Kind of odd situation

My opinion - not a court - he is the dad - he should be contributing financially as well as being there for them - no matter the mother's financial situation and it appears he is doing so. I would hope (and again it sounds like this is the case) he would want to support them in what any way he can.

Now what is fair as to how much money and what he should pay for versus her - a court should decide. If your boyfriend feels anything is unfair or is worried about child support or time with his children, he should go to court - I understand you could also go to an arbitrator within the legal system. The idea to go to court or make this official is to be as fair as possible by someone unbiased. I am not a legal expert and you really should reach out to a lawyer who handles cases like this.

My guess is the mom is threatening because she likes the situation where she is not paying as much (this is completely going by what you are writing here) - as from the sounds of it your boyfriend seems to be paying more than his fair share. How does she know that he would have to pay $1,000 more month? I wouldn't take her word for it - she might be saying this to avoid going to court.

Your best bet is to talk with a lawyer - only then would you know.

Personally I would go to an arbitrator - it would cost you less for court fees and you would have this resolved and ideally have this worked out as fairly as possible. In the end all adults involved should want the situation resolved in such a way that is best for the children.

He is from your description a perfect parent. The children will grow up knowing who did what. Not saying it's completely fair, but a fight could blow up in a way that's harmful to the kids.

I completely agree with you. I always say it is about the kids at the end of the day and as long as they are safe and taken care of that's all that matters. I'm just taken back on how "entitled" this mother is. 🙃

You don't have any say so in the matter. This man is not your husband. If he wants to change something, that is his decisions.

Butt out.

Is all this a stress on your husband or your marriage?

If so, your husband should get a lawyer and begin the process of establishing custody, visitation, and mutual financial support thru the Family Law court system.

This has nothing to do with his quality of fathering, but a matter of fairness.

Yup - breakup of second relationships is often due to the children of the first marriage. Blending families can be a challenge and often affects the second marriage.

Actually we live together and share financial responsibilities so it kind of is my business. Thank you though! 😁

It is very challenging but I accept these children as my own and care for them as such. There are at times I feel as though the mother is taking advantage of the situation. I'll always accept it for what it is but I think she will always want more.

I think you need to step back a bit and re-assess what you're seeing.

It seems like you're placing blame on another woman because she expects her x to contribute to the financial and emotional well being of their children. THEIR children. I know, being a step parent is hard and yes, there is a place for you. But it is not your place to blame her or think she's taking advantage of the father of her children.

And you know, she's probably right, if they go to Court, Title IV will calculate child support at a much greater rate than he's paying now. That's also why he doesn't push the situation either.

Your gripe really shouldn't even BE a gripe at all. What you're seeing is a man doing the right thing for the right people at the right time. This is probably how he'll be treating you if something like this happens, that you have children and things don't manage to work out.

If you accept these children as you say you do, then you are going to have to trust the man with whom you live with that shares custody of minor children with someone else. And, if you feel he's being taken advantage of, just know you're only seeing one side of the story.

If you really can't manage to wrap your head around this, re-think being in a relationship with someone who already has children from another relationship. It doesn't get any easier from here. Problems get messier, more complex, more expensive and more time consuming.

If this isn't what you want, be an adult and admit it and get out.

No it isn't. Your living together doesn't give you legal rights in his business as far as his chidren and previous spouse.

The financial responsibility to his ex wife and children are his alone.

If you contribute money out of your pocket for that, it doesn't change the fact this his financial affair and business.

He needs to deal with it himself.

They aren't married. There is no husband.

Thank you! I do appreciate all comments and views. That's why I'm here. I do accept the situation I only question the financial fairness of what is considered shared parenting.
An unnoted piece to this is that she did have a bad experience with another father of a different child where they did not support the child at all..nothing. Maybe she fears the same thing will happen? I don't want anyone to think that this situation seriously pisses me off, it doesn't, I'm not that type of person with lots of questions.

They weren't married either. There is no Ex wife. Secondly, I never said he SHOULDN'T be providing financially for these kids apologies for making you understand it that way.

Idk, all I see is you blaming a woman for expecting a father to help raise THEIR children. I'm not sure why you're questioning "financial fairness" when you don't walk in her shoes. Now you're judging her for having another child! If you haven't noticed, nothing is "fair" in life or in a divorce situation. If it were YOUR kids, wouldn't you want the same for them?

Again, it doesn't seem you're suited for being a step parent. Yes, the mom SHOULD feel entitled, why should she not? The cold hard truth is you are the side piece and the children are the main course. It will always be that way, even if you marry their dad. Kids grow up. You can be there, in the children's lives, but quit knocking their mother. It's petty, it's jealousy and it's really just wrong.

I never alluded that you thought that.

I said it’s not your business and if you are contributing money that’s your own decision.

This has nothing to do with you.

has your boyfriend suggested he has a problem with the arrangement? if not, stay out of it

you noted that you think the pre-post school arrangements are not fair. are you required to take care of the children during this times? if yes, and if it's a problem for you, talk to your boyfriend about it.

if your boyfriend is ok with the set-up and does his part as a father and a boyfriend, leave it alone.

Misconstrued. I didn't blame her for having another child I thinking that maybe she feared that she would be in it alone. I guess maybe if you people knew the whole story your thoughts would be more open minded instead of thinking I'm bashing a person. I talk to the women for God sakes and she has commented before how I am the best step parent she could have asked for for her kids. I've never been rude to her in any sense.

If these were my children and they had a father like my boyfriend I would not make him feel like he had to financially support everything the kids did. It would he an even share..you pay this, I'll pay that.

I think you people are trying to make is seem like I'm a legitimate bitch about this and you are all sadly mistaken. I was asking about fairness because men tend to get the bullshit of the deal when they are already taken care of their children the best way possible in a split situation.

I guess I'm done here. Carry on.

Last little tidbit...I do have kids of my own. They are not part of this question and did not initially feel the need to mention them. Their father takes very good care of them and I do not need him to send me a check every month so I know that. It's called shared parenting--pretty sure I mentioned that above somewhere 😉.

But you're not actually asking about fairness though. You want to complain because another woman doesn't share your values and not take money from their x to help support their children. That's a judgement call not up to you.

There's all kinds of arrangements and this seems to be working for THEM. Are you trying to convince your bf to quit monetarily subsidizing his x?

Hey I don't think everyone is being quite fair here --- kind of ganging up on this poor woman and we may be reading way too much into this. Her responses sound as if she is listening (until people are noting things a bit too personal).

My take - and poster you can correct me if I am wrong - you are more concerned about the fairness - not that you are talking or bashing this woman - you care for you boyfriend and do not want to see him taken advantage of....this is my complete guess now.

My brother is divorced and I see his ex-wife doing this --- BUT my brother lets her. He pays for all the extra stuff for the kids and his ex-wife does not. It does hurt to see him being taken advantage of - but he does this for his kids and his concern is only for his kids. We don't say anything to him because he is a grown man and to me it is his fault if he gets stepped on.

So I may see this from your side in a sense. I know someone thought the courts would walk over him and he would have to pay more - personally (again I could be wrong) I think it might help if he feels he is being taken advantage of -- however, as others have said -- HE has to do this and HE has to feel this way. If he does go this route though he should seek legal counsel and only then would he know for sure if it would result in him paying more.

Besides that enjoy the kids and your new blended family - try to let any of these things that could be irking you - because you care for him - to slide. And enjoy the good parts.