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Tue 7 Jan, 2020 05:01 pm
I haven't come to a forum for advice in maybe ten years so this is quite strange, but I feel like I need to share to see if anyone else has experience with this type of friendship.
My best friend and I have known each other for 7 years and we've spoken every day for about 5 or 6 of them. He has been going through some personal issues the last year and because of this, he has been lashing out more and more. He has quite a dark humour and constantly says dark things. He's very antisocial and doesn't really go out unless for work.
He got made homeless in February 2019 and then got thrown around the housing list, now he's in a tiny one bedroom flat he hates. Now he barely calls me, I invite him for Christmas dinner and out to movies or for food and he says things like "F*ck off" and that he hates me etc. He says they're jokes but I still don't like it.
I confront him about it and tell him he's been more aggressive because of what's happened and he apologises, but it just happens again and again and it makes me feel horrible. We used to talk about anything and for hours, now he won't let me help him at all. I sometimes wonder if I should even bother him at all.
It doesn't help he doesn't like talking about feelings etc. Even if I call him my best friend he calls me gay etc. He's very closed off emotionally. Only a handful of times in the past few years has he actually opened up about things.
Has anyone else had experience with this kind of friendship? Does it get better or will it get worse until one of us stops bothering?
@Dragunity777,
I can't see one thing in all this that makes him sound like a friend. Not even a toxic friend. He told you to **** off, and I suggest you honor his request.
@roger,
He tells me that a lot but he says it's a joke. He's VERY direct over Skype and doesn't even use emojis to show he's joking. But after seeing it even just from sending him a link to a song I think he'd like it seems too harsh. He said when he was younger he was taken to the doctor to see if he was autistic, but it was never fully confirmed as he didn't want to be labelled for the rest of his life. Maybe that explains why he comes across as rude as he never realises when he's being rude.
@roger,
Friends tell each other to **** off all the time in the UK, it's considered banter.
@Dragunity777,
He's in a bad place right now which is why he's lashing out.
Hopefully it will improve as will his behaviour.
I'd give him a bit of space.
@izzythepush,
Seriously, sometimes it's good to have a translation.
@roger,
I know words and phrases can have a different impact each side of the pond. It's not so much the words "**** off" as the tone, it can be quite friendly.
Yeah when he says it it's meant as "banter" but it can get tiresome. Especially if I'm asking him something really simple like "What time are you working tomorrow?" and he just replies with that. Gets tiresome.
@Dragunity777,
Give him some space, at least a couple of weeks if not a couple of months.
@izzythepush,
I agree, he needs some time.
To be honest, I worry about him too much to give him too much space. He makes a LOT of dark jokes about ending his own life, I worry if I back off too much he'll think nobody cares and he'll feel worse.
@Dragunity777,
He's playing mind games, people who are really suicidal don't joke about it.
Even just now, I asked him if he wanted to talk as long as he'd be nice and not insult me etc.
He said no because "you're telling me what to do"...
Pretty much done with this guy.
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