

Consider what you are getting your degree in. You sound like you're bored silly. So why not change your major? Unless you're going to medical school, the truth is, it doesn't matter what your BA is in, long as you have one. Mine is in Philosophy, for example, and I work in business credit. So you may be smoking in that instance just because you're bored. This is something you can do something about.

As for work, if you're smoking to get through your days, then you're bored there, too. If you like where you are, and you want to stay, why not (and I know how counterintuitive this sounds versus laying in your bed and toking) volunteer for a project, and try to get ahead? You may find your job is more interesting so you'd be less inclined to reach for the bong. Or you'd just be too busy.

I think a lot of this is time and money management. Right now, it feels easy for life to be and stay this way. But you have the power to make it easier to be another way.
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2021 02:29 pm
You are getting sick of the bong life and that’s a good indicator.

Either move out of your parents home or start traveling. See if you can do this without getting high, which has been a huge escape for you, a motivation killer, and probably ruining your lungs.

Good luck.
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Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2021 07:05 pm
Thanks so much Jespa!
I definitely need to get more money into my super cause it's just sitting there in my bank account.
I'll look into things that can sponge up some of my time and make it alot less convenient to smoke because that's worked pretty well in the past.
Appreciate the reply!
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Reply Fri 15 Jan, 2021 08:50 am
Is there a chance you’re suffering from depression on some level? There’s always the possibility that you’re weed habits, lack of motivation, and desire to lay in bed and play video games all day could all be stemming from that.

I’m a 26 year old woman but our lives sound pretty similar. I’m very interested in my work but anything else is just weed, my PlayStation and vegging out on my couch. In my situation, I make a list of things to do every day. Even if it’s just small things like washing the dishes, or washing my car, etc. (maybe yours would revolve around more school work?) and every morning I wake up, give myself a little pep talk, do my list and then once that’s done I can sit on my couch, play my games and be high guilt free. That might sound like a way too simple solution but it’s helped prevent me from falling into a hole. As far as women go, I know it’s rough being or feeling alone but my honest advice is to Just wait, I’ve seen that the most successful relationships come when you’re not actively looking for them, so just keep doing what you’re doing. You said you’d have a car you’d show off? Find some local car meets (there’s always women there) and meet some new people. The car scene is typically great for building a social life, where I’m from at least.

I also just want to say that you’re 20 years old, you have a car, you’re in school AND you’re working. You hit a snag, but you’re life isn’t toast! You’re doing really well for yourself (or at least that’s what your post makes it seem like). I work with a lot of people you’re age and trust me, you’re probably doing fine. Sometimes I think we’re all stuck in this place where we don’t think we are living up to society’s standards so we start to feel pressure and guilt that we’re not doing enough, but honestly just get better with your school work and you’ll be great.
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