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Why did this guy vanish like that ?

 
 
Nat386
 
Reply Thu 25 Jun, 2020 11:58 am
I have been seeing a guy for a few weeks, after a month we had sex for the first time. The day after, he was leaving for a trip and he didn't write to me (I wrote to him in the evening, he answered, but didn't talk much). Then he started to initiate contact less and less...

I had actually met him years ago when we were students: he was interested, he manifested it but was often clumsy about it and hot and cold. Back then, he was in a relationship that he was not so excited about anymore. But nothing happenned, we never confessed our mutual interest to each other. I was unexperienced I didn't know how to reciprocate and he never said "I like you". And he vanished, and we didn't talk for years. I had never completely forgotten about him.

So when we saw each other again weeks ago, both being single, we wanted to see if something could happen today between us. I must admit I was excited about it. But I wasn't sure it could go somewhere or we'd be fit for one another (I sort of told him). Above all, the way he had vanished in the past had hurt and confused me, I am sensitive and I needed time to trust him and feel comfortable. He wouldn't really verbalize his interest for me, he said he wasn't comfortable with words and they didn't mean anything.. At the beginning, we discussed what had happenned years ago, he asked if I felt able to be comfortable with him today, I said I didn't know... I think I needed time, he had hurt me in the past and we hadn't seen each other for nearly 5 years. I was scared I was not his type of girl and vice versa (we are very different), and I told him... He seemed a bit annoyed and said it was too early to worry about that and I should trust my instinct. I went with it, I really wanted to try. But he was not very warm and not very talkative between dates. Sometimes I found him disagreable and a bit critical and sarcastic with me. Maybe it is his humour or his way to protect himself when he is uncomfortable, but it made me feel insecure. I needed to feel like he was taking me seriously and he would be more consistent this time.

We were still really getting along, we only went on 5 dates, but we'd talk a lot and walk for hours. And the physical chemisty was great (for me at least). We'd kiss for 20 min straight. A week before he left, we had non-penetrative sex an evening, for 2 or 3 hours... He left at 3 or 4 am, didn't write to me the day after, it confused me. He had to work, I sent him a text saying I hoped he wasn't too exhausted, he said he was far from regretting what had happenned.

And then, a week later, we have actual sex and then he seemed to pull away. I have stopped initiating contact now and he hasn't tired to contact me. It really hurts me and I am confused... I find it douchy. Why would he come back after years to disappear again like that ?


Any opinion would be welcome
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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 125 • Replies: 2

 
Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Thu 25 Jun, 2020 12:03 pm
@Nat386,
Aren't you and all of us supposed to social distance?

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longly1
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Jun, 2020 03:58 pm
@Nat386,
I get the feeling he is worried about you getting pregnant. It appears he likes sex as long as there no chance of a sperm finding an egg. When you say non-penetrative sex are you referring masturbation or oral sex.
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