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Mon 2 Nov, 2020 02:26 pm
My bf and I are in our 60s and have been together more than a year. While I'm aware he can be somewhat bossy and too harsh with words, he generally is very loving and kind.
However, my adult daughter met him once last year and he came off as brash and bossy to the point where she cried. He was picking on our family cat, who has been a source of comfort for me and my kids since my husband (their dad) died 10 years ago.
I asked him to apologize at the time and instead he made small talk with her. I decided to still stay in the relationship b/c everyone should have a 2nd chance but the few times my daughter visits, I've kept them apart.
I feel at this point if I stay with him, it's important that they he can at least be somewhat civil to her. I should add that during this last year, when I facetime her he is nice on the call and he even sent a generous engagement gift to her.
He does mention that I speak to her at least 6 times/day, which isn't true but her and I are close and since we can't see each other often, we facetime. While i only see him on weekends, I don't stay on the phone too long with her so not sure why he makes fun of my calls with her.
In any event, my daughter and her fiancé are visiting in a few weeks and to prepare, I mentioned to him yesterday that I think my daughter may be nervous to meet him again since the 1st and only time last year did not go well. His response was: "Well she's crazy". I then said well you guys need to have a decent relationship. Even if he thinks she is (which she isn't, just sensitive), he could have said that he will make sure it goes smoothly, etc. He never took responsibility for his actions last year and I suppose he never will.
Is this a relationship killer?
I and my three cats all agree that he should be shown the door.
@feelinghurt1,
You're 60 years old.
Why are you putting up with this ****?
No, everyone does not deserve a 2nd chance.
I hope you haven't "loaned" him any money.
@BillRM,
BillRM wrote:
I and my three cats all agree that he should be shown the door.
Oh yeah.
Right there is a big **** you.
If the sample of his behavior which you have given is representative, then, yes, it might be.
@Brandon9000,
Brandon9000 wrote:
If the sample of his behavior which you have given is representative, then, yes, it might be.
She does not need a series of bad behaviors as just the idea that he was one time willing lo harm a defenseless pet that only knew and gave love to his humans for his ten years of life should tell you everything you need to know about the man soul.
@feelinghurt1,
So I approached my bf yesterday and said "you know I was surprised by your response calling my daughter crazy when I mentioned she's anxious about seeing you again after the debacle last year". His response was that he was sorry he used that term with me and he meant she was being unrealistic about the venue of her wedding next year. Then he proceeding to tell me what to say to her justifying why it should be small and near my home rather than where she lives in Chicago. He did say that if I wanted privacy to speak to her when she arrives this weekend he'd take my son to dinner for a few hours and then "we" can all go to dinner at the place he advocates for her wedding venue (which I am seriously considering anyway). But it wasn't until after he left that I realize he hadn't responded to my real question - that my daughter is anxious about seeing him again (truth be told she has no desire whatsoever to see him obviously and unless I hear something from him which gives me assurance that he will be civil or better to her, I'm not subjecting her to that; of course, he still doesn't think he didn't anything wrong last year). Not sure if that was his way of avoiding the question or he didn't understand but I'm back to square one.
@feelinghurt1,
The man have problems......first the woman I am courting at the moment have two 17 years old daughters and I have done my best to get them to like me not fight with them!!!
If one of her daughters is taking an action I disagree with I would talk to their mother not give either daughters a hard time.
He is not a people person to say the least.
@BillRM,
I admit I'm a person who always likes to please and avoid any type of controversy. My bf of 15 months is very loving but can be very intrusive too and has a tendency not to be sensitive to the needs of others sometimes (including how and what he says). Now to the issue: I told him I needed this past weekend alone with my child visiting from far away for only a week. Since I told him, he has been avoiding me to some extent by not calling me almost at all (he usually calls twice a day) so I have been calling him (and he is quite short on the phone). As it turns out, he has been sick since Friday, so I video called him yesterday hoping to make him feel better. Once again, he was quite short. While I understand he may not be feeling well, when I called him today, he just wasn't himself again. It's like he is jealous or mad that I asked him not to visit this weekend. While it may be he isn't feeling well and would have liked my company, it does make me concerned/hurt/uncomfortable that he can't say to me "I hope you have a nice visit", etc. He did manage to say "I'm sure you're happy to see your son" and tell him I say "hi". He is also aware that I need to have a serious discussion with my child about something (the details don't matter) but suffice it to say that it is a rather serious matter. This was the reason I gave him for not visiting me (I told him I was giving him and my other grown child a rain check this weekend; so he asked me today, "Is your other son not visiting today?". Does he not trust me (he made a statement the other day "Are you trading me in"? and "Do you miss me?" "I'm insecure".. and I said "You have no reason to feel insecure with me and of course, I miss you". As it turns out, I got sick all day yesterday (and still not well today) so I never really had the hard discussion but hope to do so later today or tomorrow. Anyway, I texted him today and told him my sister was just diagnosed with COVID yesterday (and I'm worried I told him b/c she has a heart condition and diabetes) and I was sick all day myself with a stomach bug but asked him how he was feeling. His reply was that he was good enough to go to work and wished my sister well and he did say I hope you feel better and then he said "I hope you had that talk with your son". Really - just what i need is pressure?
@feelinghurt1,
Think about this, please. Your children know you as their mother, since the day they were born you have been Mom. Now you have met a man and within 15 months he is trying to make decisions he has no business making. Imagine the amount of resentment your daughter will have when she realizes a virtual stranger is making decisions for her wedding. If my mother had allowed something like that I'd be crushed, and deeply disappointed with her...
Your boyfriend doesn't care, he doesn't have an emotional tie to your children, and it seems he resents you helping your children. Does that sound loving to you? If you don't dump him he will make your life miserable and separate you from everything and everybody you love.
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