You do not know the background so I will give you a bye on judging.
I will not go into details - but I never checked on her before until she started lying to me and hiding where she was going. When she got caught in her lies and had gotten grounded for it. I told her she had to regain my trust. I had made it clear that I would check on her.
The trip to where was worked - I was going to Trader Joes which was next door to it. I know I said I had a feeling which I did - but since I was going to the TJs, I figured I would look for the car. Same parking lot. I did not see it - so like any parent wouldn't you be worried? So I went in to see if she was there and I just couldn't find the car - and when I was told she wasn't scheduled to work - I figured she lying or hiding something like she had done previously. We had strict instructions when using the car we had to know where she was - and if she went somewhere else she needed to tell us. She broke the rules - had shown she was not trustworthy from previous behavior so I made sure when she told me.
I honestly hid so as not to embarrass her in front of her friend. When she got home I was upfront that I saw her. She thought it was funny that she never saw me. I never hid what I did. And we sat down and talked why it was important that we know where she is. She did not get punished for this as she was not doing anything wrong - just made a mistake in the scheduling for work and decided to do something else - it was the lack of communication and us not knowing where she was that was the issue.
For the bank account, it is a combined bank account as she is a minor. Actually I am also on my 21 year old's account as well. More so if she needs money or needs me to handle anything in her account when she is at school (being a local account).
Any way having a bank account is new to the younger (checking and savings) as she just got a job. So I will review it and then I can show her what she needs to check like her getting her pay, monitoring how much is in there so she doesn't overdraw, making decisions on how much to save. So when looking at it I saw a debit payment from Dunkin near her boyfriend's house - she goes to private school so kids are scattered over many towns. I knew exactly what she had done because I knew he was sick - again the rules are to tell us where you are going and where you are when you have the car. So I asked her - she came clean - and to be honest I told her that was a nice thing to do to bring him his homework, but she needs to let us know where she is.
I tried to make the stories like columbo for entertainment purposes. I did not realize some one would jump all over and judge.
I think the thread of the subject matter of this though is appropriate and we should not all just jump to conclusion and judge others without even knowing of any of the background.
Unless you know the complete history of someone and their situation you should not judge - at one time my daughter was in a serious personal situation where was potentially harming herself - I used to read her phone to ensure she was safe. She gave me her password with the understanding that I would on occasion read through her personal conversations -now some people would find that horrible to invade someone's privacy - but at least I would know if she would try to harm herself. So unless you have been in that situation I would advise you to not judge someone else.
And I would without hesitation pass that post to my daughter's therapist. Especially considering I have spoken with the therapist about reading her texts.