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Came home to find cop car, lights blazing, at the neighbors house.

Domestic fight. He gets hauled away ( as he must, someone gets arrested at these calls, usually the man.)

Background: he’s a drunk. Leaves every day around 10 and spends the day at the bar. Like clockwork, he comes home around 4. I notice only because the music is blaring. She’s been in recovery for about 3 years.

Bound to happen or Covid-19 driven?

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@PUNKEY,

Bound to happen, if everything you said is true.

How do you know he spends every day at the bar?

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@PUNKEY,

Probably a little bit of both - covid is causing him to stay at home instead of at the bar; whether he is drinking or not at home; either way I can see this causing an explosion.

Even without the covid - this would likely end up being an issue.

When I was kid we had these neighbors next to us. They were about the age of my grandparents. The woman was so sweet and loved all the kids in the neighborhood - always giving out homemade cookies and so forth. The man like what you described above. The only thing he seemed to like (besides drinking) was his cat - which he named with his name - the cat was mean too.

One day my brother said - I saw Tony peeing outside -- my other brother said the guy or the cat? I honestly do not remember what the answer was but neither would surprise me.

My brother also saw them at night through the window where the woman was striking towards the guy - seem they were physically fighting - don't remember what ever happened with the two as I went off to college - I think he died first though at least that was my understanding.

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@chai2,

Probably sees him go - there was a couple of bars down the street from where I lived - we lived on a "quiet" street off a main street (which happened to be named main street). He went to one regularly - you could see him go off - and then you could see him stagger home.

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@Linkat,

Honestly linkat?

I get what you're saying, and yes, the virus probably nudged things a litte.....

But, it bothers me deep inside when there's this belief things like "He was a drunk, and she was so sweet" or vice versa, or some other words to that effect.

Sure, maybe your lady was nice. Maybe the guy was really nice too. Maybe they were both dreadful, or some degree of other.

No one knows that really goes on.

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@chai2,

Actually I wrote how my brother saw her going to strike the man --

What I was meant was she was always really nice to us kids - giving us cookies and so forth - and he just grunted and yelled us.

So yeah our impression was that she was really nice and he was a drunk - that was what we all saw....

Until my brother saw her going to strike the guy that night.

.

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@Linkat,

Well.
Punky needs to answer that.

We can suppose and probably all we want. Maybe she sees him going into a bar, maybe she supposes.

Maybe if he's drinking he's spending the time at his girlfriends, or friends house. Maybe he's a hundred other places than a bar.

Maybe he's not even that drunk, or is more drunk than he appears.
A million maybes.

The last few years of how Kirk was, and the assumptions I learned over time about what people assumed was going on, really instilled a MYOB in me towards others.

People who made assumptions? Not one ever asked me what was really going on, or offered help or even an ear.

Did you ever offer to listen to your sweet lady? Has punky asked her neighbor if she needs help?

I don't know.
I wouldn't know unless one of you tells me what you did.

People love a story.

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@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

Did you ever offer to listen to your sweet lady? Has punky asked her neighbor if she needs help?

I was a kid - not really in a position to do more than thank the lady when she gave me a cookie and avoid the guy so he wouldn't yell at me.

I really wasn't in the position that I could go over there and ask are you all right - does your husband beat you? Does he need AA? I didn't even know that - we just went about our kids stuff.

Just commenting on a story here that reminded me of something that happened when I was a kid.

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@Linkat,

Nice people can go to strike a person.

ok.
my 1st husband was mr popularity with lots and lots of people. They all thought he was wonderful. He was openly talked about as a shining example of a good person.

After I learned who he really was, I didn't talk much to anyone he knew, because I what I'd have to go through later. I mean, I literally couldn't order something in a restaurant because he would tell me I don't like that. (meaning me. he would tell me I did not like the food I was trying to order)
Imagine what I'd go through with him hearing any random conversation I had with one of the people who admired him.

None of those people who would roll out the red carpet for him wherever he went had no idea of the terrible things he would say about all of them. They never knew about all the dreadful things he wished on them.

At the same time, I was known as that woman who seldom talked to anyone, wasn't any fun, and probably what did he see in me?

It was amazing how quickly my resources against him were worn down.

So that said. I am really hesitant to say "he's this, she's that" I also tend to not think what a person is really like unless I get to know them very well.

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@Linkat,

We also had this "couple" that lived down the other end of the street. They lived in a house that was falling a part. The yard wsa kind of overgrown. We didn't know if they were married or brother or sister so we assumed they were a creepy brother and sister and they were scary to us.

We had stories about them of course - that is what kids do - I saw him and his hand was dripping with blood when he pulled it out of his coat pocket - I remember one kids saying once.

Kids have vivid imaginations when in reality as we got older just realized they were a nice enough old couple just living their lives.

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

chai2 wrote:

Did you ever offer to listen to your sweet lady? Has punky asked her neighbor if she needs help?

I was a kid - not really in a position to do more than thank the lady when she gave me a cookie and avoid the guy so he wouldn't yell at me.

I really wasn't in the position that I could go over there and ask are you all right - does your husband beat you? Does he need AA? I didn't even know that - we just went about our kids stuff.

Just commenting on a story here that reminded me of something that happened when I was a kid.

Do you still think she was a nice person, and he was mean, now that you're an adult?

I get the powerlessness of a child. Even if you thought something was wrong, you can't do anything.

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@chai2,

I'm sorry you had a bad time before ---

but really I am just talking about kids --- it is not meant - he is nice she is not or the other way around - just what I experienced as a kid.

Sorry that when I was a kid I had kid thoughts and impressions.

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

We also had this "couple" that lived down the other end of the street. They lived in a house that was falling a part. The yard wsa kind of overgrown. We didn't know if they were married or brother or sister so we assumed they were a creepy brother and sister and they were scary to us.

We had stories about them of course - that is what kids do - I saw him and his hand was dripping with blood when he pulled it out of his coat pocket - I remember one kids saying once.

Kids have vivid imaginations when in reality as we got older just realized they were a nice enough old couple just living their lives.

God.

And some people wonder why I have always chosen not to spend any time with kids.

They just say any damn thing that pops in their heads, and all of a sudden it's true.

Same for a lot of adults actually.
And when asked to show proof....well, they're just being contrary.

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@chai2,

Yes I thought she was nice - she did nice things for us - she talked nice to us and to us. He yelled at us.

Kids are very narrowed minded - that is what they think based on how they are treated. I really did not think about them much more than that.

As an adult I honestly do not know and really haven't given thought other than it sounded a little like punky's story.

I am sure their kids loved them both.

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

I'm sorry you had a bad time before ---

but really I am just talking about kids --- it is not meant - he is nice she is not or the other way around - just what I experienced as a kid.

Sorry that when I was a kid I had kid thoughts and impressions.

This has nothing to do with any bad times I had. It was an example of how gullible people are. I knew the truth, which was good.

It has to do with anyone, kids or adults, making assumptions, entire sagas about someone from some totally misread example or interaction.

It's not just what kids do. Adults do it too.

1 Reply

@chai2,

I guess you are right - I have done this as an adult.

I used to see this woman and man when I was single and lived elsewhere - they typically took the same train and time as I did. I would see the guy waiting in a car with his "wife" - when the train would pull in he would get out of the car and wait as the train pulled in to get on - then there was this much younger woman she would be waiting on the train platform.

This man that appeared to have a wife drop him off would enter a train door at one end of the car and this younger woman would enter the same train car as him but at the opposite end of the train. They would then meet in the train and sit with each other and it was obvious they knew each other.

A similar thing would happen when he had the return ride home (I must have had a very similar schedule to them as I almost was always on the same trains).

I saw this for months and months. A friend of mine also took the train - sometimes at my station and sometimes from further away.

One day I mentioned the "affair couple" to her - and she looked at me shocked - you mean so and so - and pointed out the exact couple I made the assumption about.

People do stuff like that - so what? If someone makes assumptions about me - I really don't care and would probably find it amusing. It was a form of twisted entertainment while I waited for the train -

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Well, shut my mouth: the guy died. His big truck was there at the house so I am thinking that he died at home but I’m not sure. The GF was sitting on the grass outside sobbing with the cop and another two guys.

How do I know he had a drinking problem? I live in a small town of 3,000. The main intersection is two bars and a CVS. I could see his truck at the local bar every day. People told me they used to fight at another bar all the time until she got sober and he went on drinking.

A lot of family came by and the woman is gone.

They are in their late 50s.

I didn’t socialize with them. Just a wave and garden talk with her. He stopped a
few times in his truck to say he liked what I had done with the house.

I guess I shouldn't have assumed this might have had anything to do with Covid. He was a drinker, smoker, and young.

Like Chai said, no one knows what’s going on. ( in other people’s houses.)

Now it begins . . .

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