Another newbe

Hi. What made you join and post here?

Welcome.

By the way, how did you happen to find us?

Hi again, Q1, how did I get here, Umm just wandering the road on the NET. thought it would be of benefit in my situation!
My situation;
Lost my wife 3 weeks ago now, 42 years of teamwork and closeness. Now on our own, moved to another country 14 years ago, and lived very closely together joined at the hip. died fast/ quick, over about 4 days really, from appearing to be kind of normal; in fact, Although she was ill never knew what it was till it was over and done. So to me, it was about on Par, with someone going to the shops and killed in a car crash type shock. She died of SEPSIS, Septic shock, due to a dentist removing an infected tooth without first giving a course on antibiotics ( malpractices) really. Anyway, she has gone, to me suddenly. My life, direction, thoughts, plans, and views of life have been turned upside down, inside out, and back to front. Now sat here sort of isolated, as we live in a quite isolated area. To the most part, equally as shocking as her departure, is my discovery of how nasty, selfish, thoughtless, uncaring so many people can be, when these huge personal tragedies happen. Even family, to the most part have just NOT bothered, I see almost no one, speak to very few, unless 95% of the time I am phoning them, or they just don't bother. the callousness deifies words it really does. So I have had almost NO support, or help to navigate these very bad emotional times so far. My opinion of 85% of people has never been that good anyway, but This new level of treatment has left me stunned, and unless I had experienced it myself, I would have never believed it possible, HOW WRONG was I, WOW!

Welcome, and I feel for your sadness.

I was in shock for quite a long time after my husband died. I thought that it was the mind’s way of protecting the body. All this is too much to handle at once.

Yes, people are insensitive and cruel and say the stupidest things. Mostly, they just don’t know what to do or say. Don’t be afraid to ask or tell them what you need from them.

Continue to post to stay in touch.

When my late wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer some of her so called friends dropped her like a brick.

Some people are scum, and it’s only when something like this happens that you see their true nature.

Other people are wonderful and do their best to help out it a situation like this.

When my wife died I put all my energy into my children.

It does get better, and the 1st year is definitely the worst, once that’s over things improve considerably.

Is it the case that they’re not really bothering? They might just be giving you space. When my wife died my father wouldn’t stop phoning me up and it was unwelcome. I remember settling down to watch the Daredevil movie, she’d been dead about a week and it was the first time I was able to get my mind elsewhere, only for my dad to phone up and remind me my wife had just died.

I had to ask my mum to tell him to stop doing it because it wasn’t helping at all, it felt almost ghoulish.

My father is insensitive, I only found out my cousin’s son had died unexpectedly three months after the event. Had I known at the time I would have sent a card at the very least, but three months later just risks opening up the wounds again. In the end I phoned her brother who told me it was best I didn’t do anything, but he would let her know I asked after her next time they spoke.

I understand infected teeth. I had one once that put me in a hospital close to a week. They told me I would have died had I waited any longer to come in. But I called to make an appointment when it first got infected. The dentist said, No need of coming in right now. I called in a prescription for you to take. The antibiotic had no effect but it delayed my seeking help almost for too long.

Sympathy for you and your wife.