To have children or not

At no point in your post did you say whether either you or your boyfriend want to have children.

Okay, moving forward from there...have children because you truly want them. You want to share the love you have with a person or persons who you plan to raise, put on a good path for life and for them to be happy and successful in all their endeavors.

Do not have a child just so you won't be alone when you get old. There are no guarantees. Any offspring might choose to live in a country other than where you are. They may decide they want nothing to do with you. It would not necessarily be a reflection upon you, they might reach that choice for any number of reasons.


If you are not sure about having a child at this time, consider having your eggs frozen.

Think about everything carefully.

If being alone is your driving force, then get involved with community activities. Make some new friends, some who might be friends for life.

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. So, I never thought too much about it before because I was never in a position to have children, job-wise, accommodation-wise, relationship-wise.... But now I am so it feels like now it's the natural progression and that there would be a massive void in my life if I didn't have them.
My partner definitely does not want them.
I suppose I always just grew up assuming that I would always have a family... But now I am at the point where the numbers are dwindling quickly and it is scaring the hell out of me. There is nothing more important to me than people. I am perfectly capable and a very well-functioning individual but for me, life is completely about developing and sustaining warm and meaningful relationships.
I am afraid that by committing myself to my boyfriend, that I will have denied myself everything valuable in life. Getting involved in committees and clubs only gets you so far as everyone has their own clan, circle established.
Even if children move away as adults, you still have a meaningful connection with another human being, someone to care about, someone who cares about you. To live and die with no family.... I don't know.... It's a very scary prospect for me.
I love my boyfriend so much but I feel cheated that he has made his decision and just expects me to fall in line with his wishes. As an only child he never had a proper family so he doesn't know what he's missing.... But I do. Keenly.

If you really want to have children and he does not - then yes you may have to leave him - BUT as stated before do not have children just so you are not alone. It is not fair to the child.

And having children for some is a natural progression - for others not so much. Children are great - I have two - but they are ALOT of work -

If you do want children - sit down with your boyfriend and be clear - I want to have children, if you do not then it is not right that we stay together. It also sounds like you being with your boyfriend is even more than just the children thing if he is keeping you from other things you find valuable in life. I would think even having a boyfriend you would still be involved in committees and clubs - why would that deny you.

I think you need to determine what you want in life - discuss it with him and if he is not willing to at least compromise or if there is something that is a deal breaker like having a child - you may need to split from him.

Are you financially secure enough to be able to raise a child on you own?

I have a friend, a software professional, who chose to be a single mother. She absolved the dad of all legal and financial obligation (and the father agreed to this before conceiving the child).

This worked well for her. I am pretty sure that you have to be fairly wealthy, and have a professional career, to be able to make this work easily.

I probably would be financially secure enough but I would never want a child without a father.