Kissed someone else whilst married should I tell husband??

Your husband has always treated you badly.

He puts his mother before you.

His relationship with his daughter is very bad.

You feel unloved.

You believe that staying with him anyway will somehow benefit your daughter.

How will it benefit your daughter to remain immersed in this emotionally unstable environment? How would you advise your daughter if she were in the same situation as you find yourself in?

I really wish I knew the answer to that... My husband is like a emotional rollercoaster, I never know what mood he is going to be in! I make him aware that I'm unhappy with certain things in the marriage, he promises to change, he changes for a few days then goes back to his old ways... Its like a constant battle, like having 2 children if I'm honest.
I love him but sometimes it really is a daily battle.

I can only guess that prior to your marriage, things were great; otherwise, you wouldn't have married him. As in the case of a lot of pre marriage relationships, there is a lot of false advertising going on. We're all at least a little guilty of that. You appear to be one has been subject to such false advertising. Your description of your marriage relationship is clear. You're not happy. You remain hopeful that something will change that will make you happy. But in the process of waiting, your daughter is learning something. What do you think she is learning from this?

He will either grow into this relationship with you, or not. You have no control over that.

Tbh atm my duaghter just sees her mum upset and depressed I don't think my, husband will ever change but I'm too scared to ask him for a seperarion. I'm not strong enough! Losing my son has made me weak I don't think I can go through all of this so soon.
I really am a lost girl right now!

If he will not change, and you cannot change, then the only thing that will change is the level of dysfunction; that is what will grow.

This is no excuse but.....

When I was pregnant with our daughter (first born) planned pregnancy! However when I fell pregnant, my husband told his mother and they all turnt against me!
My husband and his mum were asking me to abort but I refused. I didn't see any of them including my husband for 8 months of my pregnancy! Right before my daughter was born I forgave them all, hardest thing I've ever done!

Whilst I was pregnant, my husband was seeing this other girl who really made things hard for me.... Abusing me with messages etc.....

3 days ago i found out my husband was messaging this same girl it killed me inside I felt like he was cheating again... I'm not sure if thats why I kissed this other guy for comfort.
No excuse I know just wanted to share my story.

I hope that you remove yourself and your daughter from this dysfunctional setting. You need to put these people behind you so that they play no role in what is ahead of you each day. Continuing on in this toxic relationship will only make you and your daughter more sick. A counselor is only useful if both parties are on the same page when it comes to making things better. From your description of your husband, it doesn't seem that you and he are on the same page.

Nothing ever stays the same. It might appear that way on the outside, but on the inside, you make adjustments in your thinking to help deal with the pain and sorrow, meaning you become more and more detached from your self. You say you remain where you are for your daughter, but keep in mind that your daughter, also, is adjusting to the pain and sorrow by becoming detached from her self. If a part of your self cannot bear the truth of the matter, and change does not occur, you will shove that part of your self back into a closet of the mind behind a closed door. It's like if your arm is injured and you do nothing for the infection, you will eventually have to amputate your arm to save the self. Please don't let this infection cause you to have to amputate an aspect of your wholeness. Wholeness is where it's at.

Curious - how old is your daughter?



I am assuming she is under 18 - then she is a child and he is an adult. Although she should not speak to him badly - your husband is an adult and should not be shouting - I am guessing out of control at her.

Sorry I am focused on this because I think the most important thing here is the child in this situation.

About the kiss - no I would not tell him. You made a mistake and he does not seem like someone would be understanding about this - I do not think confusing this mistake to him would help your situation.

What you need to do - is sit down and think. Do you want to be with your husband - if yes, then you both obviously need some assistance. Talk with him and let him know you understand you both have been having issues - would he be open to couples counseling?

I think you two either need to work on it together - or this is going to continue going down hill or decide you are both better off a part.

The kissing of this man is just one symptom of the issues you are having.

And do not hang with this man any more - get your head on straight first.

-- One other thing - many of this was posted after you provided more details --- get yourself some help if you want to leave and you do not feel strong enough. You could seek a therapist just for your own benefit (doesn't need to be a couples thing) .

Here is something you could read that gives advice on thinking through staying or leaving
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/contemplating-divorce/201101/how-do-you-know-if-you-should-stay-or-go

And this helps you out if you want to leave - there is even a hotline if you feel you need immediate help.

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-leave-a-toxic-marriage-4091900

Our daughter is 10... When she was 3 we had family counselling for his behaviour with her, the Councillor said then that when she grew up she would have no respect for him! That's exactly what's happened!!!

I shouldn't have kissed the other guy, I pulled away instantly and felt awful! I have no intentions of cheating again!!!

Hi - I updated what I wrote above with a couple of articles to read through.

Don't feel guilty - everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is for you to get any help you can. You are in a tough situation.

There is no way an adult should be in a yelling match with a 10 year old. You either need counseling or a break up.

Life is too short to be miserable.

And, no.....keep the kiss to yourself, it will only be another club for him to beat you with.

His relationship with his daughter really does have a massive effect on me! She has no respect for her dad it's crazy! He had made jokes about me dying infront of her! They shout at eachother and he is just so mean to her at times!

He will never listen to me and take my advice on anything, but he will always put his mum first! Her mothering him isn't helping him to become a suitable father and husband.
I really am lost

Sweetheart, you're riding on the same subject over and over again.
Either you get help and do something about your situation, or you have to accept it. Frankly, it's a very unhealthy situation for your daughter and for that reason alone I would leave this man.

He disrespects you, he's mean and inconsiderate. He has cheated on you and
treated you like a doormat. If you let it happen, he will continue doing so, but for your daughter's sake, you need to take actions! The sooner the better...whining doesn't help here, sorry to say1

Agree with Calamity Jane.
Especially about making a swift exit for the sake of the daughter!

The guilt about the kiss is eating me alive

That's how people like that work. Your husband sounds a lot like my dad, he also has an almost Oedipal obsession with his mother and put his siblings and their children above his own wife and kids.

I wish my mum had left him when I was ten, but she stayed and he ruined my childhood. You owe it to your daughter to get out now. He's an arsehole, he won't change. My dad's in his 80s and still a complete arsehole.

Yes .. then consider leaving. You must do the right thing. Wouldn't you want to know if someone did that behind your back? Or at least do you think your husband would want to be aware..