8
   

Mea Culpa

 
 
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 05:22 am
I am sorry for my part in getting two threads shut down on A2K.

It is my fault for allowing myself to be trolled away from the topics.

In the future, I will not allow myself to be dragged away from conversation and people I like very much. People that the contact with actually helped to make me a better person by giving me information and a view to sides of issues I hadn't thought of before; from people that I am better for just by being given the opportunity of being allowed to sit at the table with.

For years I've been concerned with the trollish behavior of others. Trying to stop that trolling in my stupid clumsy way only added to the cacophony and only drove the very people I most wanted to interact with away.

Yesterday was the moment of clarity I've avoided or refused to see: a troll pointed out to me that Imur had put me on hide. I thought the trolls had driven away the voices I wanted to hear.

But it was me. I had allowed my voice to be as stupidly loud and obnoxious as a handful of other here. Pogo would have said of me "he had met the the enemy and it is him."

I am not going to allow that to happen again.

There are a certain limited handful I will no longer respond to. We all know who they are. I would modestly suggest as has been suggested to me by voices I want to hear that if these trolls are to be silenced they must be given silence. My way by treating in kind hurt my experience here and I in turn have managed to hurt the experience of others I hold in high regard by using that mistaken "in kind" treatment.

All I can do is report my coming to Jesus moment these too many years too late and hope that somehow, some day I can to sit at the table with Imur and all the others I managed to make turn me off.

Mea culpa. I am so very sorry. Please forgive me.
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Discussion • Score: 8 • Views: 365 • Replies: 29

 
edgarblythe
 
  5  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 05:49 am
We all go off a little on here, some more than others. At least you have the smarts to want to do better and I think most of us will respect that.
izzythepush
 
  4  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 06:07 am
@edgarblythe,
I’ve crossed the line more than a few times and regretted it each time.

It’s not as if any of it’s appreciated. You can spend ages searching for the right word in order to create an insult that hopefully others will find funny and possibly even quite witty, only to receive a reply in the manner of ‘No I’m not, you are,’ or something else that Bart Simpson could have come up with.

Pearls before swine, and the people you think might like it have already closed the thread down.

I have another member on ignore because they keep responding to and quoting the trolls. I have no problems with that poster at all, but I really don’t want to know what the usual suspects are saying.
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  3  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 07:21 am
@bobsal u1553115,
Good post, Bobsal.

Stay the course!
farmerman
 
  3  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 07:30 am
@bobsal u1553115,
You must say a perfect act of contrition and call your momma and tell her what you were doing with those Penthoue magazines
izzythepush
 
  3  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 07:58 am
@farmerman,
Do you really think she’ll want to know?
0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  3  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 08:35 am
@farmerman,
My momma found the only Playboy I ever dared to bring in and I really did only buy it for the articles and fiction - they were one of the few places to read Charles Bukowski, and she found the only pack of cigarettes I brought in: hidden in the pocket of a clean shirt hanging in the closet.

NUTHIN got past my momma.
Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 08:38 am
@bobsal u1553115,
bobsal u1553115 wrote:

My momma found the only Playboy I ever dared to bring in and I really did only buy it for the articles and fiction - they were one of the few places to read Charles Bukowski, and she found the only pack of cigarettes I brought in: hidden in the pocket of a clean shirt hanging in the closet.

NUTHIN got past my momma.


Momma's have eyes behind the back of their heads you know! (read my profile)

I am a momma - and one time when my younger girl was at a friend's house - she borrowed some clothing item or a hat or something from a friend. Her older sister told me what was on that piece of clothing (she saw it on a snap chat or similar social media) - so I sent her a text mentioning that item of clothing. She freaked out as she was over her friend's house.

I pointed out to her how momma's see everything and know everything!
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 08:40 am
@bobsal u1553115,
Refusing oxygen can be a good thing in some circumstances.
bobsal u1553115
 
  3  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 08:59 am
@Linkat,
My momma was a hair dresser. She knew Monday morning I went to my girlfriend's church instead of my own the day before.

I got away with nothing. She asked me when I had a serious crush on Irene Mack why I told Irene I was Jewish two days later. One of her customers told her she didn't know we were Jewish. She knew about stuff that never even touched the house.

I never became a criminal because she was smarter than Columbo.
Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 10:29 am
@bobsal u1553115,
So I have two daughters - one that tends to make good decisions - the other not so much. So I learned which one I had to keep an eye on.

So this one, in particular was supposed to go to work - I let her have one of our cars (since it was a weekend) to take to work which is within a couple of miles from our house. I got the mom instinct. I drove by her work and through the parking lot did not see the car. I went into where she worked and asked for her and was told she was not working that day.

Damn I was going to kill her. So I texted her and asked where she was - she told me she was with a girlfriend of hers and they went to the Y and were going swimming; she met her at the Y and her friend brought her a bathing suit - she read the schedule wrong and it was another girl with the same first name that was supposed to work. Well that made sense because that is who I talked with. So I questioned further and she sent me a picture of the two of them together.

Well that still wasn't going to fly - so what did I do - yes I went to the Y - didn't have a membership - told them at the desk I was just there to pick up my daughter - so I did the columbo and saw her and friend coming down a hallway near the pool - I moved back around the corner so they wouldn't see me - and walk another way to make sure they weren't sneaking out with some boys - it was more not telling me that bothered me - nope.

So later I did have a talk with her about how important it is to tell me where she is - granted she was 16 or 17 at the time, so it isn't like she was doing anything bad - just I need to know where she is - I told her I did not trust what she said since she did not tell me she wasn't working so I went to the Y to make sure this was all true. She thought the picture was evidence enough which to me wasn't. She was surprised that I found her and she never even knew.

Yep I've hunted them down before - I caught her going to her boyfriend's house - how - her bank account - charge to a Dunkin Donuts near his house. I did confirm it was simply to drop off homework when he was sick and his grandmother was there.

She does not do "bad" things - just does not make the best decisions - so yes I pull my columbo hat out and track her down. And she knows it - so it keeps her a little honest.
Frank Apisa
 
  2  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 10:50 am
@Linkat,
Ugh!

Gonna be blunt.

You ought to pass that post past a therapist of some sort. It is cringe worthy.

Doesn't sound as though you should be giving instruction on trust or ethical conduct of any sort to anybody.
bobsal u1553115
 
  4  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 11:05 am
@Linkat,
Um, I'm going to have to disagree with my esteemed colleague, Frank on this one. I became the single dad of two daughters. I know exactly what you mean.

They were great but they required keeping an eye on. I managed to keep a step ahead of them, but it took work and it paid off. Both graduated college summa cum laude from Teaxas A&M and Austin's St Edwards. They're both happy with families of their own. My son turned out good, too. He owns a bee keeping supply house and sell products all across the states. He needed a little more of an eye than the girls but he never repeated his mistakes. Emily knew how to push a button.
0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  2  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 11:07 am
@Frank Apisa,
Frank, you were one of those I missed here, we've been on three different forums together and I am pleased you're back.
bobsal u1553115
 
  2  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 11:08 am
@ehBeth,
Best way to put out a fire.
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 11:14 am
@Frank Apisa,
You do not know the background so I will give you a bye on judging.

I will not go into details - but I never checked on her before until she started lying to me and hiding where she was going. When she got caught in her lies and had gotten grounded for it. I told her she had to regain my trust. I had made it clear that I would check on her.

The trip to where was worked - I was going to Trader Joes which was next door to it. I know I said I had a feeling which I did - but since I was going to the TJs, I figured I would look for the car. Same parking lot. I did not see it - so like any parent wouldn't you be worried? So I went in to see if she was there and I just couldn't find the car - and when I was told she wasn't scheduled to work - I figured she lying or hiding something like she had done previously. We had strict instructions when using the car we had to know where she was - and if she went somewhere else she needed to tell us. She broke the rules - had shown she was not trustworthy from previous behavior so I made sure when she told me.

I honestly hid so as not to embarrass her in front of her friend. When she got home I was upfront that I saw her. She thought it was funny that she never saw me. I never hid what I did. And we sat down and talked why it was important that we know where she is. She did not get punished for this as she was not doing anything wrong - just made a mistake in the scheduling for work and decided to do something else - it was the lack of communication and us not knowing where she was that was the issue.

For the bank account, it is a combined bank account as she is a minor. Actually I am also on my 21 year old's account as well. More so if she needs money or needs me to handle anything in her account when she is at school (being a local account).

Any way having a bank account is new to the younger (checking and savings) as she just got a job. So I will review it and then I can show her what she needs to check like her getting her pay, monitoring how much is in there so she doesn't overdraw, making decisions on how much to save. So when looking at it I saw a debit payment from Dunkin near her boyfriend's house - she goes to private school so kids are scattered over many towns. I knew exactly what she had done because I knew he was sick - again the rules are to tell us where you are going and where you are when you have the car. So I asked her - she came clean - and to be honest I told her that was a nice thing to do to bring him his homework, but she needs to let us know where she is.

I tried to make the stories like columbo for entertainment purposes. I did not realize some one would jump all over and judge.

I think the thread of the subject matter of this though is appropriate and we should not all just jump to conclusion and judge others without even knowing of any of the background.

Unless you know the complete history of someone and their situation you should not judge - at one time my daughter was in a serious personal situation where was potentially harming herself - I used to read her phone to ensure she was safe. She gave me her password with the understanding that I would on occasion read through her personal conversations -now some people would find that horrible to invade someone's privacy - but at least I would know if she would try to harm herself. So unless you have been in that situation I would advise you to not judge someone else.

And I would without hesitation pass that post to my daughter's therapist. Especially considering I have spoken with the therapist about reading her texts.
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 11:17 am
@Linkat,
But now because of you, Frank, you took the humor that my post was meant to be!
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 11:29 am
@Linkat,
Nope. Not at all. You and I could swap stories!

Like when Emily told me at 16 she was moving out in summer. I asked her where, she said to an apartment. I asked her who was paying for it. She told me I was. I asked where in her contract that was written. She said she'd have herself declared an emancipated child. I told her the she didn't understand the concept. A parent has a child totally out of control declared emancipated. I told her I had a lot of love, time and money invested in her, that she was just then becoming an interesting person and that I didn't think I was ready to cut her loose yet.

There were two tough years, but she snapped out of it by her senior year.

Being a pretty good dad is the thing I am most glad of and the most proud of.
RABEL222
 
  4  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 11:30 am
@bobsal u1553115,
Stay with it bob. Getting upset with some of the posters here is ok. Some of them i don't bother to read. I just post liar because I know they are.
bobsal u1553115
 
  2  
Reply Fri 5 Jun, 2020 11:33 am
@RABEL222,
I just need to do it such away as to not appear I'm after scalps. Its not as if there is ever going to be an honest admission out of any of them.
0 Replies
 
 

 
  1. Forums
  2. » Mea Culpa
Copyright © 2020 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 08/14/2020 at 11:55:22