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Tinder match confusion

Forums: Dating Tinder Advice
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Jnc1207
 
Reply Mon 17 Feb, 2020 09:33 am
I matched with a guy on tinder, who is a nurse in October. We’ve been texting everyday but we haven’t met up yet. When I was studying for my NCLEX, boards exam to be a nurse at the time, he wanted to meet up after a few days we were texting but I told him I have to study. I ghosted him for 2 weeks because I was talking to another guy from tinder. I talked to him again after 2 weeks of not talking because I was really sad that the other guy ghosted me to distract myself. When we started texting again, he would periodically ask me when I’m gonna take my exam so we can finally meet up. We finally set a date after I passed and I was the one who chose the date(a really late date) because I have really bad social anxiety meeting someone new especially from online.Last week, he told me he met up with a girl from hinge and got dinner and drinks with her. The other day, he texted me that he threw up all over the place while getting drinks with the same girl on Valentines Day. I told my guy friend about this and he said that if you go out on Valentine’s Day, it can also be platonic and doesnt have to be romantic. He also said that I should just meet him because texting is different than face-to-face and I can see how he really is. I know we’re both single and we can do whatever the hell we want. I also am talking to other guys from tinder because I don’t wanna be too attached to him.Based from my past, everytime I started getting feelings for a guy I was talking to, I would always end up getting ghosted. Out of all the guys I’m talking to right now, he is the longest I’ve talked to. He got out of a 4 year relationship and isn’t looking to date and said he wants to let loose a little. I recently passed my NCLEX and am now a registered nurse. I know this is a good time for me to do whatever I want because I’m single and officially done with school. After I told my mom that I passed my NCLEX, she told me “you’re 23 now. It’s time to start mingling and put yourself out there”. This is also my first time doing this dating app thing so idk what to do. This is gonna sound super hypocritical but I have 3 dates with 3 guys this month before we actually meet up. He texted me the other day and I left him on read. We havent texted ever since. Should I wait for a few more days to text him again and still meet up with him in a few weeks or just ghost him/mute him on all social media?
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 446 • Replies: 4

 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Mon 17 Feb, 2020 10:03 am
@Jnc1207,
It's not hypocritical for you to date other guys. You don't have a relationship with this guy.

And you don't need to ghost him or play any little texting games.

"Here's when I'm free to meet up. (list three days) When are you free?"

That's your next text^, assuming you still want to meet up.

If not, you can either stop replying or just write one last time to say sorry, you'd rather not but you wish him well.

And... that's it.

PS Back in the Stone Age, when I was dating (and right around your age, heh), I did the personal ads scene. I dated, I want to say, 40 guys. 50? Before I met my husband. Until I met my husband, I had no ties to any of them. We would have dinner or drinks, might kiss, might have a second date. I think I hit a third date with 2 of them before meeting my husband.

It wasn't mean, hypocritical, loose, bitchy, whatever pejorative your circle wants to toss at such behavior. It was a single person enjoying being single.

You're allowed to. Not every dinner or meeting has to be fraught with meaning or leading to marriage or even dating. It can just be... a dinner.

PPS I realize you have anxiety, but you're setting yourself up for more anxiety using Tinder, seeing as the point is to meet new people from online, which you say worsens your social anxiety.

So you might want to find a better way to meet people.
Jnc1207
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Feb, 2020 10:41 pm

So i decided to text him back in a few days. What would i say to him?
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 21 Feb, 2020 08:18 am
@Jnc1207,
I gave you your script. Read up please ^
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Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Feb, 2020 08:40 am
@jespah,
jespah wrote:

And you don't need to ghost him or play any little texting games.


This - I don't get this ghosting - to me it is plain childish. If you want to meet up with someone meet up with them. If you don't be an adult and say I'm sorry I am not interested, thank you. End of story. Sounds like you have been ghosted and how does that feel? Don't do it someone else - put your big girl pants on and be straight.

All else I agree with jespah.

And for meeting various people in person - good for you. Yes this should be taken as just fun - worst case you don't get along - you leave. Again simply be polite and say thank you for the evening/time/coffee/whatever I do not think it is going to work between us. Best case - you have a new friend which may develop into something else - that is how you should approach.

The one thing I would suggest (and you may be doing this) just remember that you have only "talked" with these men via social media - you really do not know them. Make sure you meet them in a safe public place - do not go away with them alone - do not have them pick you up or for you pick them up. For your own safety and also if for some reason while you are going out things go south - you can just up and leave.

And things can go wrong - just read this week how a woman picked up a guy she had a date with via one of these dating apps and she unknowingly ended up driving a get away car from her date robbing a bank.
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